18 DS smoking cannabis. And I have a 6 DD in the house.. Help please!

[dogfamily1]

I am currently having a issue with my 18 year old DS smoking cannabis. He doesn’t have a job, And is the missing a lot of college. I know there’s not a lot I can do to stop him with him being 18, thought he dose live as home with me and I pay for his travel to collage and phone bill.

My big concern is what to do because I have a 6 year old DD in the house, he’s normally baby sits a couple of times a month while I’m at work. I no longer feel its ok For him to babysit knowing that he now has a cannabis addiction. I’m also going through divorce proceeds and I’m concerned that if this is found out what effect it will have with regards to my ex-husband and our DD.
Advice would be much appreciated!

[lazylinguist]

Stop paying for his phone bill and tell him that if he doesn't sort himself out and start attending college he will have to find a job and his own accommodation.

[ladynyland]

Same problem in our house. But with DD's. We have banned it from the house but you can still smell it, and it's stronger than when we were young. My eldest two have come out of the other side but thats is because they had jobs and a distraction. Also drug tests in the work place. Both my eldest say they feel better for knocking it on the head. My youngest smokes and it effects her personality badly.
I have in the past hidden it, confronted her with it, thrown it out, thrown her out. Nothing works. The worry is if you stop providing them with small amounts of money they will get money one way or another.
I do hope that he come out the other side. A job might be the answer. Forget college for now.

[BritneyPeedOnALadybug]

Are you paying for him to babysit? If he has no job or any type of income, how is he paying for his smokes? I can’t imagine that babysitting a couple of times a month and potentially getting paid for doing that is enough money to feed an actual cannabis addiction.

I would stop paying his phone bill for a start. When I smoked I could spend over £100 every month and that was me working a full time job and smoking only when I got home of an evening, not in the morning or during work. That is more than enough for him to pay a monthly phone bill.

[pasanda]

Gosh I read that as you also had 6 DD's and I almost fainted at the thought of that!!!

[dogfamily1]

Thank you for your help, still don’t know what to do, but something will give

[GardenOctupos]

I think its very difficult OP, but as you say something will give. Sometimes things work themselves out, sometimes the parent has to take the initiative. I don't think there is a "magic answer" IMO, and it all depends on the parent, the teen and the circumstances generally.

However, I do believe if you don't want dope in your house or your teenager living this lifestyle (no job, no college) whilst at home with you, and it is affecting you or the rest of your family negatively, you have a perfect right to ask him to leave at 18. He can then lie in bed all day smoking if that is what he chooses to do. Perhaps a couple of warnings, perhaps a bit of time to change (6 months)? I know of a teen who turned things round suddenly after 6 months of living the dope lifestyle - but he had a definite plan to join the armed forces and they will not apparently take recruits without drug testing first.

Wishing you luck.

[mencken]

he's 18. Remove all non-essentials including the phone. He gets them back if the drug use stops. If the drug use does not stop then, brutally, chuck out.

MN doesn't like the idea but he is almost certainly dealing, and he is supporting county lines, cuckooing, knife crime and gang violence by his drug use. You cannot risk your daughter being exposed to the dealing, let alone the drug taking.

one chance and then out. Let him find his own rock bottom.

having had to clear up after a case of cuckooing I have no sympathy at all for druggies.

[GardenOctupos]

what’s cuckooing, if you don’t mind explaining menckden?

[mencken]

it is when drug dealers/users move in with a vulnerable person. Sometimes they charm their way in, sometimes with violence, sometimes by giving the person drugs. They can then use the house as a drug den and the police can do almost nothing as the victim isn't a reliable witness, being either too intimidated or too drugged.

hell for the neighbours with all the noise, disturbance, mess and violence, hell for the landlord who will get a trashed property with no income and hell for the victim. Only remedy is to evict the victim at which point the dealers go on to the next one.

anyone who uses illegal drugs DIRECTLY supports this.

[LynetteScavo]

@mencken - why do you say he's almost certainly dealing?

I know several teens like this, and I'm pretty sure none of them are dealing.

I think the first thing you do is get childcare for when you're working. Don't trust your DS with your DD, and don't give him any cash. Buy any clothes etc he needs for him.

I would tell him he gets himself to college or the phone is gone. It's worth retaining some sort of carrot to dangle. Also tell him if he's going to do drugs it's not in your house EVER. You're going to need to be really firm about this, because he will push it.

[mencken]

somebody is selling the stuff...

All druggies support these horrible crimes by their purchases, so they are all scum. I wish the stuff was more toxic.

you'll agree if you ever see the results. It is not an experience or knowledge that I wanted, believe me.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

Years ago, DH kicked DSS1 out after his weed addiction led to him emptying DH's bank account, selling his army discharge papers and other ID, and his wedding ring from his first marriage. DSS1 then sofa surfed for a long time, came back to live with us for a bit but stole from DS's money box, and was asked to leave again. He is currently living in what is little more than a squat. His own mother won't have him at home, his brothers don't want anything to do with him, and he's still addicted to the weed. I actually feel sorry for him that his life is so narrow - he's never worked, always been skint, had his kids taken off him as babies - he is actually a lovely lad, just in the depths of an addiction that stops him from doing anything positive and has obliterated his motivation.

[LynetteScavo]

Obviously somebody is selling it. It's not hard to find out who, and it's readily available around here. Just because one 18yo is using, doesn't mean he's dealing.

[mencken]

no, but he still supports scum by the very purchase of the stuff.