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Daughter hates me, sorry need to rant(7 Posts)
It's been a tough few weeks. 15yr old dd has anxiety and has recently started then stopped smoking so mood swings were expected. We were on hols last week and she was ok some parts but some episodes of absolute vileness that impacted on us all.
This week back to school and it's been pretty much the same. She's deliberately late, doesn't do her homework and doesnt care!! Thurs morning I took her to school and she was sobbing saying her anxiety was so bad and begging for me not to make her go. I ended up driving back home and she went in later when she calmed down.
Yesterday she did the same. Was ok until arriving at school then turned on the tears and said she can't go in. The head was there and saw her and took her in. School are fantastic with her. All pastoral staff know her well and there is several calm places she can work out of lessons. I was in contact with head of year and she said she was ok and working alone.
After school dd would not speak to me and last night exploded saying how awful I was to force her to go to school etc etc and that I dont give a shit about her mental health.
Of course I naturally feel guilty but at the same time I can't see how letting her stay off school everytime she is upset can work? She is Yr 11 and has mocks next week. School obviously want her there and look after her best they can. For the record she's had counselling, camhs several times and nothing helps.
Did I deal with it wrong? What would other parents do? You can be honest!
I also have a 15 DD with anxiety, smokes (trying everything I can to get her stop including giving no money), sometimes refuse to go to school as her anxiety is bad, when at school constantly at pastoral so missing a lot of lessons (I’d say 2 a day) attitude with me, hates rules, she’s in year 10. Twists everything I say and do, so she is the victim. I give and show her love but nothing in return unless she wants something. Today I bought her some clothes as going to Germany trip with my mum for a weekend. I get no thanks and asks for more money to go makeup shopping and has no stormed out of house. I also needed to rant. No advise but know that your not alone! X
What support does she have? I’m the mental health lead for my school and we would have been recommending you self refer to Camhs and for her to use some online counselling/wellbeing apps in the interim
My step daughter is having similar problems with a highly intelligent 15 yr old who has just fallen for the schools most charismatic and intelligent bad boy...all out warfare .
I hold back from reminding my step daughter that when she was fifteen she had been down that road and worse for three years ...try and pick your battles and hang in there ..this too shall pass .
That sounds exhausting for both or you. FWIW my DS was difficult as a teenager and year 11 was a nightmare for all of us. I think you did the right thing and deep down she knows it too, as PP have said this too shall pass, it might get worse before it gets better but you will get through it.
I just think there is so much pressure on youngsters now during yr 11 and its a difficult age anyway, even the most level headed child and the closest family struggle with it.
What does she think is making her anxious?
No advice as such - just bags of empathy.
Why don't you pop into Thread Four - Holding onto the rope (sorry pasting links is not my thing!) Loads of people in the same boat and loads of great advice on previous threads.
FWIW she doesn't really hate you but you are the one target she can (hopefully) rely on to stick by her no matter what.