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when do i let my DD begin.........

(29 Posts)
piggypoohsmum Fri 27-Jun-08 10:50:13

wearing make up
plucking her eyebrows,
shaving her legs
having hair highlighted.
She will be 12 in a couple of months.
i think she is too young and dont think it should be before 13 but alot of her friends are already doing these things and i dont want to be an 'evil mum' for not letting her.
suggestions & advice please

fryalot Fri 27-Jun-08 10:53:08

I think 12 is too early.

But... I thought that with my dd1 and she came down one night with shaved eyebrows and cuts on her legs where she'd shaved them.

Tis much better for her to do it with your permission, properly, than to have a guess and do it behind your back - which she will sooner or later.

You could invite a couple of her friends round and have a "girly night" where you all go mad with the make-up and you are there for advice should they need any, see how you get on from there...

chopchopbusybusy Fri 27-Jun-08 10:57:09

I have DDs who are 14 and 11. Of that list DD1 shaves her legs and DD2 does none of them (she does shave under her arms, but says her sisters shaved legs are prickly!)

I would allow make up - I bought DD1 some make up, but she doesn't use it. If her eyebrows need to be plucked, do it for her, she'll almost certainly have a permanently surprised look if she does it herself. If she has hairy legs and wants to sheve them I'd let her. Highlights - no.

piggypoohsmum Fri 27-Jun-08 10:59:54

thanks squonk.
I have been printing pictures of eye makeup techniques for her to put in a folder & we have make up nights (this is so that she doesnt look like something from the living dead when i do allow her to wear it grin).

I agree that she will do it soon anyway, so perhaps I will allow her a makeover in the summer hols.

I like the idea of a girly night with her friends not just me. Will suggest it to her.

misdee Fri 27-Jun-08 11:00:53

my 8 year old wants to syhave her legs already shock have said no obviously.

am thinking when she starts secondry school, if she still wants to then, will go through it with her. would rather she knew how to do it, and have her own pack of raors etc, then pinch mine.

plucking eyebrows i think can wait a bit longer cant it?

and for hair, what about a wash-in wash out colour rather than highlights? i used sun-in at a young age, and my hair went a strange brassy colour as that stuff is potent really.

piggypoohsmum Fri 27-Jun-08 11:02:47

A friend suggested I let her loose with my epilator!!!! then she wont ask again grin

Thank you chop for reminding me of my first eyebrow plucking session. i DID look surprised.

jumpingbeans Fri 27-Jun-08 11:03:49

Threads like this show me just how much things have changed from when my dd was that age, omg at 11/12 she was still playing out, getting filthy, more interested in riding her bike than anything else, was as much as i could do to get her to bath and wash her hair let alone highlight, shave legs and pluck, she was about 14/15 when this all kicked in,and kick in it did

smartiejake Fri 27-Jun-08 11:13:08

My dd was 12 last week. She wears a tiny bit of makeup which I have no objections too. Would no way allow hair colours ( her hair has natural bright blonde highlights anyway) and would discourage shaving legs(she doesn't need to yet anyway) but underarms look like she could do with ! Bit young for eyebrow plucking and she hasn't asked about that anyway.

essjayo Fri 27-Jun-08 17:04:01

Is there any right age for any of these things? Imo it's up to your daughter when / if she wants to do any of them, especially now she's at 2ndry school. Altho hair colour might be an issue because of school rules. My dd 15 doesn't pluck her eyebrows, but imo she should! She hardly ever wears make up but has been doing so on and off ever since she was 10. Ears pierced at 11 (and boy did I get flack for that from friends who said she should wait til 14 ... why??) If she has hairy legs/pits then she will feel better if she deals with it - how is another question (waxing might put her off for life wink

We went through the sun-in phase last year and it was good at the time but dreadful growing out .. it's a good learning curve. Now she wants highlights but she can't afford them and I won't .. it's up to her

toobusymum Fri 27-Jun-08 18:16:34

My dd is twelve.

Make up - yes, removing or colouring hair - no. I am learning to pick my battles, but it's really hard to find the balance between encouraging her independence and making sure she hangs on to her childhood as long as possible. Ear piercing - i am struggling to hold out to at least 13!

Schlumpadinka Fri 27-Jun-08 18:20:12

I would have been much more fussed about being allowed to shave my legs/armpits than wearing makeup.

My Mum was so repressed about all these things that I used to nick my Dad's razor and hack my legs to bits - much better to sit down and go through it with her I think.

girlnextdoor Fri 27-Jun-08 18:33:57

I am an evil mum- said no highlights until 16 and then she would have to pay for them herself- so she hasn't bothered but has lovely hair anyway.

Leg shaving- did it about 13/14 - against my wishes- again, they didn't need ti- they think they have hairy legs but wait til they shave them and they grow back all black! My DD shaved all up her legs to her thighs- so prickly legs for ever now!

Make up- more relaxed on that, but not for school except for a bit of concealer etc.

twoluvlykids Fri 27-Jun-08 19:39:04

my dd is almost 13,& last summer i took her to the beauticians i go to,to get lower leg waxed,have been going eveery couple month since.dd very grateful!!me very nice mum,& didnt want her having constant stubbly legs like me!highlights - nonono - but beauticians often do princess parties,sound ghastly but i'm sure there're perfect hmm for dds of about 11/12/13.often have glass of wine for waiting mums toogrin

hennipenni Sun 29-Jun-08 16:46:22

My DD is 13, out of that list she is allowed to:

Shave legs/pits as she has very dark obvious hair (But has only just started to do this in the last week or so, she has used hair removal cream but found the chemicals too harsh).

Wears a little bit of make-up if she feels like it but is not allowed to for school although sometimes will sneak on mascara/lip gloss.

Is not allowed to pluck brows or high light hair.

DD aged nearly 11 doesn't do any of these but then she doesn't need to, I will let her start to do these when I feel that she understands the need to but hopefully not before 13. _Same will apply to DD aged 7.

artgirl73 Wed 02-Jul-08 18:52:45

i think a little bit of make up is fine- not to bold! espically for school.aroud about 11/12. i don't think she should pluck her own eyebrows but you should do a little of maintence for her- i stared brow maintance with my dd around the age of 9/10. highlights NO WAY! doesnt want to ruin her hair so early in life. shaving no no no, you should find another way like wax or hair removal cream (prefelbly wax, it will hurt a young girl.) again around 11/12/13.
ps make sure teens wash make up off probely or they will have plenty of spots, yuck!

Twinkie1 Wed 02-Jul-08 18:56:12

I would get her an eyebrown shape s a gift so it is done properly if you let her at all - tell her she is never allowed to do it herself - my god if I had started at that age I would have none left.

Maybe let her have a few temporary highlights with one of those pen things you can get from boots and let her weat a little lippy and blusher but I wouldn;t go any further.

My DD is 8 and wants to wear make up but that is it - I am terrified when other questions come - I am trying to keep her my little girl.

girlandboy Wed 02-Jul-08 19:02:13

My dd is nearly 13. She shaves her pits and unfortunately last night took it upon herself to shave her legs for the first time. I was out at work, and came back to a girl with bleeding legs! Quite a large slash near her ankle. angry Have told her to wait for me to show her how in future.

She does pluck her eyebrows a bit, but this is because she had developed a rather spectacular uni-brow! But the plucking is restricted to the middle bit!!!!

No to highlights, though I have been asked. I made a throwaway comment about lemon juice and sunshine, and now she's all excited. Blimey!!

girlandboy Wed 02-Jul-08 19:03:56

Oh, and make-up. She does own a bit, but even she can tell she makes a rubbish job of it, so it's been relegated to the back of a drawer.

Wezzle Wed 02-Jul-08 19:14:44

DD1 is 12

she wears make-up (very limited for school)

has her eyebrows waxed - I take her with me when I get mine done and its mainly to prevent her from doing something stupid like shaving them off

she has had her hair hightlighted before- it's currently dyed dark brown

she was asking to shave her legs for ages. I let her use Veet to avoid the cut legs

She's come to me and asked about all of these things and has done them with my permission and under my supervision iykwim so I don't have a problem with it.

The new 'thing' is having her tummy button pierced at the beginning of the 6 weeks hols....the jury's still out on that one though.

hennipenni Thu 03-Jul-08 19:42:38

Oh yes the body piercing thing! DD would like her nose, tummy button and a secondset of ear piercings done. we compromised and have agreed to let her have her ears done again for her 14th birthday, with any luck she'll get bored with the idea as she has to wait until December.

piggypoohsmum Sun 06-Jul-08 16:29:12

Just a quick update and a thank you all for the advice.
DD has V hairy legs and has been aware of them since 8 when some kid made a tactless remark. So i have decided to let her have a pamper seeion in the summer hols where she can have her legs waxed professionally the first time. Will discuss eyebrows then hmm

Make up, gave DD a fab make up do yesterday. Bloody scared me as she looked about 18 but was done tastefully. Nasty mummy did smother her in foundation grin and she said it felt horrible and also she didnt like the mascara on her eyes and especially didnt like it all being taken off(might have made it worse than it was grin) so think i made progress there and will only be lipstick from now on.

Highlights. She has bought clip in ones for parties (thank you claires Acc)

DD has discovered that sticky gems on the side of her nose are as good as the real thing and fool even ME!!!!! Also used for double ear piercings.

So hopefully we have reached our compromise.
Also i'm lucky in the piercing stage as DD watched step-D's eyebrow, tummy & lip piercings all become infected and look very unsightly. Step-D also had tattoo at 15 which also got infected and pic is now distorted and looks stupid so DD not interested in that either.grin

Charlesmum Thu 02-Oct-08 14:40:09

My DD is 10.5 - she was teased the other day at school about having a "mono eyebrow". I said for her to ignore teasing but she wants to pluck the middle (it is quite dark). My initial reaction is that she is too young - but now I wonder if I am being too inflexible?

seeker Fri 03-Oct-08 10:04:37

My dd is 12. She wears mascara and a little eyeliner to school - but she is a red head and wears glasses, so (I hate to admit it) she does look better, and more to the point, feel better without white mice lashes. She has to get it past her dad and her form tutor, so she has learnt to be very subtle. A little more at the weekend, and more again for parties. Once again she has to get past her dad - who is not only a dad but a big brother!

She doesn't need to pluck her eyebrows or shave her legs. And I would resist the highlighting for as long as possible, but I suspect she will end up doing it in a friend's bedroom sometime anyway!

marmadukescarlet Fri 03-Oct-08 10:17:34

Seeker, it may be worth checking out eyelash dyeing - makes a big diff to 'white mice lashes' and not make up therefore no school issues.

It is easy to do and you can buy kits for home tinting - just make sure a proper patch test is done either behind ear or in crook of elbow.

seeker Fri 03-Oct-08 13:39:52

Than you, marmaduke. I did think about that - but she's at an all girls' school, and they turn a blind eye so long as it's not obvious. I think I approve - as I said, it means they are learning to be VERY subtle!

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