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Advice on this!

(37 Posts)
ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware Sun 15-Feb-09 18:24:26

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BecauseImWorthIt Sun 15-Feb-09 18:33:58

I'm interested why you might think that an American mum might give different advice from that of a British mum, or vice versa.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware Sun 15-Feb-09 18:35:45

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TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 18:39:54

A 17 year old has to be home by 4!?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 15-Feb-09 18:42:54

I think she's making far too many "rules". An almost 17-year old is quite old enough to be making her own decisions (and mistakes) wrt work/home/school/dating, setting "rules" she ignores anyway isn't really helping.

I think mom needs to sit down with her DD and work out with her what the right balance is for her, recognising that the balance changes when there are important exams/it's Valentine's Day. If she hasn't already, she needs to explain to her daughter why she has curfews, and maybe review those curfews with the daughter to ensure they're still appropriate. "Rules" which are agreed with teenagers, and which exist for a Good Reason the teeanger understands, are much more likely to be obeyed than "rules" which are arbitrarily imposed for no discenable reason other than "I don't trust you".

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard Sun 15-Feb-09 18:43:02

I am thinking that the American "mom" has very sensible ideas about boundaries and what her teenage dd is allowed to do.

I think we let our teenagers have far too much freedom before they are emotionally mature enough to handle it.

I also feel we give in too easily to the pressures from the media and from our teenagers peers.

I am speaking from experience. My 13yo dd is currently sulking because I have not allowed her to sleep over tonight at her friends house even though "all her friends do it, she hates me and I am the worst mother in the world"

TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 18:43:06

The age of consent is different in different states in the US, and is 16 in quite a few.

I would maybe think that any difference in attitude might be down to the fact that in America school finisheat 18 rather than 16 (although of course a large proportion of teenagers stay on in the UK).

BecauseImWorthIt Sun 15-Feb-09 18:44:26

Age of consent? But there was nothing in there about them having sex, was there?

<goes back to read more carefully>

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard Sun 15-Feb-09 18:44:53

Actually, on re-reading, I think 17 is a little old for this level of strictness.

I would apply this more for a 13-15yo.

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard Sun 15-Feb-09 18:46:05

I am finding it amusing this automatic veering into "they must be having sex"....

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard Sun 15-Feb-09 18:46:56

and the Op's daughter is 16, not 17

TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 18:48:17

I highly doubt the 17 year old is having anything like sex, probably not even much in the way of heavy petting. The parents are probably paranoid about it as <blatant stereotyping coming up> Americans are more prudish about these things.

TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 18:49:08

It's not the OP's actual daughter, it's some random American woman's daughter from aother site. Isn't it?

scaredoflove Sun 15-Feb-09 18:50:13

I would say this young woman was acting up due to her parents lack of trust in her and would tell them to ease up in big way

Young people need to build up trust with their parents but never giving the opportunity for them to do that is asking for trouble

If that is a true situation, I would be feeling so sorry for the girl

bigTillyMint Sun 15-Feb-09 18:50:52

She'll be 17 in a month though!

I think it sounds a bit too strict - I don't remember having rules as harsh as that when I was a sixth-former. Not that I would have stuck to them if I thought they were unreasonable anywaywink

BitOfFun Sun 15-Feb-09 18:51:00

I don't think the poor girl will be having sex until she's 30 at this rate!

Ivykaty44 Sun 15-Feb-09 18:53:29

Why is it a problem if they are having sex? Can someone explain why it is wrong for a 17 year old girl to be having sex?

AnyFucker Sun 15-Feb-09 18:58:04

it isn't ivy

but it wasn't referred to at all in the OP

people are assuming that she is

although it doesn't sound like she gets much opportunity??

although this approach sounds very strict, does no-one agree with me that in this country we give too much^ freedom, too soon?

dittany, where are you when I need you ??

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware Sun 15-Feb-09 18:59:07

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ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware Sun 15-Feb-09 19:00:37

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TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 19:02:01

Doesnt sound much like they'd have the chance to have sex...

BitOfFun Sun 15-Feb-09 19:02:48

I think the OP is far too strict, but I sort of take your point AF. It's really hard to say though, because we must all think the way we parent is the perfect balance of strictness, and other people are wrong. Well, I do anyway smile

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine Sun 15-Feb-09 19:03:21

I think the mother is a silly cow who will end up with a daughter who leaves home at the earliest possible opportunity. She's 17 not 7 - old enough to live on her own, drive a car etc.

TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 19:04:01

Maybe the correct comparison for a 16-nearly-17-year-old would be a 14-nearly-15-year-old, both just over a year below the age of consent, both just over a year before leaving school.

And at that age I still had more freedom than that. Being home by 4 FGS!

TrillianAstra Sun 15-Feb-09 19:04:59

That's a funny thing, she'll have been old enough to drive a car looong before she'll have been old enough to have sex.

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