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Teens First Love - Dilemma(7 Posts)
My 14 year old son has been with his first love for over a year now. I did try to advise him that it would be better not to have a proper girlfriend until he had finished his education, but he felt he was doing the right thing and they have had some really nice times together, they treat each other with love and respect and she is a lovely girl from a lovely family.
Of course, as teenagers do, they are meeting lots of new people and our son is a really good looking boy, so nearly every girl he meets wants a bit more than friendship.
I explained the importance of treating his girlfriend respectfully and how cheating on anyone is not a nice thing to do and he does say he wouldn’t do that to her, so he shrugs off all of these girls but is still friendly with them all, which his girlfriend doesn’t mind as much now (she didn’t used to like it, but I told my son to tell her she could trust him and he has never done anything improper with another girl up to this point).
There is a new girl in the crowd and she is very flirty with my son, she really likes him and they have been doing things with a few friends (with the girlfriend also included) but also gone out just the two of them. Nothing other than a lingering goodbye hug has happened between them so far, but the more he spends time with her the more he is getting to like her and she definitely likes him.
He is now having a bit of a meltdown as to his feelings for both these girls, he is seeing the initial reason I advised against getting a proper gf so young, which was the only good advice I had!
What on earth do I advise him here, he loves his gf but wishes he didn’t have the responsibility for her happiness (it is a lot aged 14 I think), he wants to maybe end things with her, but he really likes her friendship, he wants to be just friends with both these girls .. he doesn’t want to hurt anyone really, awwww, I really feel for him having all this to think about.
Any advice, help, comments you can give would be much appreciated please, thanks in advance 😊
13/14 away too young to be so serious
Tell him to end with gf face to face not by snapchat or text as this is a mean way to end.
Tell him to tell gf that he likes her very much and would like to stay friends but he would like to see other people
It is definitely not nice for him to meet the otherw girl alone if he has feelings for her.
Girls can be so mean and she may taunt his gf.
Tell him not to go straight into another long term bf/Gf go with a few different girls to see how he feels.
Thanks Andi, that is kind of where my advice was going itself. He has only been out with the other girl with his gf permission, so it’s not being done sneakily and this girl only told him yesterday how much she likes him, but also said she knows he has a gf and doesn’t want to hurt her, so hats off to them for acting quite thoughtful at such a young age.
I said the same, anything he does needs to be done face to face and to definitely not jump into another gf/bf situation, which he totally agrees with, but I know it’s going to be such a hard conversation to have with his girl, he is so close to her family, especially her father and he is just as worried about upsetting him as his girl.
Thanks for you help, much appreciated
Now he knows this other girl has feeling for him he needs to stop seeing her alone. Her telling him that isn't being thoughtful, it is testing the water and backstabbing her friend, not particularly admirable.
I'd be encouraging him to spend more time with other friends. Does he have any friends from outside of this little hareem at school?
Out of school club friends?
If so I'd be encouraging him to take a step back from both these girls and to spend time with others after school and on weekends. Possibly invite some over and help him move away from the intensity of his current situation.
Yes I do agree, she is certainly testing the water, but she is not back stabbing her friend, her and the gf are not actually friends, she is friends with another girl in the crowd, so they hardly know each other
Yes he does have lots of friends, he doesn’t spend as much time with just the gf as they used too, she is also going out lots more with her own friends, so it could come to a natural end, but it might not. He is going to see her this week and have the chat and he has told the other girl they can’t go out alone anymore, so I know he is trying to do the right thing here. I have told him to be honest as well in the future and just revert back to my original advice, eg I’m too young to have a gf at the moment but I will happily be your friend
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