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Should I forgive my Grandmother and Aunt?(4 Posts)
My Nan didn't want to know me at birth. I've always considered my Mum's Aunt and Uncle my grandparents and they've always treated me the same as their actual grandchildren, this made her extremely jealous. My Nan both physically and emotionally abused my Grandad for years and the only thing stopping him from leaving before was that he was scared she would take her anger out on the children, so he waited until they were all grown up. My uncle is currently in prison, serving a 6 year sentence for arson. He had depression so he set his flat on fire, his 8 year old daughter was inside and got trapped. They both had to be pulled out the window by people passing by who stood on top of a car to get to them. My Aunt is a kleptomaniac and is severely depressed and needs help. She has stolen £500s worth of hairdressing equipment for no reason and I'm 99% sure she has stolen money from me. She was convinced that my uncle was having an affair with his best friend who he went to school with so she told her about his Crohn's disease to put her off of him something he prefers to keep private. His best friend is my sister's boss. I have been getting closer to her recently. Stayed at her house a few times, just generally enjoy spending time with her as she's a good person. My uncle is now leaving my Aunt because of all of this. My Nan said the most vile things to me only a few nights ago, she said that she thinks me, my dad and my uncle are all having affairs with my sister's boss and uncle's best friend, and that her and my sister are both filthy sluts who deserve to be raped for the photos they post on social media. Now that I've cooled down a bit, I've started to think more straightly. I'll never forgive any of them for the things they've said and done, but there's one thing I can't change, and that's that by blood, they are family and as much as I don't particularly like any of them, they could be dropping dead right now for all I know and I'd much rather that the next time I see them would be to calmly speak to them than seeing them dead in a funeral parlour. As angry as I still am with all of them, I still want to give them all a chance to help me to understand. My stepdad encouraged me to do this so I really hope I'm doing the right thing?
They sound awful.
They are unlikely to change and will continue to cause upset and distress if you keep them in your life. You may be bonded by blood but why would you choose to see people who treat you like that?
I’m really sorry but I do n’t think they will change, I really think you’d be better cutting them off, you won’t get the closure you want from them.
If you forgive them, you forgive them for your own mental health. Not because they will ever change & become nicer people or deserve compassion. Forgiveness doesn't mean that they must have any place in your life, too. You can forgive & never see them. Forgiveness is just a mental state that allows you to let go of the past.
Not that I'm religious, but this is a really good convo to have with people like Christian priests or ministers.