how the hell do i effect change(14 Posts)
ok I would like to preface this with the fact I don't have teenagers, but couldn't you just stop doing things for them? Stop washing their clothes, stop cooking their food, stop making their packed lunches etc
Your teenagers are all old enough to do these sort of things and they have to learn mum isn't their slave.
Agree with LibrasBoF..
I have DDs of 13 and 12, and don't cook for them at all during the week (sometimes on fri evening), they have school lunches, and they are expected to get their own tea - which can either be toast etc, or quite often they will cook themselves simple things like beans on toast, fishcakes, pasta, omelettes, sausages. We periodically tell them they are cooking family evening meal at the weekend - and have had some success with this, but it varies. Both girls enjoy baking and will randomly cook cakes, brownies and biscuits.
They are supposed to do all their own washing (but don't). I do usually manage to get them to put on at least one load each at the weekend. They hoover, dust and tidy one room downstairs each, on a Saturday morning, before I take them to their drama class. They are supposed to keep their bedrooms tidy, and we have limited success with that, except when they have friends for a sleepover, then they tidy up!
Mornings - they get themselves up, breakfast and out the door without any help.
I work (and also have a 2year old), as well as dogs, cat, and no cleaner.
My advice would be to tell them that you're not cooking in the week any more, but that the fridge/freezer will be stocked. With washing - whilst I will sometimes put on a wash with school clothes, I tend to leave their casual clothes in their washing bin -and there's generally a favourite top they want to wear, so that helps them to do a wash.
"we wouldnt stop cooking tea" fair enough but couldnt you take turns in cooking tea. If they don't cook they don't eat but you still have to sit round the table and have a conversation (and, as the adults, have a stock of biscuits in your bedroom for these occasions!)
Sorry I refuse to get a dog/cat ever for exactly those reasons you have described. Do YOU want to let her go or if the DC helped in other areas you would be happy to keep her?
I was thinking about what teenagers want:
Cash, material goods, money to pay for specific things (like gigs or cinema), permission to do things, lifts.
Is there any way to make them getting those various things contingent upon them helping out regularly?
Hmm, to be perfectly honest I don't think they should have to walk the dog unless it was bought specifically for one of them as a gift, in which case that person should take sole responsibility.
On the cooking front, I agree that it would be very odd not to cook for them at all, apart from anything else you'd be cooking for yourself and dh anyway.
How about on one night a week each of the teenagers cooks a meal (though if your dsd is only there part time, maybe she could be excused), and you never know, they may actually enjoy it.
My ds occasionally cooks something from one of the Waitrose cards that you can pick up free. They're all pretty simple and v. good.
So far as the washing's concerned, I certainly think the 18 yr old should be doing his own washing as he'll be looking after himself soon, but I wouldn't expect the 13 year olds to have to do their own laundry just yet.
I think it is very difficult to effect change when the habits are already set.
I agree that dog walking should not be expected.
I have big struggles with getting dd to do any chores but then I (BIG mistake) never set it up that she should.
However the other night I watched with open mouth as she put her dirty plate and cutlery in the dishwasher (didn't praise her as of course that's exactly what she should be doing and didn't want to make too big a thing of it).
Any household like yours Cosette that has everyone chipping, in was presumably like that from day one so that they grew up knowing what you expected from them.
Sorry no helpful advice but lots of sympathy.
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