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14 years old dd piling on weight

(308 Posts)
ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:33:35

And l don’t know what to do.

She’s always loved her grub. As a child she was always hungry and asking for food. And I’d be really confused as she would have had a big meal then say she was hungry 15 minutes later.

I could control it to some extent when she was little. We’ve got 3 others who are older and aren’t like this.

At Christmas, DH and l chucked out all Christmas goodies day after Boxibg Day as she was just eating them non stop. But she just carried on and on. She has piled on about a stone and a half.

We don’t have crap in, but she just eats endless toast and cereal. We’ve now only got porridge. So she eats toast constantly. I’ve had to get rid of the peanut butter, but there’s still butter. We have to have some basic foods in the house like bread and cereal.

She eats a good breakfast, lunch and tea. Plenty of protein. But this isn’t really the issue, it’s the non stop eating between meals. Is it possible to be this hungry? She’ll eat fruit too, but it’s just non stop.

She refuses point blank to do any exercise. I’ve offered to do couch to 5k or buy her a trampoline or dance class subscription. But she refuses.

Last night she was on her 4th round of toast and DS said ‘That’s enough’ Now she won’t talk to him.

What do we do? Ignore it and watch it happen? Speak to her? It’s getting out of controlsad

OP’s posts: |
pensivepigeon Sat 23-Jan-21 11:37:25

Is there any type of bread she's not keen on? Then buy that.

Maybe get rid of the toaster? Grilling under a grill is not as convenient.

Otherwise see if you can find nutritional guidelines on how much bread or carbs she should be eating. Guidelines for salt levels might do it. Then show her. Say she is not allowed to go over them. Say you are all having a health kick.

pensivepigeon Sat 23-Jan-21 11:38:58

And look up guidelines for exercise. Show her them. Say you are worried about her health lng term if she doesn't do any.

Coldwinterahead1 Sat 23-Jan-21 11:40:02

The more you limit food the more she will want it and become a secret eater (talking from experience)

Whatwouldscullydo Sat 23-Jan-21 11:40:12

Limit phone/Internet access.

I would suspect shes both bored and that perhaps something has happened asbsje comfort eating

Tell her she can't have it back until you have all been fir a walk and gotten some exercise and fresh air.

Don't let her have it over night

ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:40:47

She loves any bread.

Good idea of getting rid of toaster.

I can show her, we’ve told her we’re all having a health kick. But short of hiding bread and cereal I’m not sure what else to do. She doesn’t care about what she is allowed. I’ve spoken to her about healthy eating. It’s just met with a stone glare or a defiant ‘I can eat what l want’

OP’s posts: |
ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:41:46

Her phone is the only method of staying in touch with her friends. I’m not sure taking it away is going to solve anything.

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:42:14

But l will remove it until she goes for a walk

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pensivepigeon Sat 23-Jan-21 11:43:29

She sounds very defiant. Is this a new thing?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:43:36

But Coldwinterahead, what else do l do?

Our others were brought up with goodies available as l didn’t want to ban any food. They regulated them self and grew up fine. She seems to have no self regulation.

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:43:56

She’s always been defiant and non compliant.

OP’s posts: |
ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:44:37

I’ve just suggested she meet a friend to go for a walk.

She texted back ‘don’t care’

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Whatwouldscullydo Sat 23-Jan-21 11:44:55

Might be tine for a "phone check"

Make sure she's not talking to strangers or getting into arguments etc

If she's in a WhatsApp group where they are all arguing or talking bollocks all day akd all night uts gonna be winding her up.

For her own safety it wouldn't hurt to check what's going on

pensivepigeon Sat 23-Jan-21 11:44:59

What do you usually do to curb any negative behaviours from her?

Coldwinterahead1 Sat 23-Jan-21 11:48:00

I self regulates eventually but I always remember my mother weighing me when I was 13 and shaking her head, then buying my Lean Cuisine ready meals and me sneaking food to eat in my room at night. My mum has really funked my relationship up with weight/food.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:48:24

We check her phone. It’s fine. I hear her shrieking with laughter most of the time.

We usually take phone away, but she is struggling in lockdown a lot. It’s her only means of talking to her friends. She often plays online games with her friends via her computer and phone.

She’s never been an easy child. Always defiant. I spent many years reading ‘The Explosive Child’ she’s been assessed for all of the possibilities. She doesn’t have any.

OP’s posts: |
notacooldad Sat 23-Jan-21 11:48:33

In your shoes I would stop buying cereals and bread. That is easier said than done for a lot of people but I stoped buying it about 8 years ago.
We never have treats or snacks in. That's not to say we don't have them, of course we do but we have to make a point of buying them rather than having them in as a matter of course.
I wouldn't be limiting the foods as such but the choice would be limited.
I know people would argue saying it's not fair in others living there but it won't do them any harm either.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:49:40

Cold winter- she can self regulate when she chooses too, but at the moment she is choosing not to.

But what is more harmful? Taking action now, or letting her like on weight to the point of no return?

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Whatwouldscullydo Sat 23-Jan-21 11:50:03

Some of those online games can be dodgy id monitor that.

Among us

They have all made the news one way ir another.

They provide the perfect opportunity to groom children

ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:51:29

There’s only the 3 of us now. I was contemplating hiding them, but that seemed kind of too draconian. Now I’m not sure.

But she’ll know why. So it all seems underhand, because we can’t have an open conversation about weight.

There’s no goodies now.

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow Sat 23-Jan-21 11:52:17

She’s fine online. We’ve checked. I hear her talking to her friends. She’s not being groomed in any way.

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AradiaGC Sat 23-Jan-21 11:53:01

Maybe let her take charge of it a bit more? I know that at 14 if my parent had declared 'we're all going to eat healthily and exercise from now on' and gotten rid of the foods I liked my instictive reaction would have been 'I'm not!' because it would have felt like unacceptable control over me, making a drastic change that I had no say in. If I loved toast I'd have seen getting rid of the toaster as really petty and would have grilled (or fried!) my bread to make a point.

Ask her how she thinks she could improve her health, and encourage and enable her to follow her own suggestions. Don't fixate on her weight because she may be sensitive about it, and if there are emotional reasons behind the overeating it may make things worse.

itsgettingweird Sat 23-Jan-21 11:53:19

How's she managing with clothes if she's put on so much weight? Are you just buying her more and more?

It maybe worth while letting her take control for herself?

A weekly allowance for some food items - Eg she gets a box with enough cereal and bread for a week and so she learns to limit it. Monthly clothing allowance.

You may need to then put the family stuff in a locked cupboard she can't access.

In there any concerns with other areas of development? Sometimes sensory issues etc can be a contributor?

Isla2021 Sat 23-Jan-21 11:55:58

I would honestly take her to the GP.. there could be an underlying health concern! Have you thought about this?

Imiss2019 Sat 23-Jan-21 11:56:36

Carbs like cereal and bread are hideously addictive so if you can face it I would put the whole family on a low carb diet so there is nothing like that in the house.

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