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Why are teen girls so bitchy. How do I handle this?

(14 Posts)
abouteve Thu 11-Sep-08 23:00:09

My DD is getting the brunt of this.

Apparently she isn't cool enough to keep up. She has so much more going for her than these little bitches that she has been 'friends' with since they were all little but because she carries a bit of weight I mean only slightly, she isn't anorexic, as they are (medical condition that they are not aware of) they don't want to be associated with her in front of their other 'cool' friends. WTF

I'm told to stay out of it. I give the two girls a lift to school every morning. Feel like telling them to f--k off and telling their parents why!

Should I keep out of it? I'm fuming!

frogs Thu 11-Sep-08 23:01:54

I would keep out of it if asked to do so by my dd. You can't fight their battles for them.

otoh, I would not be giving them lifts, I don't think. Have you asked your dd what she would like to happen, or how you could help improve things for her?

ChacunaSonGout Thu 11-Sep-08 23:02:37

show your disdain for them

be cool as a cucumber with them...

themoon66 Thu 11-Sep-08 23:04:15

Don't give them lifts.

I used to have this with DD. I openly disapproved of the little bitches. Worked a treat.

abouteve Thu 11-Sep-08 23:07:48

DD has asked me to keep out of it and she will handle it by herself.

I just feel like urrrrrrrrrrrgggh. I'm so angry atm. Another friend is stirring it a bit but I've known them all since they were little and I like her truthful direct approach. Also see the faults in the others because I know them so well.

I will keep out of it but just want to stick up for DD who is a lovely girl. She doesn't deserve this.

abouteve Thu 11-Sep-08 23:09:48

themoon66. How did you handle it. Openly dissaproval, how far can I go grin?

crokky Thu 11-Sep-08 23:09:51

My kids are babies, but here's my opinion anyway...

Don't drive those children to school. When I was a teenager, a girl was really nasty to me over and over for no reason and it was really upsetting me. Her mum was totally unaware of it and asked my mum if she could stay with us overnight and be driven somewhere the next day (can't remember why etc). My mum is helpful, so she said that she'd help this other mum out. My mum was probably not aware of how nasty the girl was to me. Anwyay, was torture for me - I couldn't understand how this girl could be so nasty and then come and sleep in my room and then be nasty again on another day! I just wanted her to stay away from me as she was such a bully. I didn't want her invading my home life. I think you should say to the parents that the girls don't get on and your DD has been upset so the arrangement is not continuing. (and don't go back on it even if they pretend to be nice to DD because they'll start again). Tell your DD to stay away from them.

crokky Thu 11-Sep-08 23:12:20

if she's asked you to stay out of it, could you make up some sort of excuse why you can't drive these girls. then DD won't have to endure the journey with them.

abouteve Thu 11-Sep-08 23:15:57

Thanks crokky. I'm so angry I will speak to DD tomorrow and work out what she wants me to do. How much their nastiness is affecting her, not much as she is so intelligent and empathetic, then work it out from there.

They need to understand that this is not acceptable and unless someone pulls them up on it they wont know any different.

ethanchristopher Sun 14-Sep-08 09:57:19

dont speak to them and give them evils, be openly disgusted at them and they will get the message and probably find another way to get to school

and if they tell their parents and they conffront you about it you know what to say!

Jacally77 Tue 23-Sep-08 22:49:42

Continuing on this.. much sympathy to anyone else going through this.. like me. I'm told to keep out of it too, but like it or not, here we go again with our emotions being pulled to the extreme! The only way I'm coping with this is to be there for my DD and giving her a shoulder to cry on. These are tough life lessons they have to learn about trust and making friends and coping with life. It's agony to watch and we all want to scream nooooo! don't crawl to that bitch you call 'friend'. I've got to the point where I have dis-associated myself from her 'nasty so called friends', stopping the lifts and overnight stays, guiding her around things we see that are so obviously, deliberately nasty. I really want to have it out with the parents, but does that make me look like the sun shines out of my daughter’s backside?

thisisyesterday Tue 23-Sep-08 22:54:12

I agree with open disapproval.

how old are they?

model the behaviour you would like to see your daughter displaying. tell her that their opinions are worthless and any true friend would not behave like they are.
and say to her that you will not stand by and let them do this to her, because that's not what people do... stand by and watch.

I would then speak to the mothers and refuse to give lifts

abouteve Thu 25-Sep-08 14:25:54

They are all 14. When I started the thread it was highlighted by a street carnival night out. DD had asked to go with some girls and they were overheard telling this to 'the gang' 'sorry guys ** wants to come'.

She told them she knew what was being said and she wasn't going with them afterall. She went with some other friends. They met up and it turned out that the gang consisted of only 3 of them and they were more than willing to group up.

I have kept out of it and it seems to have blown over for now. I certainly won't encourage her to go out with them again.

I tell her that we as teens would never have treated a friend this way.

farrah Tue 30-Sep-08 16:28:54

This is a horrible part of any teens life, but to be honest I think nearly everybody goes through it. I have an extremely close group of friends 18 years on, but when we were 14, EVERYONE fell out with EVERYONE else at various different times. It was horrible (I am a non-conflict person, so ended up being the victim more than once) and now we all agree that it was horrible. But it was rampaging hormones and general shittiness. It WILL get better

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