How bad do you think this is ...(10 Posts)
... or what is the worst bit? Last night ds2 (just 14) phones, is with his mates, says can he sleep over at friends house? Yes I say, and don't bother to check with mate's dad as they are usually quite trustworthy. Or so I thought. Tonight, same mate is having camping party in their garden so I drop ds2 off. "How nice of you to let him stay 2 nights running!" I say to the dad, and then it turns out the dad wasn't there the previous night, knew nothing of it, his own son should have been at his mum's house, so obv lies all round and the 2 14 yr olds spent the night in the house alone. I can't decide what is the worst bit in all this - the boys deceiving us, or staying alone doing god knows what, or me being careless & not checking? Think it's the first, am so annoyed, what would people do?
Fairly normal behaviour for 2 14yo boys.
Why was he not at his mothers house, and why did she not check where he was?
Well he prob said same thing to her ... can I stay at mate's house and she believed, like I did <gullible>
I'd be cross about the boys deceiving me, but agree some teenagers will do what they think they can get away with).
As far as DS1 is concerned (almost 14) I wouldn't be worried about what he was up to, cos he's fairly sensible most of the time.
I'd be cross with myself for not checking things out with the other parents tbh. That is something I would have done.
very typical - get used to it!
at least they were in a house, not on the street!
I would lose my rag with him, point out why it was an inconsiderate, stupid thing to do (lying to you not acceptable, what if something went wrong and you couldn't find him etc), ground him for as long as you can bear, and humiliate him by insisting on speaking to parents before any sleepovers until he has got the message.
It won't stop him doing it again but it will make you feel better!
Are they allowed to have a camping party on a school night?
Sorry if I seem old and fuddy duddy!
Also would stop DC s;eeping over tonight for punishment in not being quite as truthful as they should have been!
Well firstly almost everything they say at this age will be a lie of some sort or other. Apparently this is a normal developmental behaviour so basically you have to check up on any potentially dodgy situations. So whilst it is not unreasonable for you to have believed him it is also to be expected that he has lied <weary sigh due to over-familiarity of teen lies>
So go ape on his ass because it was a potentially dangerous situation and lying is shit but don't beat yourself up.
But then I only have DDs, one of which is 14, and as I tell her, its not you I don't trust its the others. She knows I am more likely to go along with things if she is more open with me. It works both ways.
had a very similar situation a few years ago, DS a similar age, but the lies more elaborate, I phoned all round town, at some points getting other parents who'd also been lied to, eventually tracked him down at a party at a friends (whose Mum was away) and dragged him off ...funny thing was we inadvertantly dragged off another lad, too, cos i said- it's not my business if you're here or not, but if you want a lift home you can come with us...and he meekly followed us out- I can be very scary it seems!
anyway, the point I think is the lying- the breach of trust- if they want more independence you have to be able to rely on them being where they say they'll be, within reason
Thanks all ... katie krr tomorrow is inset day hence gathering was allowed. I told ds2 to get back in the car and I was taking him home - v embarassing in front of 20 mates but he did it. So he is upstairs sulking. Now if this had been my ds1 he would have climbed out of his bedroom window by now and gone back to the party. I think part of the trouble is they have had life long labels - ds1 rebellious, ds2 compliant, but actually ds2 is morphing in to rebellious, and I find that rather hard to accept!
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