Shy teen hardly socialises

[MoominMama9]

Hi, I'm just wondering whether anyone has any advice for me regarding my 13 year old daughter. She has always been shy and is happy with her own company. She has a best friend and a small group of friends at school but is a bit of a follower, never one to speak up or make suggestions. I am always encouraging her to do things with friends and praise her as much as possible for all of the brilliant things she does. I've just found out that, since lockdown has eased, her friends have met up a couple of times to go for ice cream or just hang out and she hasn't been invited. She says she isn't bothered but I worry that she will continue to be left out unless her confidence grows. She is so kind and never has a bad word to say about anyone. I don't make an issue of it to her but I feel really upset about it. How can i encourage her to got out more without making it a huge deal?

[AnneOfCleavage]

So her best friend went out with the group but didn't think to invite your DD? I bet your DD found out on social media, poor girl.

No advice per se as this same thing happened to DD when her best friend invited another two friends, who are part of same group, to a picnic and not DD then posted pics on snapchat late evening so DD had a bad night all upset about it. I encouraged her to ring the friend and ask why she hadn't invited her and she did the following morning and the girl was embarrassed and then said she would see DD that Sat so all was good. DD then said please invite me when you see them again and the friend had to admit she was seeing them on the Sunday so DD then awkwardly got invited. They had a fab time so it wasn't any reason other than her BF is jealous and wants attention on her own terms.

Could your DD ask her BF why she didn't think to invite her?

My DD also invited some different girls on a picnic and they all went and had a lovely time but none of them have invited her to anything since and it's been a week. I suggest she text and see if just one wants to go for a walk but she isn't bothered. I try and give the tools but they have to want to use them. My parents weren't good at that and I had to learn it all myself so I really wanted to help my own DD but you can't force them. My DD is also a really sweet, kind, lovely girl too so think they get pushed aside sometimes. So hard isn't it.

[jackandjill12]

Like your DD my daughter struggles going out with friends I wouldn't say she is shy she just isn't particularly competitive and she is a very honest girl and all her friends seem to be liars and highly competitive about who is the prettiest, who is the thinnest etc. She gave up on friendships a few weeks ago and has been so happy since. She watches you tube and netflix too much but has taken her away from the drama ...... today she was invited out with a different group of friends - they all to go separate schools and had all grown apart but decided to meet up today. DD wasn't going to go because they are all so competitive and is always about who is best. She lasted 20 minutes - they are 14 and were talking about how many boys they have slept with !!!! And also how many times they have been drunk!!! I really wanted her to try with these girls just in case it worked. My DD is just very very different to todays normal teenage girls and I am glad. She used to try and fit in and 3 months ago she would have joined in with the competitiveness but she has decided she would rather be friendless and happy than have to be something she really isn't just to have friends!!!! I feel so sad for her but she actually doesn't seem that bothered.

[MoominMama9]

I think I am comparing my daughter to others too much. I compare her to my niece who is the same age but seems so much older. I compare her to myself at her age - always out and about with friends. I compare her to my friends kids who all seem so outgoing and confident. I've realised that I'm the only one who is upset and stressing about this situation so I really want to stop. I'm going to do my best to make the most of her enjoying spending time with me because who knows, this time next year I may be on here worrying that she is always out! I'm doing my very best to encourage her to join a club but so far she's not particularly interested. It really helps to know that she is not the only teen like this, it also helps to remind myself that it's ok if your kids spend a lot of time on YouTube/Netflix etc as long as they're happy.

[shadypines]

I have a similar Dd OP and you're sounds lovely, it a tough but hang in there, mine is now 18 and my new worry is her going to uni and all that's involved. She has never been one for the girly dramas and business and has only ever wanted one of two decent friends. She is happy in her own company and doesn't have the energy for all the other shit. Putting blending in and being popular above being kind and decent is poor road to travel is the motto I lived by and tried to pass on to my dd, this along with trying to find kindred spirits in hobbies and interests.wishing you and Dd well,apologies this mobile device I am on does not make writing a post easy!

[shadypines]

[MoominMama9]

Thank you all for your support, dd has arranged a picnic with her little group of pals so hopefully that will encourage them to meet up again