Oh the shame - 14yo DD's act of rebellion at school

(124 Posts)
thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 18:18:49

Just looking for some friendly words!

DD is really well behaved normally, a good pupil etc, no behaviour points, always positive parent evenings & reports.

She'd been telling me recently that there's a teacher who doesn't like her and has been telling her off for a couple of things, nothing major (talking when not supposed to be) and one thing she was innocent of AND now, she's taken complete leave of her senses and left used chewing gum on this teachers chair on Friday shock

Three kids told the teacher and they have come down on her like a ton of bricks. I'm going to get a dry cleaning bill.

People in RL i've told have laughed about it, but I feel so upset for her as this means her card will be marked now.

She's promised never to do anything like that again, we've talked about how bad 'taking revenge' is, how this teacher would have felt and I've told her to just keep her head down from now on sad

We've had a lot going on at home, her father was abusive and we don't see him anymore, but she's always seemed fine and on the whole is a great kid who I'm proud of usually.

Just feel sad for her now - don't know what she can expect on Monday.


OP’s posts: |
FishCanFly Mon 17-Feb-20 19:25:17

I laughed too grin But if you want to punish her, make her pay the cleaning bill from her own pocket money.

GreenTulips Mon 17-Feb-20 19:27:56

Stop making excuses. She chose to do that. So she has to accept the consequences.

A few beguile points on her card sis hardly going to wreck her career choices.

Make her write a letter of apology along with a box of chocs.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes Mon 17-Feb-20 19:35:44

That is pretty naughty - I’d be shocked if my dd14 did that tbh. I went to a fairly rough high school and neither myself or my friends would’ve dared do anything like that! I’d be really annoyed if I was that teacher.

thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 19:36:03

She's already written an apology letter.....in the isolation unit! confused

I'm not making excuses, I know she absolutely chose to do that, I'm just pondering what possessed her to go and do something like that when she knows there would be consequences.

Daft girl!!

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GreenTulips Mon 17-Feb-20 19:40:02

Somethings are worth the satisfaction - and the consequences!!

She has some nerve.

Notso Mon 17-Feb-20 19:40:24

I'm not making excuses, I know she absolutely chose to do that, I'm just pondering what possessed her to go and do something like that when she knows there would be consequences.

She's a teenager, they aren't known for behaving rationally.
I'm sure it will be fine. It was a blob of chewing gum which is surely a hazard of working in a secondary school anyway.
Make sure she pays the dry cleaning bill and is extra well behaved in future and that should be an end to it.


AuditAngel Mon 17-Feb-20 19:43:38

I would suggest another apology letter, written at home, so not forced by the school, as long as she means it.

thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 19:44:25

Thanks everyone! I already feel better

Yes I guess she does have some nerve haha - but I've said to her, don't you EVER do anything like that again, what were you thinking!!!

OP’s posts: |
thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 19:45:58

Yes - a card or another letter and possibly some chocolates a good idea flowers

OP’s posts: |
TheVanguardSix Mon 17-Feb-20 19:49:29

Mistakes are great teachers and all of that.
She won't do it again, OP. smile
It could have been worse. When DS was 15, his friend hid a Bluetooth speaker in a classroom cupboard and as the teacher strolled in, the pupil played Thomas the 'Dank' Engine/ Biggie Smalls.

thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 19:52:34

oh god! grin

Teachers don't earn enough!! Especially in secondary school confused

OP’s posts: |
theuntameableshrew Mon 17-Feb-20 20:00:37

I’m guessing she was quite upset by being told off for something she didn’t do, nobody likes being wrongly accused after all and as a child you often don’t get the opportunity to clear your name in those sorts of circumstances. So she acted impulsively as teenagers are wont to do. Whilst I get she’s not behaved well I would want to talk to the teacher about the fact she has been feeling disliked by her for some time and see if there’s a way of ensuring both your daughter and the teacher harbour no bad feelings towards each other going forwards

PickwickThePlockingDodo Mon 17-Feb-20 20:00:56


As a one off I wouldn't worry about it and as fish says make her pay for the dry cleaning bill.

Papiermachecat Mon 17-Feb-20 20:04:27

Dont worry too much about it. Unless it's very small secondary or private I wouldn't worry about paying dry cleaning bill. You're making too much of it.
She's a child, this is what children do. It's in all the cartoons and cbbc dramas, this sort of thing.
I very much doubt that the teacher was picking on her but anyway she's been punished. Isolation is pretty bad and I would now drop it.
Stop beating yourself up about it. And forgive her. It's really no big deal. Most 'naughty' (old fashioned word but this is hardly disruption) kids are from very privileged backgrounds.

thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 20:15:00

Yes agreed - it was her head of year who called me and said I’ll be getting a dry cleaning bill!

I will stop beating myself up, thank you flowers

Untameableshrew - that’s what I was thinking - not wanting to veer into making excuses again, but something sparked this. I remember being unliked by a teacher and scapegoated a bit, sometimes fairly sometimes not. It isn’t nice. I didn’t take revenge though! Thankfully this teacher doesn’t teach her and isn’t her form tutor so hopefully she can work at keeping out of her way as best she can.

It’s a big state school.

OP’s posts: |
Wowzel Mon 17-Feb-20 20:25:49

That is absolutely revolting. Used chewing gum is just grim.

I put upside down drawing pins on the teachers chair when I was your DD's age, which then spiked the teacher. Not sure I was much better tbh!

Wolfiefan Mon 17-Feb-20 20:28:53

If it seems out of character I wonder if she was encouraged to do it by “friends”?
I’m not for a second saying that makes it all ok! But worth a chat to see if so and talk about peer pressure?

Flaskfan Mon 17-Feb-20 20:36:43

I think knowing that a kid had deliberately done that to me would make me feel pretty shit, tbh. Drawing pins ok, but it's the thought that it's been in someone's mouth and now sticking to my clothes. It's like spitting.envy And it's fucking horrible.

thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Feb-20 20:45:57

She possibly didn’t have any drawing pins to hand...

OP’s posts: |
Wolfiefan Mon 17-Feb-20 20:52:31

How is a drawing pin ok?
FFS and we wonder why teachers are leaving the profession in droves??

BlueJava Mon 17-Feb-20 20:53:33

If that's the worst thing she's done so far then you're not doing so badly! Personally I'd make her pay some/all of the cleaning bill from her pocket money, and obviously tell her off. Underneath I'd be laughing.

teachandsleep Mon 17-Feb-20 20:55:31

This isn't on! By all means be rebellious but that teacher now has chewing gum on her clothes!! It's disgusting. At the end of the day the teacher is only doing her job!!!!!!

nachthexe Mon 17-Feb-20 20:56:43

Drawing pins were all the rage back in the dark ages when I was at school. No one (pupil or teacher) would ever sit down without checking the seat first. And that was early 80s. My brief stints in secondary classrooms since then have persuaded me that nothing has changed, and that university seminars are much safer.
But eep. Silly girl.

Veterinari Mon 17-Feb-20 20:56:49

She doesn't yet have a functioning frontal cortex so is subject to impulsivity and unable to properly evaluate consequences.

If this is the worst thing she's done, she's alright.
Don't beat yourself up

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