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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Dd and her appalling dress sense!

237 replies

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 30/07/2021 15:27

I have a lovely bubbly 15yo dd.
She’s had her body issues over the years (12/13yo) as was always bigger and taller than her peers, but now somehow seems fine about herself. She’s very large chested and hipped with a small waist and big bum, so probably quite fashionable, but is also frankly a bit overweight but doesn’t care enough atm to reduce the sugar.
I’m very happy that she’s happy with her body. I was the same shape and very self conscious and have done everything I could to ensure she is confident in herself.

However… I’m finding it difficult to not comment negatively on her dress sense as it’s SO revealing. She’s proud of her boobs, wears crop tops with spaghetti straps and tiny shorts she’s falling out of. She’s just bought a dress which manages to show off her legs, boobs AND stomach Confused

It’s just so… tarty.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and she thinks she looks lovely, so I’m obviously not saying what I really think.

Any advice? Do I just shut up and wait for her to grow up?

OP posts:
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SiSiSi · 30/07/2021 15:29

Well fuck me. Where do I start!?

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Zarene · 30/07/2021 15:31

Yes, you shut up.

Your poor DD.

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freelions · 30/07/2021 15:32

I would keep your mouth shut

Only offer an opinion if she asks

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GetTaeFuck · 30/07/2021 15:32

Wow, talk about internalised misogyny.

Let your daughter wear whatever the fuck she wants.

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SiSiSi · 30/07/2021 15:33

I just keep rereading Confused and it doesn't get any better. I hope to goodness that you don't talk to your daughter like that?

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Comedycook · 30/07/2021 15:33

I think if you do bring it up, you should focus on the revealing aspect of the clothing rather than her size

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MK19590 · 30/07/2021 15:33

I have no words.

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Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2021 15:34

You're her parent, you SHOULD be telling her what you think, and you should be putting your foot down. What she is wearing is totally inappropriate for a girl her age, and in my opinion a girl/woman of any age. Other people can wear whatever the hell they want, but your child, no. She needs direction and guidance from you, not silence. When she's an adult, she can do as she pleases.

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SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2021 15:34

Well i think it depends.

Grandads funeral, a smart meal for your Anniversary, an interview for college etc. Yes you should be directing her towards something appropriate but not by shaming her choices.

General daily wear? Nah, she'll work it out. How do her friend's dress?

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Megan2018 · 30/07/2021 15:35

Leave her to it

But photos will be mandatory for her 18/21st - we all have photos of looking shocking as a teen. It’s expected.

I’m of an era of frosted lipstick, hairsprayed spiral perms and a lot of army surplus. I looked ridiculous. But I thought it was brilliant at the time.

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Etceteraaah · 30/07/2021 15:37

Don't say anything. My mum used to always make negative comments about my hair, make up, clothes etc when I was a teen- it never stopped me from doing all the things that she disliked, but it did make me feel humiliated and self-conscious, as well as defiant and angry at her.

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RisingSunn · 30/07/2021 15:39

You need to tell her. You’re her parent. You just need to phrase it differently. She’s too young to be dressing like that. She can do what she wants when she’s an adult.

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IWantT0BreakFree · 30/07/2021 15:40

Given that 99% of your post has to do with her body shape you really need to examine your thought process here and think about what it is that you actually have a problem with.

IMO some of her clothes sound inappropriate for a child to be wearing. However your issue seems to be almost entirely based on what her body looks like in the clothes, and your OP is reading as though you would be fine with her choice of outfits if she were skinny.

Also "tarty"? God you sound like my (extremely prudish, extremely judgemental) mother. A female's choice in clothing does not signify anything about her sexual behaviour whatsoever.

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Quartz2208 · 30/07/2021 15:41

Your user name speaks volumes I think about your own body issues and clearly how you feel about yourself is now spilling over into your daughter.

Your posts is filled with little comments about actually how you arent sure how she is happy with herself and her figure.

Leave her to it - she isnt you

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WorriedWishingWell · 30/07/2021 15:43

Would you be so bothered if she was a size 8?
Confused

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nonotmenotI · 30/07/2021 15:46

My mum would tell me my clothes did me no favours and that I was over weight. It didn't suit my body shape or my puppy fat. I was sent to a diet clinic when I was 13 because she was so unhappy with my weight.

Do not behave like my mother, trust me when I tell you that she will never forgive you for the low self esteem you will cause her.

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TheMarzipanDildo · 30/07/2021 15:46

@Aquamarine1029

You're her parent, you SHOULD be telling her what you think, and you should be putting your foot down. What she is wearing is totally inappropriate for a girl her age, and in my opinion a girl/woman of any age. Other people can wear whatever the hell they want, but your child, no. She needs direction and guidance from you, not silence. When she's an adult, she can do as she pleases.

I think it’s only appropriate for a 15 year old Grin
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DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 30/07/2021 15:46

It sounds like you have issue with her clothes because you think she's too fat for them.

Maybe you need to work on your attitude before critiquing her.

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SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2021 15:47

@RisingSunn

You need to tell her. You’re her parent. You just need to phrase it differently. She’s too young to be dressing like that. She can do what she wants when she’s an adult.

So what bit can she show? Her knees? Ankles? If her knickers are covered, whats so offensive about her thighs? And stomachs - people are so weird about women showing their stomachs. Lads and men can, absolutely fine. But females do and its suddenly sexual. It's just a belly

Breasts i do think it depends on what's on show, but buying decent, well fitted bras will ensure shes not flashing nipples etc.
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Datingandnoideahowto · 30/07/2021 15:48

I’m speechless.

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ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 30/07/2021 15:50

OP the first conversation you need to have is with yourself, you need to be honest about what you're thinking here. Almost anything you say to her about this has the potential to be deeply damaging: tread carefully.

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Mamette · 30/07/2021 15:53

Just let her wear whatever she likes, and in fact compliment her no matter what you’re really thinking. Especially if you can see she’s made a extra effort.

IME this very short dress phase does not last too long, DD is 20 now but wore super-short things around the 14/15 mark. Now she wears ripped mom jeans or and DMs and fleeces that people would have worn skiing in 1983.

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QuentinBunbury · 30/07/2021 15:53

Oh god, solidarity here. My 15yo dd and her best friend went out in effectively bras (very skimpy soft bra tops) last week, I was very conflicted. On one hand I want her to be confident wearing what she wants, onthe other I was worried she was going to get harassed by men for having everything out there!
The fashion at the moment is very pornified imo and teenagers want to be fashionable. It's awful.
I have no advice , I just think some posters haven't really clocked on to what teen girls wear at the moment. It's Shock

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pinkyredrose · 30/07/2021 15:54

Tarty?

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1forAll74 · 30/07/2021 15:55

I think that you have just have to let it roll,with teenagers and their choices of clothes, especially these days, with the vast choices they have to experiment with.

I was this age in the 1960 era, and my late Mum, was always aghast at my very short mini skirts that were all the rage then, my big hair, my eyeliner and cheap perfume , and maybe some stiletto shoes to fall over in. I left school at 15, and got a job in an office in three weeks, and previous to this , I had been wearing school uniform, which was gymslips and blouses, so had to get real in an office,with all the other women.

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