Sleepovers - am I being irresponsible

[Servalan]

A bit out of familiar territory here as DD(13) doesn't usually go to sleepovers.

A friend of hers that used to go to her school is having a birthday sleepover at her house with DD and another friend of theirs.

The friend moved out of the area a few months ago but is still in touch. I haven't met the friend or the other friend that's going.

I don't drive, so the friend that is also going to the sleepover and her parents are going to pick DD up and take her.

I've not met either of the girls before or any of the parents.

I've had a look at DDs phone and from messages it all looks on the level and they're going swimming and shopping and it looks like they'll have fun.

DD has got the phone numbers of the parents of both girls for me so I can ring them today.

Just feels really counter-intuitive to let my girl be picked up by people I don't know to take her to a house of people I don't know in a town an hour's drive away. It's making me feel a bit twitchy and I don't know whether I'm being wildly irresponsible.

At the same time, I know sleepovers are a big thing for kids this age and I don't know the parents of most of her friends if I'm honest.

I don't have suspicions that things are not on the level - it's just the not knowing the parents and the distance that is making me nervous.

[NC4Now]

I would ask for the host’s parents and give them a quick call. That should reassure you.
You can dress it up with, ‘They seem to have made the arrangements between themselves - I just wanted to check you’re happy with it? Here’s my number...’

[TooManyGlasses]

I think I’d be twitchy too, though my kids are younger than yours so I don’t know what the norm is for 13-year-olds.

It all sounds fine though, objectively, and it’s a good sign that your daughter has given you the parents’ numbers in advance.

Could you try and arrange to meet at least one family beforehand, eg invite them over? Or even just the girls themselves, you could then chat to their parents when they pick them up.

[Servalan]

Sleepover's tomorrow night. I guess when DD gets picked up tomorrow I'll meet whichever parent is picking her up - but was planning to ring both sets of parents tonight with the tone of checking arrangements/they are happy etc - so no other opportunities to meet anyone for a sustained time.

[BackInTime]

I would absolutely contact the host parents just to confirm the arrangements and also so that they have your number.

[othervoicesotherrooms]

Your DD sounds responsible but yes, phone host parents and lift parents to check arrangements.

[Mumdiva99]

We moved over an hour away when I was 13/14 and I had a girl come stay for the weekend who I knew well through school but her parents didn't know my parents. I found the move and change to a new school quite distressing (obvs I didn't want to go as loved my old school) - it was lovely that an old friend made the effort to come.

So talk to the parents and let her go if you are happy after the chat.

[JustDanceAddict]

I’d maybe talk to the host parents, but in secondary you don’t generally know any parents well anyway.

[Servalan]

Thanks for your thoughts, it was really helpful. I've rung both sets of parents and feel better about it now :)