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Help me make sense of all this (long, first post)

(5 Posts)
LollipopViolet Sun 27-Jul-08 19:38:00

Hi, I'd first of all like to explain I'm not a mum (would like to be but not for a long while) and I hope you don't mind me being here but I am very interested in parenting and child developement (I'm 18). I have read these boards for a while and you all seem friendly so I'm hoping you can be a source of info for when I need advice, and hope you don't mind if I give my perspective on discussions?

Anyway, my main problem is this. I don't go out a lot, through choice. I have been brought up to respect that my mum, grandparents and uncle (we live together) all have to get up in a morning, so I don't go out clubbing at all. I'm now getting pressure from people at work who keep saying "as long as you're quiet, it doesn't matter when you get in." I disagree and keep telling them so. They're persistent. Another problem I have is I'm visually impaired (not allowed to drive) and this makes travelling hard. How can I enjoy a social life while respecting my family? And am I odd to feel this way/is it right for me to feel like I have to be in by say, 11pm?

Another problem I have is people from work trying to set me up. I had a boyfriend who worked with us, for about 6 weeks. I wasn't happy in the relationship, they all thought I was mad to be with him etc. Long story short he wasn't the nice person I thought, and I was going to end the relationship, but he got there first. He also (I think) got sacked from work so I've not had to see him. The problem is, all my colleagues think the best thing for me, is another guy. I am happy being single but they can't accept that. Help me! Also, I'm going to uni this September so stories of DC at uni would be appreciated to calm my nerves (I will be living at home).

PS: I am close to my mum, but it's just nice to get some other advice, and I've seen some other young posters here....I assume I'm welcome to join in where I can??

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 27-Jul-08 19:52:07

well i left home at 17 to live with my boyfriend but if was going out with my friends i (fri nights was my night with him and sat nights was with my friends) i would go home to my mums after my nights out as bf worked shifts and was a bedsit so it would be very hard not wake him when i came in.

i dont think i ever disturbed my parents. i go out when dh is working the next morning and i dont disturb him unless i bring back friends which i dont do if i know he is working. so i agree with your workmates in that you dont have to stay in all the time to avoid disturbing your family so long as you come home and go to bed rather than have a wild party in their living room.

my problem with it would be that you dont want to go out? so they shouldnt be pressuring you to do so. as far as the boyfriend goes you have plenty of time to find some one you are happy with there is no rush. enjoy yourself while you are still young and free.

another thing that is concerning me is your hoping to start a family? i hope that is not soon? you are very young i think you should finish uni and get yourself a career before you start planning a family

LollipopViolet Sun 27-Jul-08 19:58:26

another thing that is concerning me is your hoping to start a family? i hope that is not soon? you are very young i think you should finish uni and get yourself a career before you start planning a family

Don't worry, it won't be for a long time! I'm aiming for a career first, but a family is something I want eventually. I don't mind going out exactly, I'm just not a nightclub person, I've always preferred restauraunts, whether that was because of going out for meals at a young age, or because I'm an introvert generally, I'm not sure.

Uriel Sun 27-Jul-08 20:07:14


If you don't want to go out, I don't see a problem with that. You sound like you know your own mind.

Equally, would your family really mind if you came in late one or two nights a week? (Especially if they're not working the next day?)

LollipopViolet Sun 27-Jul-08 20:16:14

I don't think they'd mind too much, but another thing I have to consider is the fact that no matter how quiet I am, the dog will wake up and bark, and I know how that feels when he barks at early/late hours! I also have to work a lot so finding days when all of us would be off is tricky. I think my concerns stem from when I used to go to the cinema a lot, and the group of friends I went about with at that time had a habit of missing buses (this was when I didn't catch them alone, I still don't like going on them at night!) and how annoyed my mum was. I do go out, and on occasion go to work parties, but as I say, I do prefer quieter places. I never joined in the mad house parties that went on when I was 15 or so although that was with good reason, it's not nice seeing your friends falling round drunk after an hour.

Maybe it's that we've all fallen into a system and I don't want to break it, or maybe my self confidence is still a bit low. I'm not sure, but I'll take your suggestions about going out a bit more on board, definately. I've found one friend who tends to go out around 7.30, and that would work really well, because I could go home at a time I normally do, and still have a good time out.

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