Help Dd 14 wants to commit Suicide..possibly tonight

[Diamondt]

Please help.
My dd has been self harming since Nov. It’s getting worse, more frequent and this morning I had a call from the school saying she nearly committed suicide last night and her cuts are a little deeper than normal. I am petrified about tonight ! I don’t know what to do.
Background ...
I’m a single mum and it’s just the 2 of us here. She has said it’s to do with sch, friendships, hormones and home (the home part is us arguing, nothing big just tidy your room, no you can’t go out etc. Also I am epileptic, I don’t have full seizures often but do have vacants and auras too)
She sees a mentor at school and talks to her and the safeguarding school lady dd speaks to daily. Dd doesn’t talk to me but is honest and talks to her. Tells her when she cuts etc. We have just started to see a lady from EWMHS (Monday)
She writes feelings letters ( I don’t know what she does with them) but I found a Feeling diary she’s been keeping this past week, it was in her sch blazer.
This is the last entries ..
“17/3/20 went home from sch with bad period cramps, don’t know what to do felt really down so friend came over.
11.30pm felt suicidal again, started planning an overdose, nearly Swallowed A blade and well wrote some suicide notes but ripped them up and burned them.
12pm went to sleep
18/3/20 9.24am felt down and just wanna stay in this room by myself (she was in a room with the safeguarding lady at sch all day)
Don’t want to feel like this anymore: every night I feel suicidal I don’t know why anymore. Anything good turns bad and anything bad turns worse. Still feel like a complete coward cus well I’m still alive ain’t I.“

I’m petrified!!
She’s on the phone to her friend atm. I have been up a few times and said when she comes off the phone I have some good news to tell her so come see me when your off the phone but she’s still on the phone !
I feel sooooooo sick, so lost, so helpless !!! I can’t keep going up but at the same time I have to. ESP with that last entry.
last night she came and sat with me and showed me lots of ticktocks she’s done and we ended up watching other people’s, was watching for 1.5hrs in the end. She then said she was tired and was going to go to bed. This was at 11pm. As you can see from the entry above after she went up she cut, wrote notes and went to do it !!

What should I do? What can I do? Do I stay up all night?? (I have no work tomorrow so could sleep when she goes to sch I guess)
All pills are hidden and yes she has no idea where they are I’m positive. I’ll be taking the knifes/scissors to bed with me too. About to lock the cleaning products in the shed, nowhere else lockable.
She’s getting annoyed with me going in her room (which I understand), she might be staying on the phone till she goes to sleep as I’ve caught her doing this a few times, her and her friend fall asleep on the phone together.
I’ve tried to call the EWMHS out of hours crisis line twice but it just rings and I Eventually get cut off.
Sorry about the essay. Xx

[FuckWhenDidIGetOld]

Call 999. They can advse you. Here in Wales we have a dedicated menral health team to speak to. Good luck.

[FuckWhenDidIGetOld]

Sorry that abrupt. My typing is appalling tonight!

I think she needs immediate help. It's a scary situation that I have experience of so I totally empathise with you

Sending strength to you tonight

[HollowTalk]

What a horrible situation for you both.

Could you encourage her to think of a brighter future? Make plans for the short term, middle term and long term?

What are her interests?

[MrsGrindah]

I’m so desperately sorry for you and you must be terrified but I really don’t think you should share content from your daughters private diary on here. Can you distract her tonight until you get help tomorrow..invite her to stay and watch films with you? Would she do that?

[TheoriginalLEM]

You have to call 999 if you believe she is in serious danger.

[MrsPMT]

Young Minds website has really good advice, they have a text service for teens. Don't know what else to advise, if she'll talk to you then reassurance that things can improve even just on a daily basis, people can feel crap one day then wake the next feeling better (even with depression). Take one day at a time. Maybe look up some techniques for distraction when she feels like self-harming, listen to music, exercise. Hope things improve

[Ozziewozzie]

Call 999. The emergency mental health team may well section her as she’s a risk to herself.
At least then she’d get meds sorted and some deep therapy to support her.
I really feel for you. I’ve not been in your situation before so I’d go all guns blazing. The thought of her harming herself. Could you sleep with her tonight?

[JackiFazaki]

999 now. I'm so sorry to read what you are both going through.

Yes, also to help from Young Minds, lean on them for support.
youngminds.org.uk/contact-us/

[SodaSodaBanana]

Sounds like medication could help, but it takes a while to kick in. But you both need help. Agree, call 999 and see if a crisis team can see her, they might be able to medicate in the interim and then help with more long term support.

I’ve said before on here I had awful hormonal swings as a teen and adult, it’s easy to dismiss it as teen hormones or depression, could it be PMDD? I totally sympathise with anyone going through it and it must be awful for you to see her like this.

[rjebgf]

How terrifying. If you can of access any help, could you put her in bed with you?

[Diamondt]

Thank you everyone.

Mrsgrindah I wouldn’t normally share anything but I thought it would be the quickest way to let you know how she’s feeling and if there was anyone else on here that has written passages like this or parents on here who have had their own children write like this. I’m not going to be sharing all her notes I’m just scared and petrified.

She’s still on the phone. Ive just tried talking to her. She muted the call & I was honest with her and said I’m worried about her tonight because of how she felt last night. She then unmuted the call & I’ve just sat by her bed with her while she’s been on the phone. She seemed ok letting me sit there, she didn’t tell me to leave.
I’ve come down now to get food as I’ve not even eaten dinner yet. I’m going to eat some crisps and go back up and sit with her. Maybe sit on my tablet until she goes to sleep and stay in her room all night if she lets me.
It felt like she wanted me to stay.
She said she won’t and is talking about school tomorrow, she even looked up her classes for tomorrow and seemed positive. She’s refusing to go to the meeting tomorrow. She just wants to talk to the lady at school. She said “I compromised with you to see the lady again for a follow up apt but I’m not going tomorrow” I said that this is the follow up it’s just been moved to tomorrow because of how she felt last night but she‘s refusing to go tomorrow still. I think I will have to cancel the meeting and just let her speak to the sch lady, maybe have the follow up apt nxt week if she’s speaking like that.

I’ve tried positive future speaking but last night was out of the blue and extreme.

If she gets worse, changes mood etc I will call 999 but atm she seems ok to be speaking with her friend till she sleeps. Maybe she’s realised that’s not the answer after speaking to EWMHS on the phone today and the sch lady. She’s promised to speak to her tomorrow.
As said I will go sit with her in a minute aster I’ve eaten. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor in her room tonight, I dont think she will share the bed. Crisis line is not answering .

[Diamondt]

Fuckwhendidigetold I didn’t read it as abrupt x

[scotsllb]

I'm so sorry your dealing with this. My son is 13 and I've been through the same but nowhere near as bad as this so I can only imagine how you are feeling.
I've no advice but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your daughter and hope that she get the help she needs.
I agree with 999 and possibly section for some proper help xxx

[BecauseReasons]

Don't leave her alone. Sleep in her room tonight.

[Diamondt]

I’ve just gone back up and she’s kicked me out. I should never have come out. I had to though as had to have medicine and a snack as not eaten all day, would have caused a seizure. I’ll leave it 15 minutes and go back in.
“I don’t need someone watching me sleep” I explained I wouldnt be, I would just be in there for her so she doesn’t feel alone and would be on my iPad on the floor. I tried to kiss her on the check saying good night but she was moody with me and wanted me gone. I didn’t want to make an argument. As said I will go back up in a few minutes.
Doubt I’ll get any sleep but yes will be in there.

[Diamondt]

Slept in her room last night. She was pee’d off this morning when she woke up thigh. I told her that she had had a nightmare and called me in and wanted me to stay. (She has done that in the past but I’ve normally left once she’s asleep)
Not long woken up and I’m worried about tonight already 😞
Will be talking to the crisis teams today, hopefully they will answer today.

[BecauseReasons]

Oh well, better her angry than self-harming. Things are generally easier to deal with in the cold light of day. I hope you get something in place today.

[Diamondt]

Yes definitely.
Yes will be on and off the phone/emails all day.
I have offered to let her best friend sleepover tonight if she wants, something to look forward to maybe

[MrsPMT]

Thats a good idea, is her friend sensible and supportive? Would just advise to tell her she can talk to you if she needs to, no feelings are "wrong" feelings, try to be accepting.

[Diamondt]

Yes I didn’t give her an option to who I just said do you want x to sleep over tonight..The girl is her best friend who knows what’s happening, well apart from the last few days I don’t know If she knows, but she knows most of everything else. She is v supportive too.
They are upstairs chilling, she seems happy.

[FuckWhenDidIGetOld]

How are things now Diamond?

Do you have some RL support for yourself? It's very easy to put our children first and forget about ourselves x

[Diamondt]

Hi @FuckWhenDidIGetOld
She seems ok, but I have no idea really. She had a friend stay over last night. We have an appointment with EWMHS on Monday and she’s promised to go to it with me. I told her I won’t be in the appointment with her until the end as it’s her appointment.
A little bit, I have my dad & EWMHS said I can call the crisis numbers to talk to people. They have emailed me lots of information with links so working through that reading as much as I can each day.
Because that schools are closed from today she’s asked for 1 more sleepover before the lock down and I have said yes.
I’m really worried about her not being at school as the child welfare lady at school is someone she talks to and she tells her when she’s self harmed and they check her cuts. She won’t have that now. I’m going to have to have a talk with her and say I know you don’t want to tell me when you have self harmed but as your not at school I will have to check your cuts to make sure they are clean and there’s not infections. She’s always refused to show me. I’m going to ask the EWMHS lady to say to her too as it can’t be left.
The EWMHS lady did say to me she was going to txt dd her number for if she wants to talk but dd has only seen her once and the lady doesn’t work every day. I’ve been told by the initial phone call from EWMHS that dd has tried using kooth, you can txt and call them.

[MrsCVorFluWhoKnows]

The child welfare person she sees at school might be able to continue to be in touch, just not physically. Schools are still having to support students even though closed so it would be a good idea if you can ask about that.

Remember to be very gentle and say you will not judge her actions if she allows you to see her cuts, my way is to say I feel sad that DS wants to hurt himself and wish I could help. (DS recently started to self-harm, although not severe, and I have personal experience of feeling that way too as a teenager and young adult).

[Diamondt]

@MrsCVorFluWhoKnows
I’m so sorry you felt like this when you was younger xx I’m sorry that your ds has started selfharming too. Sending you hugs xx

Yes I spoke to the lady at school and told her my concerns. She said she has given dd her email address for dd to contact her as she will still be working (sch is mainly closed but open to children whose parents are key workers etc) and when possible could maybe speak to her on the phone. So that’s helped ease my mind that she’s not going to be completely cut off from her. Especially as the sch has closed so sudden. She also told me dd has been txting with the EWMHS lady too which is excellent as I didn’t think she would as we have only seen her once a few days ago.

Earlier I spoke to dd’s friend as she came down before dd did. It was very lightly without really saying anything apart from is dd ok. She said dd didn’t think I cared but after me sleeping on her floor the other night in her room realises that I do care. I’m so glad that she now sees that I do and it’s not been just words from a script as such. As they say actions speak louder than words.

Yes I will be very gentle when I speak to her. My dad thinks I should be blunt and to the point with her but I don’t think that would help at all! She needs support and not a telling off. I will be soft and supportive and Let her know I’m not going to force her to speak to me. She knows I speak to the lady at sch so I was thinking of saying I know she is still able to contact her and that I support that but also let her know that I am her if she wants to talk or just a hug or just chill together without talking. Like we did the other day, just chilled watching tictocks together. We didn’t talk but I knew she didn’t want to be alone so just sat with her and watched them.

It’s been such a weight lifted knowing she still has her support network around her that she relies on. Knowing she knows she’s not cut off will really help her I think. It’s not the same as It has been as will be mainly via email/txt but that they are still there for her.

[Diamondt]

Oh lovely just after saying all of that she’s just come down asking if the school spoke to me as they have told her she is allowed to go to sch if she wants to. I’ve said no to the sch as we need to self isolate as we are both in the vulnerable category. So now she is pee’d of and having a go at me.... sorry that I want to see my friends, sorry that I want to see the only person I can talk to about things.. all said rude and sarcastically. I said she has her email address etc so can still contact her but she repeated to me that I’m horrible and stopping her from her only support that she has.
10 minutes ago we were 1 step forward ... now it seems we are 1000 steps backwards.
She will be really ill if she catches c19 and I will be in hospital if I catch it. We have to stay in, have no choice. But she’s not listening or understanding it.

Thankfully her friend is here so hopefully she wont hurt herself tonight.