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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

DD accused of sending Nude to a boy in school and she's devastated

178 replies

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:49

Dd is suffering from low mood and anxiety ans has never enjoyed secondary school. She has a strong set of friends out of school but has never really had firm friends at school which she finds hard and sad about.
Anyway she started self harming last week and told me. I spoke to GP and have booked her for private counselling which we are waiting for a date.
She fell out with her bf after Xmas and doesn't know why, bf just stopped speaking to her for no reason which has definitely been a source of dd anxiety.

She rang me at lunchtime yesterday begging me to pick her up from school. She then burst into tears when she was in the car and told me a boy (her ex best friends ex boyfriend )had told another boy, that a girl (from a different school) had sent him a nude picture. that boy then decided to shout out in the dinner hall that it was my DD who sent it. All but one of her friends have turned against my dd believing that she did send the nude and how dare she do this to her bf 😢
Then last night dd was getting snap chats from on random girl being basically Abusive and bullying dd. She was absolutely heart broken and begged us to not send her into school.
We insisted she needs to go to the school which she has done and try to ignore and be strong.

My question is what else can is do?
She won't let me contact school as snitches are treat even worse!
But she is desperately unhappy and I am absolutely lost as to how to help her.
Thanks

OP posts:

Report

KateWinsome · 29/04/2021 09:51

How old is your DD?

ComDummings · 29/04/2021 09:51

There are times when you need to go against what your child wants in order to help them. She doesn’t want you to contact the school, I get it, but you need to tell your DD you will contact them and then do it. The teachers need to sort this out.

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:51

Dd categorically denies sending nudes and we totally believe her.

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Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:52

She's 15

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Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:52

I'm Absolutely heartbroken 😔

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TheQueef · 29/04/2021 09:52

Contact school, snitches ffs.
This could have legal ramifications of under 16.

ComDummings · 29/04/2021 09:53

Also if the school aren’t helpful and your DD is getting abuse online (Snapchat and the like) I would also be getting the police involved.

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:55

That's what my friend told me. She said this is a police matter and the school
Should be taking it seriously. My concern is that the fall back from contacting school
And police could potentially be damaging for dd.

I am furious on her behalf but uncharted waters as to how to handle this

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CoddledAsAMommet · 29/04/2021 09:56

Don't send her to that school ever again. She's already self-harming.
If this was happening to you at work you'd leave. Support her. Apologise for making her go in today and let her know that you'll be finding a new school as soon as possible.
I have older teenagers and this is what I'd do. Resilience doesn't mean putting up with atrocious behaviour indefinitely. Teach her that if a situation is bad (school/relationships/work) then leaving and starting anew is a perfectly valid response. Honestly, don't make her go back.

ComDummings · 29/04/2021 09:57

@CoddledAsAMommet

Don't send her to that school ever again. She's already self-harming.
If this was happening to you at work you'd leave. Support her. Apologise for making her go in today and let her know that you'll be finding a new school as soon as possible.
I have older teenagers and this is what I'd do. Resilience doesn't mean putting up with atrocious behaviour indefinitely. Teach her that if a situation is bad (school/relationships/work) then leaving and starting anew is a perfectly valid response. Honestly, don't make her go back.

This is good advice about resilience ^

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:59

Ok so I have rang school and asked for urgent

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KateWinsome · 29/04/2021 09:59

Give her tomorrow off. Contact the school (not police). My DD's school would sort this - hope your DD's does too.

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:59

Appointment

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Warmduscher · 29/04/2021 10:00

If the boy in question still has the image on his phone, it should be possible for the police to determine who sent it. They should also be able to check your DD’s phone for the same.

Don’t send her back. I know it will be a nightmare to organise but apply for an mid year place at another school.

Also ask to speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead at the school - this is often the Head, but may be the deputy. Explain everything to them and ask what they intend to do about it, even if she’s leaving.

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 10:04

Fuck do I go and get her at lunch time?

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Warmduscher · 29/04/2021 10:06

@Whitegrenache

Fuck do I go and get her at lunch time?

Only if she said she wanted to be picked up at lunchtime.

You could make it worse if you go in during the school day and take her home. Wait till you hear from her.

TheQueef · 29/04/2021 10:07

I would get her.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 29/04/2021 10:10

Contact thd school

Wanderlusto · 29/04/2021 10:10

Tell her that 'men who abuse women do not deserve protecting' and that she should say this every time anyone says anything about her 'snitching'.

That he is sharing photos of some young girl around which is illegal and also trying to use them to shame her and damage her and that shit should not be tolerated by women because it is sick.

If she gets other girls on side this way, things will soon be quelled.

JuicyMcJuiceFace · 29/04/2021 10:16

I wouldn't go and get her, no. These are the ridiculous teenage waters that she has to navigate through - with your help.

I would be overruling her and speaking to the school however and attempting to get to the bottom of what had gone on. And then I'd be speaking with DD and seeing how she goes.

JuicyMcJuiceFace · 29/04/2021 10:17

The photo sharing and sending is illegal and whoever is behind it needs a rocket up their arse. The police is a good shout if it continues

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 10:23

I don't know that the boy who has the picture, has shared the photo with anyone. He can't help what a girl sends him so unless he has shared or shown it to someone else he hasn't done anything wrong. I have a teenage ds so am aware that this is a tricky time for boys too.

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Nomorescreentime · 29/04/2021 10:26

I'm pretty sure even just having such a photo on his phone would be illegal. If she's never made a form set of friends, by this point I agree it may be worth looking at moving schools. I would expect school to be dealing with this pretty robustly in the meantime.

For the self harm, there is a 6 week online help course called alumina that is free that could be worth a look while you wait for counselling.

Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 11:43

She's just texted saying kids are calling her a slut and slag

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TheQueef · 29/04/2021 11:45

Go get her.
Poor lass.
Just get her home.

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