I feel at the moment that a job as a united nations peace keeper would be easier than trying to keep things civil between my dh and our ds2 17.
Ds2 is a rather obnoxious typical teenager. While I do sometimes get very frustrated with him, I have accepted that it is typical teenage behaviour and hopefully will pass. Dh on the other hand, isn't handling it at all well. He has other stresses at the moment..He is 3 years post cancer diagnosis (he is now recovered and at the moment cancer free) and in a stressful situation at work. He also had a terrible relatonship with his dad who was and is a crap parent. However he seems intent on repeating history with his own dss (he doesn't have a great relationship with ds1 either)He no longer talks to ds2 other than to argue with him and every discussion inevitably ends in a full blown disagreement.
I've tried speaking to dh alone about it but he has such a huge chip on his shoulder its impossible.
Tonight a conversation about ds2 wanting a lift to football descended in to a full blown name calling session. After ds2 had gone I said I was struggling to see which one of them was supposed to be the adult and asked why he was intent on having as bad a relationship with his son as he did with his dad. They didn't speak for about 10 years and things arn't great now. Dh's answer was "I won't be here in 10 years, I'll be dead by then so it won't matter".
Since Dh's treatment finished I have tried allsorts to try and encourage a positive outlook on life including suggesting he go for counselling. He has had the best possible outcome from a cancer diagnosis and his consultant has told him he has an 80% chance of still being cancer free at five years. Dh still insists on looking for the worse. I have suggested he could be depressed too but he won't entertain the idea.
It dawned on me tonight that Dh could be actually jealous of Ds2. He is very like dh was at his age, But is, of course, younger and healthy.
Sorry this is long. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I have a stinking cold and now Dh has stormed out and, I think, gone round to a friends house (female which isn't improving my mood).
I know Dh has had more than his fair share of crap but I can't understand why he insists on adding to this by destroying any relationship he has with his kids.
Dcs have actually said that their Dad is more interested in some stupid on line adventure game than them ( he does spend every spare moment on the computer..e.g. he has been on it today since 7.30 am and only came downstairs at about 6.00pm. If he hadn't stormed out he would be on it now and this is fairly typical)
Goodness this is long so thank you and well done if you are still reading!
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Teenagers
Help needed please with ds and dh
7 replies
kiddiz · 29/06/2008 21:12
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