16 overnight with sister

(8 Posts)
dadof2g Fri 19-Jun-20 15:28:59

I'm a single Dad of 2 girls aged 16 and 12. I won't go in to too many details but 2 months ago both my daughters chose to live with me after an altercation with their mum where the police were called and she was arrested for assault.

They have not seen their mum since but have started to communicate a little via phone. My eldest is very sensible and grounded, she has always had weekend jobs, has lots of friends and is very close with her sister who is also very sensible and they are both good girls who have had a good upbringing. On occasions in the past when me and their mum were together my eldest has stayed at home overnight with a friend.

I have a new partner and we often spend time at each others houses, she has a, 16 year old daughter too so we spend a night at each others house once a week. I will usually go around tea time and return in the morning. My girls can cook, use all of the appliances and are comfortable and happy spending a night without me there. We have family down the road and I'm 10 mins away.

Last night my ex found out I wasn't home and said she was going to turn up with the police and if I wasn't there she would have the police remove my youngest from the house. She also said she would be involving social services and the police.

Me and my partner came home just so the girls were not worried about her turning up and causing a scene at the house while I wasn't there.

I understand there is no law and only recommendations on ages, to leave children on their own and its recommended anyone under 16 shouldn't be left alone overnight and anybody 16 and over shouldn't be left for multiple nights on their own which they are not.

The girls are always left with money, food and their phones and can contact anybody they need to.

I just wanted to get some advise from other parents on this please.

OP’s posts: |
TheHoneyBadger Fri 19-Jun-20 19:28:11

I take it mum didn't actually turn up?

I can't answer anything definitively because as you know there are no absolutely definitive rules. I personally can't imagine police or ss would want to trouble themselves with a sensible 16 year old and 12 year old being left alone for the night with money, phones, food and family nearby. I also can't imagine they'd see mum reporting it as anything other than malicious given the circumstances.

You may get other posters judge your decision but given the circumstances it sounds ok to me and better than forcing kids to stay at partners houses when they've already had lots of upheaval.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Fri 19-Jun-20 19:39:42

I think this is a hard one for internet strangers to call, tbh, because we don't know your kids. But I have to say this doesn't sit right with me. 16yrs old alone overnight, fine. But in charge of a 12yr old? No, i wouldn't be comfortable with that, and at 16 i wouldn't have wanted to do that unless it was an emergency/a one-off. If your children are happy then fine, but my gut reaction would be no, that's not ok.

BadAlice Fri 19-Jun-20 19:42:57

I couldn’t get worked up about it and don’t see why SS would.

divafever99 Fri 19-Jun-20 19:45:49

Not something I would do, especially leaving a 16 year old with the responsibility of a 12 year old. I think I would also be worried about accidents/fire etc, but I am generally a bit of a worrier!

Mabelface Fri 19-Jun-20 20:04:30

I don't see 2 sensible girls being left overnight as an issue. The police wouldn't be interested.

MileyWiley Fri 19-Jun-20 20:07:43

Social Services wouldn't be interested, at best you'd get a phone call to discuss that you had a well thought out emergency plan that your girls both understood. There are no legal guidelines, but the NSPCC does have some downloads on its website that you can print off and complete as a family as your "emergency plan/ rules" for your children whilst they are at home without you.


TeenPlusTwenties Sat 20-Jun-20 07:51:00

tbh I'd be a bit iffy with it. A 16 yo and 12 yo seems a bit young to me.

I'd be OK with a 17 & 13 though.

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