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How to cheer heartbroken DS 18 up?(9 Posts)
DS is in sixth form and recently had a sixth form ball in the weekend. When he came back he seemed happy and said he had a lovely time with his friends.
Today however at school he told me that he is being teased because a girl he has a crush on drunkenly snogged someone else. DS is really upset because he told me he likes her a lot. He is also bothered that he is 18 and has never even kissed a girl or had a gf. He is also now bothered by the fact he is still a virgin.
Is there any way I can cheer him up. I've done the whole 'you are a lovely fella' stuff but he still seems really down.
It’s crap and you just want to scoop them up and fix it but you can’t on this one.
It’s really good that he is talking to you about this.
My eldest Dd is 24 and I took the approach of telling dd to ‘fuck em, their immature twats, don’t rise to it otherwise they will continue’
She was 18 before she started getting interested to the point she was looking to actively engage with boys. She was always the girl that tagged on. She’s only ever had two boyfriends and the second one she is still in contact with as they may pick up down the line some where.
My brother how ever was always a bit of a loner and struggled with girls romantic. He isn’t bad looking but he is very introverted and any spare time he has he spends it sitting on his computer. He never really ‘put himself out there’ so to speak. So he is a 36 year old who’s never really had a proper girlfriend.
Does he go out with friends? Is he in any clubs? Does he try and engage in girls?
I think it’s actually more harder for boys if they are introverted to meet girls as girls naturally expect the boys to reach out first.
DS does have a group of guy friends who he is very close with. They meet up on the weekends occasionally. However he tells me his friends are quite introverted so he does not socialise as much as he would like. DS is not in any clubs, perhaps I should suggest he join one.
At school he tells me he jokes around with his friends and has a laugh. DS does have friends who are girls and he tells me that he is nice and polite to them and also does joke around with them as well.
He has tried to 'engage' in girls. He asked his crush out when he was 17, she politely declined but they still remained friends. He didn't seem too upset about that. But now, after being teased that she 'got off' with someone else, he's been feeling down.
He has told me that he feel quite shy around girls in party/social settings especially when they are dressed up.
I was your ds. It's shit but there you go, just hold his hand (figuratively).
I wish I'd had more female friends so they didn't seem like an alien species, also I was a fat speccy which didn't help!
How have things turned out for you now?
DS is also trying to distract himself, but the negative thoughts are still going through his head.
I'm grown up with 2 ace kids and a lovely wife. She was similarly shy as I was as a kid but we met at uni (both virgins til 21) became friends and that was that.
I was super down about it at times, felt very lonely and considered all sorts of bad ideas (prostitute, moving country, self harm) which I'm so happy I never acted on.
Our relationship is strong in part because we learned all about everything together and never need to compare or worry. It's great.
Thanks for telling me this. DS does feel very lonely and wonders why he has had no success with girls. As it may be obvious he isn't the laddish/flirtatious type.
The teasing he received today, triggered a wave of negative thoughts.
I’m 20 so not much older than your DS and to be fair there’s a massive lack of boys who don’t want to shag the first girl he meets and actually wants to wait!! They’re like unicorns they’re that rare. His future girlfriend will be happy he waited and didn’t rush out and do the deed with any old girl. He should be proud that he’s not done that. My boy-friends all had chlamydia at once (6 from the same girl) and it took their mum of the group (me) to march them to the clinic to get checked. You and he should be glad he’s not like that
Thanks for your kind comment. DS is a bit worried that he'll never get a gf. He has had crushes before but he's upset that they don't lead anywhere. And after getting teased today he's just feeling worse. These boys were laughing at DS and rubbing it in.
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