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only answer if you have a teen please.......WWYD?

(28 Posts)
2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:30:50

ds is 16.
we are going to a party miles away, so staying at Mil's for the night, he will be looking after her whilst we are at the party
he has just come and asked if he can go to a mates "party" in our home town.
he admits to the fact that drinking will go on(don't think he drinks but may decide to start)
this would mean him being here on his own from about 12- 6 and then going to party(overnight!) and us being about 50 miles away.
I am not keen nor is dh. if we were at home I would say yes as any problems we can help him, but we can't from 50 miles away. so think it will be a no.

but wwyd??

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Thu 28-Aug-08 21:34:11

Questions

Where is the party 2shoes? At the mate's house? Where are mate's parents? Will he be sleeping at mate's house?

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:37:19

no idea tbh
do not know the said mate(think it is a girl) as for sleeping!!
imagine it all kicks of and he is stuck miles away and can't get home, add into the fact we have been having trouble with the shitty family up the road, so even if he got home, he wouldn't be "safe"

fryalot Thu 28-Aug-08 21:40:07

hi 2shoes.

Is there a parent of another child who is going who could stand in for you if anything goes wrong?

It is extremely unlikely that anything awful will happen and you'll probably be home before him the next day anyway but just in case...

It seems a real shame to not let him go on the vague off chance that something untoward may happen. He is such a sensible kid and you know he will do the right thing if he has a problem.

I would see if one of his mate's parents will be on call for him as they will be for their own kid, let him go and enjoy your own party.

gagarin Thu 28-Aug-08 21:41:29

I would trust him. You are obviously getting on well together - he's speaking to you after all!

I mean he's asked nicely, talked about it - and the answer is still going to be no?

Have you no friend you can put on standby to crawl out of bed at 2am to scrape him out of the gutter if need be?

Do you know the mate who's party it is?

I think it's very harsh to say "no" and then go to your party. Perhpas you should not go to your party if he can't go to his - to show him you can live with the disappointment too wink!

If he doesn't go after discussing it with you I would be concerned the next time there is a party you'll get the "where are you off to tonight?"/"just out" conversation which would be a pity.

However - you know your son. If he's at risk of terribel behaviour then say no.

ps - I'm sure he drinks. Has prob had a drag of weed too by now!

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Thu 28-Aug-08 21:42:51

I don't have a problem with parties, booze or girls but I'd worry more being away.

If party was at mate's house and mate's parents will be appearing at some point (even if not there all night) and he was sleeping at mate's house and mate's parents know you are away I would say yes.

Otherwise no. lol.

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:43:55

our party is sil's 50th so not a fun one
I don't have a mate who could stand in sadly.
I hate saying no, but he has told me tales of what goes on at these things.
if I had a mate who could be his emergency number it would be different.

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:44:46

Saggarmakersbottomknocker thats it, if we had been home I would have said yes straight away.

bagsforlife Thu 28-Aug-08 21:46:50

I think he will probably go to the party anyway even if you say 'no'. You will not be there to see if he does or doesn't. It is very difficult.How much do you want to go to the party you have been invited to? If you are not that bothered I would stay at home and then can be there if DS needs you. Boring but safe option I am afraid. Unless you can find out more detials about party he is going to, perhaps friends parents could pick up and be responsible for him, ringing you if anything happens and at least you an come home early in morning and pick up from friends house, looking at worst case scenario here of course. He may go to party, be perfectly ok and you may go to your party as well!!!!Who says it gets easier as they get older?

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:49:29

he has told you tales yes things go on but there will be sensible kids plus sensible available parents

if he is a basically nice lad i would arrange for him to stay over hahaha for thart day and night with one of his mates

and ask for the phone number and address of the party and speak to the party parent owner of the house and leave them a mobile number

also ask ds for current updatwe of his immediate friends mobile numbers and parents addresses if he says no say no

if he all above done then thumbs up

abouteve Thu 28-Aug-08 21:50:01

Not sure, if he had somewhere to stay with adults present should he want to leave the party then yes. Can he not pal up with someone for the night and stay at theirs, sort of think. If not then I would tell him to miss this one, this time.

If not you risk worrying about him and not enjoying yourself.

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:51:42

if he doesn't go to party he will be comming with us. we can't not go. it would be family war
sil would kill me.

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 21:52:32

let him go he sounds fine

Mamazon Thu 28-Aug-08 21:56:26

Given it is your son i would say i would trust him. but i would also make sure i know the parents of another child who is attending and inform them that you wont be around so could they just be aware in case anything happens.

he is lovely and responsible. And Emo's are way too sensible for it to kick off! grin

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 22:00:34

right
it is not a party just a group, there will be no adults there apart from a 19 year old older sister.
I have told him that if he can find and emergency adult and somewhere to hang out for the afternoone. then he can go. so will see what happens.

myredcardigan Thu 28-Aug-08 22:03:16

I don't have a teen but was in a very similar position as a teen.
Parents were going away for their anniversary, wanted me to go to grandparents (I was 16) I wanted to go toan overnight party.

In the end they let me go. Made sure I had enough money and also left £30 'emergency fund' in a jar in the house so I could alwaysget a taxi even if I'd spent my money/been mugged etc!

It was fairly dodgy party but TBH I was fairly sensible and actually left about 10pm though was embarrassingly scared sleeping in the house on my own! grin

Felt guilty later when mum told me she didn't enjoy the evening at all as she was worried. The stupid thing is if I was more mature I could have called the hotel and asked them to pass on a message that I was home or sent dad a message to his pager.

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 22:08:10

I don't want him here on his own.
the chavs up the street might realise and start up.

southeastastra Thu 28-Aug-08 22:09:24

my son will be 15 soon, it's awful wondering where they are and what's the right thing to do.

have you reported the twats up the street 2shoes

Milliways Thu 28-Aug-08 22:10:16

I would let him go (checking some adults would be around at party house and they know you are away).

DD has just come back from a week abroad with her best friend on a DIY exchange trip. It was scary letting her go to something she arranged via MSN/Facebook after a teacher suggested someone might like to go to exchange with a "friend of a friend" of his.

It's scary, this letting them go/grow business!

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 22:11:52

i think your solution is fine

VinegarTits Thu 28-Aug-08 22:16:48

Go with your insincts 2shoes, if you think he is sensible enough to be trusted then let him go, make sure he has his mobile so you can keep ringing and checking, and get the land line number of the party where he is incase you cant get hold of him, i guess it is the first of many tests of trust, tell him if he passes this one you can trust him to do it again, if not he is grounded until he is 40!

My ds started going to parties about this age, he was, and still is very sensible, thanks goodness, teenagers are such a worry.

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 22:20:14

well if his best mate goes, his mum will be the emergency contact and he will hang out ther before hand, so it is looking hopeful(bugger I will owe her one though)
southeastastra yes, a very young pretendy policeman came today. I think he is going to get the real police to go and visit them. I told him that if something wasn't done soon, they would be sending an ambulance to the wankers mans house instead as dh is going to loose it soon.

mumeeee Thu 28-Aug-08 22:23:35

I would be happy for DD316 to be in the house onher own from 12-6 and would also be happy for her to get to a party by herself. But I would not be happy for her to be staying overnight if no adults were around at all.

2shoes Thu 28-Aug-08 22:31:37

have to say. ds is often in the house alone. I do trust him.
I just don't want him locking up and going off at 6 ish, whilst we are having trouble with the moon chavs kids up the road. too much in one go tbh.

2shoes Fri 29-Aug-08 14:24:19

All good, his best mates mu is going to be his emergency adult(I am going to speak to my neighbour as well)
and he is going to hang out with hime when we go. so ds says a BIG
THANK YOU MUMSNET

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