angry teenage boy

[b3cky]

anyone any advice. I have a 15 year old who is really good at school and socially but if something does not suit him at home he becomes very very angry and abusive. He was never like this. Any advice or help??

[mumblechum]

Perhaps he feels that he has to be "good" at school and with his friends, but that he can release some pressure at home?

As parents of teens, we often get treated as emotional shock absorbers, ie they know that we will always love and care about them so they can be rude with us whereas they wouldn't dream of being that way with a teacher or best friend.

He needs to know, however, that you expect to be treated respectfully and that even if he does lose his temper with you, you expect an apology once he's calmed down and that you will then talk to him about whatever's bothering you.

Remember that at this stage, they're having to cope with big physical and hormonal changes, possibly falling in love for the first time/being rejected, studying for GCSEs, being expected to be cool and popular with their friends etc and it can all get a bit too much sometimes.

If he's getting abusive, maybe he'd benefit from doing something really active to get all that agression out, either running or some other non team sport where he can be by himself, wear himself out physically and get his head together.

[b3cky]

Thank you. I agree totally with what you have said. He does play rugby and he can exert his aggresion on the field. Since the season is over he is biking for miles and comes back emotionally and physically shattered. He normally apologies and we discuss the problem.

It is very hard as I am a lone parent and try my hardest to give him 100% love and care.

I am doing anything wrong?? At what approx stage will some normality return to our home.

[mumblechum]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

Bumping for parents of older teens who can hopefully reassure you! My ds is only 14 & generally not too bad.

[margotfonteyn]

Have got two teenage boys (well one now 20).You are not doing anything wrong. It is normal. He will grow out of it. Just keep 'being there', don't rise to the bait and try and ignore it

Its a good idea to try and talk about the agressive behaviour when he is in a good mood. Don't try and fight back when he is being objectionable, ignore it to a certain extent. He probably doesn't realise HOW agressive he is being.

He will emerge out of it by the time about 18/19....if he is being good at school, that is a bonus, prob 'letting it all out' at home. All three of mine(DD as well) were like that, but boys manifest their teenagerhood in a different way to girls I think. Having been in a girl only family, I found it quite difficult to 'relate' to my DS1'S teenage behaviour. But he wasn't that bad at all, and is quite reasonable these days. Younger one hasn't 'turned' yet

[piscesmoon]

I wouldn't worry-he feels home is a safe place to let it out. However I don't think it is acceptable that he is rude and abusive to you and I would ignore it at the time but always pick up on it when he is calm and discuss it.
Perhaps the 100% love and care is too much, it depends in which way you show it, I think some healthy neglect is a good thing.

[b3cky]

Thanks everyone. You all say what has been going through my mind.

I do try and ignore the aggression and remove myself but maybe should do it quicker. Once the situation has passed he apologies and we discuss the matter and I firmly point out his behaviour and emphasis I am not tolerating it! He very quickly deflates and is very humble probably a ashamed.

I think piscesmoon you are 100%. I started the healthy neglect last week and I'l keep you up to date.