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Should I be worried or not

(13 Posts)
abouteve Mon 11-Aug-08 21:00:30

DD 14 hardly ever socialises with her friends. They hang out together but she has no interest in joining them. They sometimes go out with boys and some are dating.

I try to gently persuade her and she did go out recently said she has fun but hasn't bothered since. She occasionally goes to the cinema but is straight home on her own afterwards whilst they go to the park.

She is also quite clingy to me and says she prefers going out with me and family instead.

Should I be worried?

NotAnOtter Mon 11-Aug-08 21:03:57

i would be delighted - seriously

14 year old girls are - as a breed- not my favourites so the longer she stays family minded the better imo

( dd will be 14 in 6 weeks)

Tortington Mon 11-Aug-08 21:04:52

seems a bit weird - what does she do instead/

my dd stayed in a lot when she was early 14 ish - becuas she was on the computer and msn al the time - or reading - i believe teenagers need to experience things that only teenagers can - and practically had to force her to go out some weekends.

abouteve Mon 11-Aug-08 21:12:18

She doesn't like MSN, a couple of friends called round yesterday and they were looking on Bebo! But its rare that she goes online.

She reads a lot, has started a part time job, watches TV, works hard at school, doing DofE etc. Likes going for meals with me and family, sometimes take a friend.

abouteve Mon 11-Aug-08 21:18:23

She was 14 in June. I'm asking advice because I wonder if I should push it or let her join in when she is ready.

We've been staying with family and my brother did agree that she needs more of a balance and could see why I was a little concerned.

NotAnOtter Mon 11-Aug-08 22:11:07

i am not convinced eve - about your brothers veiwpoint

my ds turns 16 in a couple of weeks - always very young for year - he hass only JUST started properly socialising with friends and this is post gcses

he is a lovely boy - never caused grief never been mixed up with dicky crowds

i would be glad if i were you - if SHE is happy then what's the hurry

all of a sudden we barely see ds and i spent years saying 'why doesn't he...?'

dd is still 13 and i worry about what she is up to when she leaves the house - she loves msn etc which i loathe hmm

claricebeansmum Mon 11-Aug-08 22:18:06

I would leave her be - we all develop at different speeds - socially, physically, emotionally.

If she is feeling unsure physically and emotionally then she will be sticking around you and her family to feel safe before she makes her way in the world.

Some 14 year olds are overly mature, others not. I would let her develop at her own speed but there is nothing to let you gently encourage her - if she says she wants to see a film - out or DVD - ask if she wants a friend over etc

abouteve Mon 11-Aug-08 22:28:01

She appears to be happy atm. There is no hint of any interaction with new friends or boys at all (although I know she likes boys iyswim), she keeps in touch with the group she has grown up with and they are all very typical teens, out all the time, boyfriends etc.

If nothing changes in say 2 years time I will be very worried as she is definitely missing out on important interaction with her peers.

In the meantime I will try and relax. No point pushing her if she is not comfortable with it. She has mentioned that she doesn't fit in with this crowd but says its hard to find a new group.

NotAnOtter Mon 11-Aug-08 22:31:46

please try not to stress - we moaned and moaned and then gave up moaning and just accepted he was a home bird

at almost 16 he is now at parties /friends houses/ went camping with 4 friends for a week!!!

He barely saw a friend from one week to the next a few months back

we are delighted and looking back think he wa just happy a home!

mummyflood Mon 11-Aug-08 22:33:50

I was typing a post to say that your DD sounds exactly like my DS of the same age, in what she says and does, very very similar, and I agree with NotAnOtter - she sounds delightful. My 14yo DS certainly can be!

I also however have a 12yo who is a constant worry to me - very young for year, no friends at all, very sensitive etc. together with a couple of other issues which DS1 does not have, So I am comforted a little by NotAnOtter's later post re DS 16!!

She obviously has a loving home and appreciates it, so I would enjoy her company and keep the lines of communication open.


abouteve Mon 11-Aug-08 22:34:44

Physically she was a very early starter but I think she is unsure socially and emotionally. She likes to stay in her comfort zone. She was very different as a child, centre of attention, popular, full of fun and always had friends around her.

It was hitting puberty first that when she stopped going out, thought it would be OK once the others caught up. Gawd you feel for them dont you?

abouteve Mon 11-Aug-08 22:41:04

Thanks for the comforting words. She is lovely. Sometimes I cannot decide if she is very mature for her age as her wisdom is beyond her years or she is emotionally immature.

Lets hope that our teens all find their way eventually.

mumeeee Tue 12-Aug-08 21:20:45

She sound fine, Don't push her to go out more she will do that when she is ready.

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