dd dilema

[rema]

Would you let your dd's bf sleep in the same room?

[Wisteria]

how old?

[rema]

She is 17 and a half, he is 17. But it is more the fact that i have only met him once for about 5 minutes and her dad never has. She has been with him for about 3 or 4 weeks but they havnt slept together yet. She has had sex with 1 other boy in a longterm relationship. (She is sensible). Her dad has said NO WAY but as he is working away i think she hopes i will give in. She insists nothing will happen, they just want to sleep together and they are going somewhere for the day tomorrow so it is easier to be together.

[Wisteria]

it's hard isn't it but looking at it objectively, it's your house so if you don't want him staying over until you know him a bit better then it's entirely reasonable and she should accept that.

However, if it's because of the sex issue then it's not worth it, she's of consenting age and they will whether it's under your roof or not.

[tegan]

I would let my dd at 17. as you say she is sensible and at 17 she is capable of making her own decisions.

I think you have to consider this poor lad too. he obviously is in it for the loang haul to be brave enough to stay anyway.

[mumeeee]

No.

[IamTheSpeedingHam]

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[mellyonion]

hi. i'm with wisteria....
depends why you're not quite comfortable...could he come over for some food in the week so you could get to know him better? you know your daughter, and trust that she obviously likes this lad a lot, is he good to her? make her happy?
she sounds mature, and at going on 18, could well be living on her own....then you'd have no choice! lol
most of the younger of the teens i work with say their parents don't allow boys sleeping over, but lots of the older ones who are in a relationship are allowed every weekend.
hth.
good luck.

[mellyonion]

re reading your op, looks like i'm too late!

hope it went well, whatever you decided.

[chenin]

Rema... I have been in this position. I have left DD1 have your bf stay in her room, but only when I knew it was a relationship that had the intention of being a long haul one.

If you have barely met him, and they have been only going out for 3 or 4 weeks, its not exactly a 'steady' bf so I would say 'no' in those circs, but would explain that if you knew the boy better and they had been going out a while, that would be 'yes'.

I at 'she insists nothing will happen].... she is hardly likely to say different so I would ignore that bit!

Good luck!

[chenin]

Can't type... that should read -

I have left DD1 have her bf stay in her room (as opposed to your bf

[alysonpeaches]

The problem is when you say no (I did at first) they do it anyway IYSWIM. One time I let the BF stay over because of a particular outing they had, I made him a bed on the settee. In the middle of the night I got up for some water. He wasnt there ...

Then there was the time during her GCSEs when I was at work when my MIL and FIL caught them in bed together. I wish I had taken a stronger line, because my daughter became pregnant, but its hard to see what I could have done apart from fitting a chastity belt or guarding her day and night.

But its your house and if you are extremely uncomfortable about it, say no, while youre under my roof its my rules.

[Emprexia]

My dad wouldn't let my BF's stay in my room until i was 20.

Considering he let my brothers girlfriends stay over i was pretty pissed about it

Eventually i pretty much told him if he didn't let my BF sleep in my room when he stayed over at xmas after we'd been together 6months and i'd been practically living at his every weekend, that i wouldn't be spending xmas with them at all.

If you believe she's responsible, then say yes.. treat her as an adult.

[Emprexia]

I should add the BF in question is now my DH g

[Wisteria]

Teenagers will have sex - end of - it's what they do

Mine haven't quite got there yet but I think I will allow them to stay over once they are past the age of consent and make sure that the contraception is taken care of. It will be only boys who we know and have been on the scene for a decent amount of time though - I wouldn't be happy with any strangers staying over, male or female.

My Dad actually stopped my partner and I staying in the same room together when we were 25 and 21 because we weren't married - what made it worse was the fact we had just had a baby together, mortgage joint bank account etc etc.......