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14th Birthday - some advice please

(54 Posts)
notsoseriousanymore Thu 16-Oct-08 23:04:42

What would you say if asked to provide alchopops?

What would you do if you knew none of the other parents of children being invited?

Advice on how to handle this please.

I am a Step mum, so can't ask her mum for advice.



lilolilmanchester Thu 16-Oct-08 23:08:18

Just to clarify... is this your SD's party at your home?

nappyaddict Thu 16-Oct-08 23:09:49

Is it going to be supervised?

If so I would say a couple of alcopops each isn't going to do any harm but make sure their parents know.

pofaced Thu 16-Oct-08 23:09:57


No alcopops that is: they're 14; they can't metabolise alcohol; it's a poison mixed with sugarry drinks to make them giddy; legally you'd also be on dubious ground if/ when something happened as a result of you giving them alcohol

And especially no if you don't know the parents

And yes, I know 14 year olds drink but, by definition, the alcohol has not been provided by a responsible adult

Just say no... I sound like Sarah Palin..

ScareyBitchFeast Thu 16-Oct-08 23:10:43

and i am sure the majority are 13,
i would say no personally

frogs Thu 16-Oct-08 23:16:07

No, no and no.

Weird fizzy drinks, fine. Haribo spin-offs in all colours of the rainbow, fine. A 2nd mortgage's worth of Pringles, fine. A 15-rate DVD, probably fine (depending). Alcohol, not fine.

Dd1 has been invited to several 14th birthday sleepovers in the next few weeks, and I would be horrified if any of the parents provided alcohol or even turned a blind eye to the kids providing it for themselves.

DD1 goes to quite a strict catholic 2ndary school, where I'm at the liberal end of the parenting spectrum, and I accept that expectations may be different elsewhere. The answer to the alcohol Q is still Not Okay under any circs, imo. And if that makes me boring and old-fashioned, tough.

lilolilmanchester Thu 16-Oct-08 23:21:07

DS went to a 16th birthday party recently. Invitation specifically said no alcohol would be provided, guests over 18 could bring a small amount for their own consumption. I thought that was a really good idea. I don't mind DS having a small amount when we're around, but equally am not as liberal as other parents when it comes to young teenagers and alcohol. Alcopops are too easy to drink, and easy to drink lots. Also, parents will have very mixed views. IME some parents are happy to see children as young as 13 sick through drink, whilst others won't let their 16 year olds touch a drop. So no, I wouldn't provide alcopops, and certainly not at a party for 13 - 14 year olds who are underage and not drinking with their parents' consent.

unknownrebelbang Thu 16-Oct-08 23:29:24


I have no problem with teenagers tasting alcohol, with parental control, but not at a 14 year old's birthday party.

Alcopops really not a good idea at any time, tbh.

mumeeee Fri 17-Oct-08 00:01:10

No alcohol at a 14 year olds party.

NotAnOtter Fri 17-Oct-08 00:02:58

no way
err no

kingprawntikka Fri 17-Oct-08 10:04:17

No alcohol, my son is 15 and i wouldn't be happy with it.

AMumInScotland Fri 17-Oct-08 10:10:55

No. I'm fine with my DS (almost 15) having a little wine at home with family, but I wouldn't think of giving anyone else's teen any alcohol, and would be very unhappy if other people offered him alcopops at a party.

nappyaddict Fri 17-Oct-08 10:32:54

Could you put on the invitation something like if it is ok with your parents for you to have an alcopop please can they ring to confirm this?

cremolafoam Fri 17-Oct-08 10:36:49


MrsMattie Fri 17-Oct-08 10:39:10

NO to alcopops (essentially just spirits with mixers in pretty bottles).

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Fri 17-Oct-08 10:41:32

I am happy with my 14yo DD having alcohol, in our presence, but I would not, ever provide it for her and her friends at a party, especially if I don;t know the other parents or their views on alcohol.

I think, personally, the first time I will be allowing alcohol at a party, it will be at their 18th.........that is the time to make it special, especially as they are finally legal!

IMO, they need to have something to look forward to. letting them have it now means that it will be expected at every party, and teens are not exactly known for self-restraint in the alcohol departmentwink.

mumblechum Fri 17-Oct-08 10:57:41


NotAnOtter Fri 17-Oct-08 21:04:19

alcopops devils work

bagsforlife Fri 17-Oct-08 21:43:28

Agree re alcopops devils work. If and when they do have alcohol, make sure it tastes like alcohol. Alcopops taste like soft drinks, therefore they don't realise what they are ingesting....but wouldn't allow 14 year olds to have alcohol at party I was hosting either.

beemail Sat 18-Oct-08 20:42:49

No I wouldn't be happy. Ours have little achohol at home with us to prevent it being the forbidden fruit but not serve alcopops in this example for many reasons

notsoseriousanymore Sat 18-Oct-08 21:19:40

Thanks for all the replies..

I have asked here, plus some friends and also some mums I know locally with teenagers...

I think it's clear that, while we feel it's OK for 'our' 14YO to have access to alcohol, it's not on to allow it for others, without parental permission and I cannot do that, so no alcohol.

At least I know I have my facts straight for the (inevitable) argument! So, your replies are appreciated.


SqueakyPop Sat 18-Oct-08 21:22:18

Yikes - I can't believe anyone would think it OK to provide alcopops at a 14 year old's birthday party!

notsoseriousanymore Sat 18-Oct-08 22:25:02

Oh, FFS, Squeakypop, are you related to my mother?

PLEASE try and remember being 14/15!!!

We KNOW that she drinks, we KNOW her frieds drink. We make her push it under the carpet and make it some thing that's really 'rebellious'... whY?

I can totally take the point about the other parents etc,. but this totalitarian ban, I don't get... my parents did it to me and I went totally off the rails first year of uni...

Kids are going to experiment. Better they do that with your knowledge than without it.

llareggub Sat 18-Oct-08 22:37:05

No, I would never provide alcopops to a group of teens. I wouldn't need to ask others what they think either. Alcohol abuse in this country is rife and it certainly isn't helped by the casual attitudes most parents have towards alcohol.

But then I'm probably a tad biased, with several close family members with wrecked lives due to alcohol abuse.

Merrylegs Sat 18-Oct-08 22:47:15

I have seen my 13 year old after half a bottle of WKD and it was not a pretty sight. She may scream "no fair" if you ban Alcopos but I am sure the majority of the parents would be on your side. If my 13 year old was invited to a party and it said Alcopos were going to be drunk I would be saying sorry, you aint going. They have just as much fun screaming around with their friends and eating Haribo. You could have a non-alcoholic cocktail bar - you can get those cups that glow like glo- sticks and have loads of different fizzy drinks and weird fruit juices and grenadine and little umbrellas and those cute lollipops you can buy from Topshop.

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