17yo DSD is pregnant, she has also been drinking non stop for the duration

[OhBurger]

Has anyone got any advice. What do we say to her, is it too late has there been damage done?

She must be about ten weeks pregnant, and as the title says I dont think she has had a sober day in that time. I know a little about FAS. I'm terrified for her. She is extremely difficult to deal with and has many problems of her own. She took a huge OD of anti ds two weeks ago. Shit shit shit

[Aitch]

oh god, poor all of you, what a thing to have to deal with. does she want the baby? can you arrange for her to see someone about this?

[mumblechum]

By drinking and ODing, I think she's giving a clear message that she doesn't want the baby, and needs help to talk about her options before it's too late.

[OhBurger]

She is in the south of England and we ar in scotland.

She is living in a BnB as she is homeless

[mumblechum]

Can't you go and pick her up and bring her home?

Sorry if this is out of the question for some reason.

[OhBurger]

She has been pregnant before, she had a mc. She only tested yesterday.

I can't believe how irresposible she is.

If I could I would march her home and take her to the docs to hear some very plain truths

[OhBurger]

She will not return home, She is an "adult" now apparently.

[Aitch]

but does she want this baby? what's she saying? does she want you to butt out and be happy for her?
she might have done some damage, but is it your point that she should have an abortion if she has? or is she talking about changing her behaviour since the test?
if you've lost a baby, the urge to get pregnant again is rather overwhelming, ime.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Ohburger.....

firstly, does she want the baby? Will she or is she likely to keep the baby if she doesn't MC?

Is there someone who she will listen to, or can you go down to see her?

when you say she's drinking, how much and what?

In the SE is pretty large... whereabouts? Is she anywhere near Watford?

Is she even partly open to talking to anyone about this?

[OhBurger]

I do not know if she wants the baby, she is too drunk to understand.

I reckon she will want to keep it. Which is absolutly fine as well. However she is not at a stage in her to cope with her own alcoholism and MH probs far less a baby.

The likley outcome wold be SS taking the baby away or us having the baby.

We have 3 young children at home and she cannot live with us because she is very unpredictable.

She will not speak to any one.

She lives in north devon.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Sorry, I didn't read your post properly. I thought you had written south EAST of England......... Sorry.

I'm not sure how much you can say to her from a distance as it doesn't appear much is going to get through. Presumably, she is spending her days with others who are drinking?

Does she have stabilising influences? A job? Family in the area? Why is she down there (if you don't mind me asking!)

This is one thing that does kind of get to me. Help for giving up smoking is SOOOO readily available, but is hard to find and expensive for alcohol.....

Can you go down to see her, take her to her GP? See if she can help at all?

[OhBurger]

We cannot go down, It is almost impossible. We cannot get her to come back up either. No job, no family. She had been living with her mothers freind but she muked it up.

She was living there to get away from her drinking buddies here. It worked well for about 5 mins but she whs drinking on her own and then met up with her new crowd.

I'm at a loss. My Dh burries his head in the sand and won't listen to advice. I have to tread very carefully.

I'm piggy in the middle, and it's DSD who is suffering.

[Youcannotbeserious]

I don't know what can be done from a distance... If she's not listening, then it's too easy to switch off and block it out.

Do you know what she's drinking and / or how much - I mean.... A bottle of wine a day / a bottle of vodka / a bottle of cider?

she has told you she's pregnant, and that means she does trust you on some level....... I appreciate that you don't want to push it and end up pushing her away from you.

Can you try an AA group local to her? Does she have a mobile that someone could contact her on?

When you say she's drunk, is it a state of constant haziness or periods of sobriety followed by dead drunk?

Sorry for all the questions, but I think that will make a difference on how you might be able to make some progress

[OhBurger]

Sorry I didn't get back.

She is drinking every day. She has a mobile.

She has decided she wants to keep it, has a GP appt. this am.

Says she will worry about any damage when baby is born.

I dont think she realises the facts about a baby born with FAS.

She has a mobile number and an alcohol councelor she announced this last night. She seems to be wearing her drink problem like a badge of honour.

[Justtwosecondspoppet]

Oh gosh you poor lady, you must be worried sick. Hopefully the doctor may talk to her a bit about FAS or may inform her that if she does continue as she is the child may be taken into care anyway, as a drunk mother, especially a young one on her own, would find it so difficult to cope with a sn child. I really can't offer much advice apart from the gp may persuade her to do something sensible, but if she is so strong willed and convinced that she is in the right then there is little you can do, I'm so sorry

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Oh christ poor you.

You must feel at an absolute loss, is there ANY way you can get from Scotland (but know how far away it is from N Devon).

I imagine that if she goes to the GP he will alert social services, won't he? I am trying to think if there is any kind of youth provision, or agency that will help her. I used to live in N Devon (whereabouts is she by the way) I will rack my brain and see if I can remember if there is some provision to help her.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Has she stopped drinking now she knows she wants to keep the baby?

Surely the GP won't be happy about that........ though maybe that's why she's now got an Alcohol counsellor?

I met one lady who was on drugs and methadone and planning to continue that all through her pregnancy and SS weren't involved, even though her consultant were aware, which I thought was quite scary!

As I say, though, it really depends what and how much she is drinking. Even every day might not mean the baby is taken off her, if she is 'functioning' and trying to get help?

From what I've read, spirits are really, really bad for unborn babies......

[OhBurger]

hi all, she had a MMC, had one sober day and is back on the piss with a vengance.

I honestly do not know where to go or what to do about her.

She was fully aware of the risks to her unborn baby but she reckoned that she would deal with it when it was born.

It has been a blessing for the poor baby that she had a mc. But now I fear that she will be pregnant again very soon.

She has some very complex behavioural issues.

I am at my wits end with her father, my own course of action would be to step right back from her, explain my reasons with a very clear schedule for once weekly phone contact. And it is on the condition that she is sober. No more money and no more rescuing!!

I do realise that as a parent this would be extremely dificult to do however, she must realise that SHE IS and has the problem not the rest of the world.

Gawd, I will stop going on for now. Giving myself a head ache.

[pinkteddy]

I think you are right about stepping back from her and no rescuing. Very hard to do though especially when its your daughter. I've been through similar with a family member and no real advice to give . In the end she herself has to want to stop - nothing you say or do will make any difference ime. Just make it clear that you will be there for her when she is ready to stop. I do feel for you.