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Should I be feeling guilty

(20 Posts)
poppy90 Fri 01-Aug-08 11:17:57

That I don't make plans for DD 17? She asks me every day Are we doing anything today? I say have you got anything planned, and its always, No. She sits in front of the TV or on computer MSN-ing. I would have thought at 17 she should make her own plans!! She needs to get a job as well & everything I suggest she disagrees with. I even did DS paper round (he's on hols & has to find own cover) yesterday because she just wouldn't get off her ar*e angry

moondog Fri 01-Aug-08 11:22:14

No you shouldn't.
Next question?

poppy90 Fri 01-Aug-08 11:25:32

motherinferior Fri 01-Aug-08 11:39:08

Actually, you'd be doing her a disservice by running her life for her - she's practically an adult!

fembear Fri 01-Aug-08 11:43:55

Of course you should be feeling guilty. You're a mother, it's in the job description!grin

fembear Fri 01-Aug-08 11:45:37

But seriously, I echo MI.
I tell mine that it's her life so she should take responsibility for it.

mumblechum Fri 01-Aug-08 12:16:59

My ds is only 13 and apart from 1 day a week when I'm off, I expect him to sort his social life out already, and he does.

<<crap mum emoticon>>

poppy90 Fri 01-Aug-08 12:38:57

Phew thanks.... but you're right fembear I do feel a bit guilty hmm

motherinferior Fri 01-Aug-08 13:36:48

But why?

My two are seven and five. I arrange a fair bit of stuff for them, obviously, but certainly don't organise their play when they have friends here!

brimfull Fri 01-Aug-08 13:39:09

no yanbu

do you live in the middle of nowhere ?

can she not go out with friends ?

give her some shitty jobs at home-she'll soon find somehitng else to do

poppy90 Fri 01-Aug-08 17:03:14

We don't live in the middle of nowhere & transport easily available, although she doesn't have many friends!
Yes she is a lazy so & so, I was washing the kitchen floor earlier when she came in & said that's so unfair I wanted to have some lunch!!Mind you to her defence, when I came back from the shops she had put all the things back into the kitchen! But, yes, I must find her some crappy jobs

brimfull Fri 01-Aug-08 19:38:00

whilst there is an idle teen in the house one should never do any dull housework yourself

poppy90 Sat 02-Aug-08 10:59:50

I must be a mug then, I've never thought of it like that!!! wink

Starmummy Sat 02-Aug-08 13:37:29

ggirl great line, will remember it for when Ds gets back from his hols (evil mother emoticon)mwa ha ha ha....

MatNanPlus Sat 02-Aug-08 13:41:56

So agree Ggirl, Poppy90 Next time she asks what are we doing have a list of house tasks ready to be completed, bet she would find something to do and maybe limit internet to encourage her to get busy job_hunting

poppy90 Sat 02-Aug-08 15:39:24

Yes!! That's a great idea

Celery Sat 02-Aug-08 15:56:29

Is she confident, outgoing, happy? Does she have friends? Or is she shy, lonely,unhappy, possibly even depressed?

I ask, because as a 17 year old, I was the latter, and I guess I would have appreciated a kind of relationship with my mother that would help me get over that. For some people, 17 is a very scary age, very transitional. I was expected to act like an adult, but just didn't feel equipped to do it. So I spent most of my 17th year in my bedroom, feeling very lonely, scared and depressed at the thought of having to be an adult.

poppy90 Sat 02-Aug-08 16:21:00

Well she's fairly confident, not particularly outgoing & doesn't have loads of friends, but I keep encouraging her to go out, have friends here etc but she knocks back any suggestion I offer!

LollipopViolet Sat 02-Aug-08 17:20:25

I'm 18, make all my own plans, have a job and get to and from work independently (and for a girl who a year ago wouldn't even do a 5 min bus journey, doing 18 miles a day on them (9 miles each way) is pretty good I think), I also help care for my uncle who is quadreplegic and needs constant care. I help unload shopping, clean my room (OK takes a bit of nagging but I do!) and chip in in the garden. *After work* I veg out with TV and net too. All my social plans are funded by me, because I'm earning my own money.

I agree with others, if she asks "What are WE doing today?" set her up with a list! HTH even just a little bit.

poppy90 Sat 02-Aug-08 20:41:44

LollipopViolet you sound like a lovely girl Thank you x

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