Crisis of confidence for female teenager

[Gumdrop]

Oh wise ones - since my dds are still tinys rather than teens, please do you have any words of wisdom for a colleague at work who has posted the following on the intranet thing........ Thank you

I have a teenager ( female) who is experiencing a major crisis of confidence, self esteem and trust. When we help or test her on her work she is fully knowledgeable but currently she seems to loose all knowledge at the school entrance. The school are also concerned as they can find no obvious reason for this. Her social group hasn't changed and they can find no evidence of bullying. I have tried all the skills and tricks of coaching and mentoring that I have employed with staff over the years but none of them are currently showing any success. Has anyone had a similar experience and can they provide any tips? The only way forward that I can see is to engage with a specialist counsellor. She is still fully confident in social or sporting situations. Any advice will be much appreciated

[fostermum]

although you havent found it this screams of bullying,mabe even a teacher is giving her a hard time

[anorak]

I agree it does sound like bullying. It may just be one person doing it and hard to spot.

Also wonder if she has reached a stage where it seems nerdy and uncool to do well?

[boudicca]

Hi Gumdrop, sorry to hear of your friends plight.My dD is very confident in social situations, and also when she's around/riding her beloved horses ! But is failing in her schoolwork, she's very bright and her teachers keep telling me/her that she has the ability to get at least A's in most subjects, but she still insists that she is 'thick' and stupid.She has lost so much time that I don't see how she can possibly catch up on her coursework so I think she'll be lucky to get D's in her GCSE's.It's so distressing to know that your child is capable , but not to achieve their potential.But at the end of the day we can only facilitate them, we can't do the work for them.If your colleagues dD seems not to be unduly distressed about anything then there doesn't seem to be much she can do.Maybe taking the pressure to suceed off for a few weeks would help,(has she tried bribery ?) I'm sure that if her dD ,like mine is naturally bright and capable she'll come through in the end.After all there are an awful lot of very successful people out there that have not 'shone' at school.
Sorry I can't offer any practical advice, just let your colleague know she's not alone with this one

[Tortington]

i think maybe if your firend is concentrating on education education education, when the kid gets to school she might be all educated out.

also tell your friend thats it not the end of the world, her kid can do resits or go to college when she is older and perhaps a bit wiser.

[open]

I think I'd back off on the education side of things and work at making sure the relationship is good between parents and child so she can confide in parents, if need be.

Could it be a rebellion thing against the pressure from home?

[maltesers]

hi gumdrop.perhaps you can pass these small thoughts on to your work colleague. i have a 14 yr old dd and 16 yr old ds. it seems from what they say that it isnt cool to be a 'boffin', (a swot) at school. people like that so they tell me have no friends. when i was at school it was cool to do well. think my older ds thinks that now too now he is a bit older. but it may just be her dd's age. perhaps school mates tease her if she gets the answers right all the time. ( you know how boring that is). maybe they think she is a know it all so she deliberately gets it wrong now to be accepted. Who knows.?

[honeyflower]

I'm sure your colleague is a caring parent who really wants to do the best for her kids - but - maybe she could slack off a bit? if I was being relentlessly tested, coached and mentored at home, I might not feel like being entirely compliant. And I'm not 14... I find this application of managerial techniques to personal life a bit chilly, tbh.

[boudicca]

Custardo, thats just what I'm hoping for re-sits + college, I just hope she gets in !

[Gumdrop]

Thank you for your comments so far. I have directed my colleague to the site, so she may well read it.

To be fair, her query was posted on the parenting section of a large accountancy firm, (we've only just got round to acknowledging that the firm's empoyees might actually be parents), so in that context the "management speak" wouldn't seem so out of keeping. Because I "speak the language" at work, I didn't really get a negative idea from the way the query was couched.

Thanks again.