my sm died and she was ds's nan iynwim her funeral is next week, ds is 16 and said he wanted to go. now he is saying he wants to be back for his last lesson(he has just started college) would you a) tell him no sorry you can't promise to be back by then, so he will miss lesson. b) talk him out of going to funeral as you feel he doesn't need to? I know my dad will understand what ever ds does.
I think the important thing is that he decides what he wants to do. This may include him changing his mind at the last minute and going - so if I were you I'd try to ensure he's got a shirt or whatever to hand should it be needed. Then if he changes his mind you won't be running around after him. I very much believe that we ourselves know in our gut what we need to get us through a bereavement and therefore any choice we make is likely to be the right one iyswim.