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lazy son 17 ,now i have to pay his gf mums rent

(19 Posts)
wornoutbyarguing Fri 27-Jun-08 11:56:05

ok so my lazy 17 year old son has jacked in college to begin a different course in sept fair enough,has also jacked in his weekend job and doesnt start his new one til august so he wont get any money or ema payment til september.

in the meantime his girlfriends mum is struggling financially and wants me to pay her rent and her dh as he stays there most nights and eats all his meals (well most of them there)

i dont mind helping her out as tbh she has him at her house and why should she be feeding another mouth as she has her own kids too.but feel taken advantage by ds as he will be loafing about for 2 months doing sfa.

i said i will pay her 25.00 per week for food for him and give him 55.00 per month to pay his bus pass but we are refusing to give him any extra money as he should be doing something with his time.
he still eats here ,has some meals ,expects us to do his washing ,give him extra money etc ,etc

i have 2 other dcs and we rely on wtc as hubby is self employed and we struggle like hell ourselves.

why do i feel like he is taking the mickey out of us all.he hasnt paid us rent or them anything.
my dh says he will have to come home everynight and start skateboarding everywhere as we are treating him like a spoilt child and he is nearly an adult.

anyone else feel like this are we being soft
some words of wisdom would be appreciated

dilbertina Fri 27-Jun-08 12:00:18

ummm, yes I would say he is taking the mick in a pretty spectacular fashion.

And it does sound like you let him.

dilbertina Fri 27-Jun-08 12:03:44

Could you send him on an outward bound course or something else character building...or enrol him in the army for a bit?!

Why on earth is his gf mum letting him live there? And why is she asking you for money not him? And why don't you tell her to kick him out? Why is everyone facilitating him being lazy? Could he help his father out to earn some money for keep, either with you or gf house?

Jojay Fri 27-Jun-08 12:04:11

I think your DH is exactly right.

Why should he 'live' at his GF's house and expect you to pay for the privilege?

His GF's mum has set out her not unreasonable conditions, and if he wants to go ahead with it, then HE has to need those conditions, ie pay the money.

Why you should pay that money is beyond me.

He should be more than capable of getting a job - £25 a week is hardly a fortune.

He needs to learn about life in the real world, sooner rather than later!

dilbertina Fri 27-Jun-08 12:05:54

Sorry, another thought....are there any summer jobs where you are? Fruit-picking? Waiter? Life-guard? What does he want to do? Could he do voluntary work connected that would help in future?

notjustmom Fri 27-Jun-08 12:07:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland Fri 27-Jun-08 12:07:36

I'd say if he wants that much freedom, then he's going to have to work out how to pay for it TBH. I agree that it is unfair for his gf's mum to be out of pocket, but I'm not sure that this is your problem. If you are saving a lot by having him eat there instead of at home, then I guess it might be right to contribute to her extra food costs, but it's hardly fair of her to charge him rent.

Why is he not looking for work over the summer? - there is a lot of seasonal work around which he could do for a couple of months.

notjustmom Fri 27-Jun-08 12:09:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fryalot Fri 27-Jun-08 12:09:52


If you are paying for him to live at his girlfriend's mum's house, then he must live there.

If he is going to live at home with you, then he must not stay over and eat his meals there.

You cannot, should not, MUST not pay for him to live in two places when he is doing sod all with his time and earning nowt.

You need to put your foot down.

Blandmum Fri 27-Jun-08 12:11:06

Are you mad?

He is taking the piss not taking the mickey

He will continue to sponge off you for as long as you let him.

Tell him to get off his arse and get a job, you know, one of those things where you work and they give you money.

Once he realises that money doesn't just fall into his lap he may well stop being 'lazy' and do some work. As long as you continue to suppoting him in idleness, he will continue.....why should he stop? He is getting sex, board and lodgings, and the time to play, why would he want to stop?

Stop his money now

IPityTheFool Fri 27-Jun-08 12:12:58

He is taking the piss.

Why doesn't gf's mum tell him to sod off home for meals?

Tell him and gf to spend half their time together at each house, so you and gf's mum are evens.

Do not give money to gf's mum.

Ultimately, you're not helping him. You know how he should be spending his time, but even so you're subsidising his lazing. He's becoming a sponge.

IPityTheFool Fri 27-Jun-08 12:14:20

Oh x posts.

Martianbishop put it better than me.

Twiglett Fri 27-Jun-08 12:15:31

he needs to get a job and pay his own way whilst he's waiting for his course to start or move back home

Twiglett Fri 27-Jun-08 12:16:52

and if he moves back home he still needs to get a job and pay his way

you need to give him some backbone and show him what the real world is like

Barnical Fri 27-Jun-08 12:19:26

Two option here I think, neither of them end up in you paying his gf's mum hmm

either he gets a job and pays gf's mum.. or he doesn't stay there.. really easy.. make yourself clear to the mum that these are the options.. if she is happy for him to be at her house, then she needs to sort it out with your ds .. not you!

wornoutbyarguing Fri 27-Jun-08 12:27:29

thank you for all the messages i have just told him to get his lazy butt to job centres/agencies to get some work as i wont pay it,

i feel really mad he is taking advantage of all of us
i am soft very bloody soft i know it blush

i really appreciate all the time taken to talk to me ,i couldnt see the wood for the trees this morning

we slipped in to this as he has been such a nightmare to live with for the last year and staying over his gf was bit of a relief instead of the arguments.but i have always felt bad his gf mum was bearing the financial brunt,
he can pay her his rent or move back here and pay his own bloody bus pass. hmm

i am soft i am not very asertive at all as you can probably guess

notjustmom Fri 27-Jun-08 12:36:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Barnical Fri 27-Jun-08 13:05:31

Good for you.. think of it as actually you are helping him get ready for the big wide world!.. Don't feel guilty!

Blandmum Fri 27-Jun-08 13:15:56

Good for you!

I think that what you have done will benefit you and most importantly him in the long term

Get ready for some whining and him trying to guilt trip you. This may well be followed by shouting. But stick to your guns and remember that if he wants the freedoms of an adult to live where he likes, he has the responsibilities of an adult to pay for it himself.

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