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Don't recognise my DD 14(4 Posts)
My DD is what is consider a sensible teen. She's been keeping up her HW in lockdown and chatting all hours on her phone to friends. I trust her and let her be. I recently repaired her old iPad and realised her photos were synced. What I saw made me realise I don't know her at all. There are screenshots of snapchats. Screenshots where boys have asked for nudes/sexual references about her body. A 'film' recording a text conversation where she supposedly sends a photo of a positive pregnancy test and a following conversation. I almost died seeing that until I checked her deleted photo history and realised it was something she made up...likely to post. And finally in the deleted photo I found a photo of her in her underwear. I also saw a video of her having her top ears pierced by friends which she has not told me about, and is something I said she could have done next year. Where do I start?? Part of me wants to scare her and say I've been sent or told about that photo so others must know and to find out if she actually sent it to someone. Another part of me just wants to scream at her/cry neither of which will have a desired effect.
I would talk openly about my worries, what is wrong and the reasons that is wrong, I wouldn't have a particular strategy but just an open and truthful conversation. She likes to use her phone all hours, well let's go online together to look for news about what happened to teens who have behaved like that, it's plenty of even dramatic situations. Then look for good posts about parents, teens and phones rules. You'll find a parental control app is strongly recommended, if she uses apple devices turn on the apple Family Sharing parental control, for android install Family Link, totally free, then block all the inappropriate app, especially those to chat with strangers, activate the option to let new apps installations only after your approval, limit the screen time to maximum 2 hours a day (it's recommended 2 hours including any screen so, excluding screen time for schoolwork, one hour on phone could be enough), block the devices one hour before bedtime and during the night, and occasionally check straight her phone. It's not a punishment, it just a necessity in her best interest.
There are even parental controls that let you supervise more deeply her phone, like alerting you about suspicious words and images, or that let you read all her messages, but those are not free and for what I know they don't work very well, anyway you could do that after the evening block.
I think for teens managing all the online world under peer pressure, hormone changes, desire to grow, is very hard if not impossible, they need much more time to understand all of that, what is useful and what is dangerous, that is the reason a parental control app is a necessity, together with your supervision and support.
Thank you. That's really useful. Yes, we are all on Apple and have now restricted her social media apps to half an hour a day. And she's restricted from social events for rest of the month. This has all come about during lockdown. I'm disappointed and I hope that sinks in
@Butterfly44 have you spoken to her about photos when you said you are restrict her social media to half an hour.
I spot check my kids phone until they are 16.
I have one over 16 and 2 under 16.
Never found any photos that where Inappropriate but there has been some chat
When my now over 16 first had a bf she was 15 he was 14 he messaged what makes you horny she didn't know what it meant and I was about to go to mass when she showed me. I through the phone on the worktop got such a shock that he asked but now I laugh at how innocent she was to show me. She said how will I'll answer this.
Another time he stated asking about bj when I described that she was put off for life.
I don't hear anything now she has a man for a bf both 17 next week.