Dd relationship problems

(3 Posts)
Alfiemoon1 Sat 13-Jun-20 21:01:36

I have posted before about dd 18 and my worries about her. Don’t want to drip feed but don’t want my post to be really long she appears to struggle with low self esteem no idea why

She has had in the past arguments with female friends where she has felt excluded which Some of the examples are her being unreasonable but on the whole she has a good friendship group

At 16 she started a part time job and although she claimed to be just friends I know she got into a relationship with her slightly older trainer this period of her life was difficult and she self harmed and had counselling at school this was put to me as stress over exams and hormones obviously the school counsellor didn’t discuss it with me

Fast forward to now she moved away to university had the odd dramas over new friends but generally seemed happy met a lovely lad but she wasn’t interested fine

She has moved back dd talks ridiculously loud when she has her earphones and her room is next to mine in. the trainer has been back in contact it appears dd cheated on him and he seems to despite not seeing each and it being over 2 years ago is almost punishing her. Lots of talk from dd how she will never forgive herself and never love anyone else but has to accept just being friends he has now got bored and blocked her

Next one which again she mentioned chatting to as a friend but the conversation within days were that she was in love that fizzled out

Now to the latest again started chatting online she again has said just friends but this time is hinting at more my initial concern was he is transgender so physically still a girl but she has seemed so happy the last 2 weeks so great until this morning I walked into her room to check she was up for work and saw her self harm. She doesn’t know I saw her and tbh I didn’t mention it as it was tiny and she was about to go to work I will try and talk to her tonight

This is where I will get flamed and I feel terrible I read the last few pages of her diary to try and figure out what is going on. It implied all going well he’s amazing she’s so in love but needs to balance seeing her friends until today where she writes they argue everyday he makes her feel bad about herself then gets her to go round to resolve things and then treats her like a princess she admits he’s controlling and manipulative but not in the same way as trainer guy. Then she says she knows she could never break up with him so self harming is the only way

Help how to I try and help her when she won’t open up to me and make her see this isn’t right I don’t want to admit to reading the small amount of her diary as I don’t want her to lose that as an outlet
I thought it was odd last night she pulled up from work then drove off again but she said she went back to work as her friend was on a break then came back showered and said she was off out with friends- they park there cars in a line at a car park to social distance but 2 of them drove past I thought she may have ditched them to see her bf but am now concerned he is stopping her seeing her friends when I asked her and said it was odd she said she was with another friend and her phone had died so they drove past she has a charger in her car

What do I do or say I can’t stop her seeing him she’s 18

OP’s posts: |
queenoftheknight Mon 15-Jun-20 16:30:53

I suppose the only thing you can do is encourage her to seek therapy of some kind. It could be that earlier issues were not resolved.

Alfiemoon1 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:51:27

It all went tits up she over heard me talking to dh screamed at me so found out I had read the one page in her diary wouldn’t let me explain how worried I was hearing her crying in the night fears over her self harming again I ended up having a mini breakdown just sat and sobbed couldn’t speak she’s gone to stay at my sisters who I have a strained relationship with for many reasons yet dd seems to be able to be open with her and confide in her

We have been treading on eggshells since she came home bent over backwards for her nothing ever seems right or good enough I am in the wrong no matter what I say or do she won’t be allowed to get away with most of her behaviours at my sisters maybe that’s where I went wrong being to soft

I hope she does seek help but I doubt it ironically she’s studying psychology at university

OP’s posts: |

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