OK - so arguing is good because the line of communication still open even if loud and negative . I think it is when they withdraw that you have to worry.
I think you have to let them be. I read a book recently and if you have a DS then all he will be thinking is "I wish mum would stop sweating the small stuff". I think we mums are supposed to take a "chill pill"! .
Why not try to get them engaged with a postive project like the Build an African Farmyard - ! Taking part in this project will enable your kids to carry out exciting learning activities at the same time as raising money for poor families in Africa using our pack of fun ideas, information and facts. A lot of fun :-) x