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The sound of much wailing, teeth gnashing and breast beating is contained in this thread. Beware all who enter.

(4 Posts)
rantinghousewife Fri 31-Aug-07 19:59:48

Just got to sound off. Ds will be 14 in a couple of weeks, now for most of his life his fuckwit dad, has practically ignored his existence. It's been 11 years since we split, we're both remarried with other children. Some years, he's bothered to make the effort 5 times in a year, most years it's been more like twice, this despite the fact he lives less than a five minute drive away. I've been left to pick up the pieces when he can't be bothered. Examples of his sterling behaviour include the year he didn't bother making any arrangements to see ds, told him that if he wanted to see him he could call him, which ds did about 5 times in the one year, he gave up after the fifth excuse of 'sorry son, I'm just too busy' (WTFhmm). This is in complete contrast to his parents, who everytime ds phones them, clear their diaries and make time to be with him, they've been great. Ex phones ds this holiday, first time since March and wants to see him, ds comes back with a huge list of dates to stay over. Now last time ds requested to stay over, they didn't have 'enough space', amazingly despite having two growing children, they've now conjured up enough for him to stay.
I've never slagged him off in front of ds, believing that it would be childish and detrimental to do so, but I am so fucking pissed off that I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up for. Argghhangry.
Why the fuck does this issue drive me to distraction?

RuthChan Sat 01-Sep-07 01:40:02

I not at all surprised that this drives you to distraction!!
It must be really stressful for you personally, but even more upsetting to watch your DS being disappointed time and time again by his own father.
It's wonderful that your ex PIL are so good about seeing your DS. I wonder if they could make your ex realise how distressing his selfish actions are to his DS. Time with his father is so important for a teenager.
Alternatively, are you on good enough terms to contact his new wife? As a mother herself, maybe she would understand your and your DS points of view. (Men are sometimes just blind to the emotional consequences of their own actions)

Looking on the positive side. He has now invited your DS to stay. Maybe this is a new start. Maybe from now on he will make more of an effort...???
Maybe since March they've been busy building an extension and suddenly have far more room?!!!

rantinghousewife Sat 01-Sep-07 11:56:24

Ahh thanks for that Ruthchan, have calmed down quite a bit now. I'd rather not involve his parents, relations between them and his wife are strained anyway and I don't want them to feel judged for their son's behaviour. His wife I don't really have a problem with, I think the only reason he sees him at all is down to her tbh.
He told my bil that they were planning to emigrate to SA but, has never mentioned this to ds. I avoid speaking to him directly, if possible because if I'm out of earshot of ds I tend to let him have it with both barrels iyswim.
If I'm honest with myself, if he emigrated it would be painful in the short run for ds, but easier in the long run. Ah well. Here's hoping!!

RuthChan Mon 03-Sep-07 04:53:34

Glad to hear things are feeling a little easier.
It's funny how mood changes, new days and a good stiff drink can change our outlook, isn't it!! smile

I completely understand why you wouldn't want to involve his parents in this. It's often best not to rock such boats more than is absolutely necessary.

The idea of him emigrating does sound like quite a good one from your point of view. It would be quite a step from his though!!
Here's hoping that he takes the plunge and gets out your hair. At least from that distance he'll have a legitimate reason for not seeing your DS.

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