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advice needed re teen and a funeral

(12 Posts)
2shoes Wed 10-Sep-08 17:38:00

my sm died and she was ds's nan iynwim
her funeral is next week, ds is 16 and said he wanted to go. now he is saying he wants to be back for his last lesson(he has just started college)
would you
a) tell him no sorry you can't promise to be back by then, so he will miss lesson.
b) talk him out of going to funeral as you feel he doesn't need to?
I know my dad will understand what ever ds does.

fransmom Wed 10-Sep-08 17:42:03


maybe he is having mixed feelings and may feel obligated or some sense of duty to go? i do thinkit needs some sensitive handling but am not sure whta to suggest sorry xxx

mumblechum Wed 10-Sep-08 18:03:53

I'd let him go to the funeral & arrange a taxi to pick him up & take him to college so you're not fretting about the time

fransmom Wed 10-Sep-08 18:09:46

good idea mc x

2shoes Wed 10-Sep-08 21:29:01

the funeral is over a hour and half away.
starts at 10 for full mass the drive to the crem. so not possible I am afraid.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 10-Sep-08 22:47:08

I think you're stuck with option 1 tbh. Your DS might well find he's not inclined to rush off right after the funeral anyway. Is this his first?

2shoes Wed 10-Sep-08 22:56:38

he has decided he is not going.
I think he is just to upset by it all. his nan would understand sad
(selfish but now I can concentrate on my dad)

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 10-Sep-08 23:16:07

I'm sure his nan would indeed understand.Poor lad.

My condolences to you all.

NorthernLurker Wed 10-Sep-08 23:21:23

I think the important thing is that he decides what he wants to do. This may include him changing his mind at the last minute and going - so if I were you I'd try to ensure he's got a shirt or whatever to hand should it be needed. Then if he changes his mind you won't be running around after him. I very much believe that we ourselves know in our gut what we need to get us through a bereavement and therefore any choice we make is likely to be the right one iyswim.

retiredgoth Wed 10-Sep-08 23:35:42

If he wants to go, then he must commit to the time.

Missing the last lesson is, in a sense, a large part of the homage he is paying to your SM.

If he were mine, I would be happy if chose to go, or chose to stay. However if his last lesson feels more important to him then perhaps he should stay at home and go.

No-one will be expecting a 16 year old to drop all to attend, and I doubt if anyone would be offended if he did not attend.

That said, I think people would be impressed by his thoughtfulness should he choose to attend...

Good luck!

retiredgoth Wed 10-Sep-08 23:37:11

Sorry. Took so long to reply I am very out of date...

Best wishes to you and to your Dad.

2shoes Thu 11-Sep-08 22:15:00

he has decided not to go. it is going to be very full on, proper full mass before.

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