Ds13 ecstasy

(21 Posts)
Vgtasd Sat 14-Dec-19 19:57:05

Please help - Ds13 admitted last night he's been taking mdma, it's not a one off, he said he hasn't taken it in a couple of weeks as he hates the downer, how do I deal with this? I think I've been too soft in general over the years, I should have been stricter.

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TheNinkiestNonk Sun 15-Dec-19 22:21:15

Wow 13 is really young. Sorry you are going through this. Least he has told you though? When and where is he doing this, and with who?

puds11 Sun 15-Dec-19 22:27:31

Shit. That is young! Is it the scene he is part of? What made him decide to tell you? Is it possible he told you so that you would prevent him doing it again?

Tbf I remember the come downs being so bad they put me off all drugs for life!

Vgtasd Mon 16-Dec-19 16:10:58

@puds11 am I doing the right thing keeping him in? I want him to make the choice himself as when he is older I'll have no control?

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TeenPlusTwenties Mon 16-Dec-19 16:15:20

I think you should keep him in as if he carries on taking drugs he might not get to be 'older'.

puds11 Mon 16-Dec-19 16:17:41

I think he wants you to intervene so I would keep him in. Good luck, I hope you can get it sorted. You’re very lucky he told you.

lyingwanker Mon 16-Dec-19 17:19:14

I think I'd hit the absolute roof at 13! This is coming from someone who smoked at 12, drank, smoked weed and had sex at 14 the was out clubbing on MDMA before 16!

My son is 13 and I would ground him for quite some time, take his devices and internet away and would even arrange some extra education around drugs. So like finding lots of facts, news stories and blogs as well as perhaps real life situations.


Vgtasd Mon 16-Dec-19 18:09:30

Thanks @lyingwanker I appreciate your reply. He's twisting it that I'm making his mental health worse by not allowing him out with friends - the same friends who are taking it too. I'm worried sick but feel better knowing he's not out.

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lyingwanker Mon 16-Dec-19 19:54:02

@Vgtasd you are not over reacting at all. If you let him out with his mates now what would he have learnt? He hasn't had time to learn and reflect from this and is far too young to be able to make sensible and balanced decisions yet, I mean he's proven that hasn't he?

Ive just found a pic on my 12 year old daughters phone of her pretending to smoke with what she claims to be just paper rolled up, I've hit the roof and grounded her so that pales in comparison to taking class A drugs!

sijjy Mon 16-Dec-19 20:05:47

If I were
You I would contact FRANK. I. Did this when I found out my 17yr old was regularly smoking weed. They were a great help. They can also talk to your ds. As it's for adults and teenagers.

KaptenKrusty Mon 16-Dec-19 20:16:01

Yikes 13 is young !! I’ve a 13 year old step son (a young 13 - seems like still a child!!) I’d be shocked if he was doing this !

However I do think that a lot of people of drugs like these and you can’t really stop him experimenting when he is older... I’d say this needs to be stopped now while he is so young - you have the power to police it - but if your too harsh you might make him feel like he can’t confide in you! Sounds like you have a good relationship and if something bad did happen him or a friend while they are in drugs that he would feel like he could call you for help!

I’d say teach him that if he is going to do something like mdma - how to be as safe as he can - (don’t do too much, seek help if anyone has a baf reaction, look after friends etc) I think telling them not to simply not do it won’t work - education and how to be safe of key here I think

KaptenKrusty Mon 16-Dec-19 20:17:04

Sorry typos sad

hereiamagain84 Mon 16-Dec-19 20:21:27

That’s very difficult. Has he told you as he was on a downer and needed to tell someone? What time would he usually stay out until? Could he go out for an hour or 2 and then come home again? Not really enough time to “enjoy” taken any drugs?

Vgtasd Mon 16-Dec-19 20:48:06

Thanks so much for all your comments, he was very upset when he told me so possibly on a downer, he's now asking is he allowed to smoke weed if it keeps him off md! It's amazing how much I am doubting myself, I'm scared of losing his trust and him turning away from me but also I'm his mum and I need to keep him safe and have boundaries, don't know how I got up and went to work today.

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ClaireDendie Mon 16-Dec-19 20:58:00

I was smoking weed at 11, at dirty council house raves with dealers and knife carriers at 13, and it royally fucked me up for a couple of years, id be going off the wall if my DCs did the same.

hereiamagain84 Mon 16-Dec-19 21:02:46

Maybe could you see is there anyone locally to anyone regarding it ? I don’t know if self medicating with weed to stay off mdma is the best option? Sorry I don’t have much experience in this area but I would see if I could distract him with something else?

Vgtasd Mon 16-Dec-19 21:05:21

Thanks so much for your honesty @clairedendie if it was your child what would you do?

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Handstands11 Tue 17-Dec-19 16:26:55

???This child is 13 years old, his mother must be able to demonstrate care, control and responsibility for her child. She must provide for his welfare and meet his needs as a loving and responsible parent or she will find that the law will step in and she could lose thise parental rights.

As an educator of secondary school age children, a parent of boys...DS2 an educator himself you must take action. Years ago DS2 did a bit of experimenting himself and grew a couple of plants, fortunately it stayed at that an experiment. He was 16yrs then, but the suicide of one of his friends who did not stop there some 4yrs later has given him deep emotions concerning drug use. His FB account hangs, 14 years later.
There are no half measures here. You have a 13 year old child who is scared, out of his depth, unhappy, confused and worried. You have a situation far more concerning than him sharing spliffs up the recreation ground.
You need to keep him home. You need to carefully coax out of him where he is going, who with and when he gets these drugs. How he is buying them and how he pays for them.
You need to control his access to social media. Take his smartphone and replace the SIM card with a non internet package or give him a basic phone. Set controls on the computer so you can access it and his accounts. Hes barely old enough to use social media! You then need to take him to see counsellors, speak to FRANK who will guide you and put you on a pathway,. You could try the GP, select carefully if its a group practice. Others who could get involved may be his school..who may already be aware that he is going offrail with drugs or behaviour, social services and the police. Since the latter two have powers of intervention, you dont want a situation that they knock your door before you have a chance of sorting this.
He really is on a slippery slope and you must be very proactive, you need to keep the communication door open. Hopefully he has had a fright but the fact that he is asking you to let him out to smoke weed means that he will reconnect with the people he has been running with. You must stand firm and importantly set boundaries. It does sound that you may not have done this. You must get help before the problem worsens. He could get involved with county lines..distribution in return for his drugs, violence, bigger criminals and crime. You need to stand firm, get support and work through this, dont give an inch where drugs are concerned and your child is a little boy. He might think hes streetwise but he is not old enough to understand damage limitation. Zero tolerance. Good luck.

Handstands11 Tue 17-Dec-19 16:57:29

@KaptenKrusty. There is no staying safe where recreational drugs are concerned..not doing too much. Looking out for one another while taking them in case of bad reaction, ( this applies to alcohol too lets be clear) while it all sounds noble. There is only one way of staying safe.

By giving our kids this advice we endorse them taking these substances. Zero tolerance.
Perhaps ..as adults we would endorse what you say is good advice and sound where perfectly legal, 'drink' is concerned. (Taking driving out of the occasion, we should know that although some people blatantly choose to ignore it!).

KaptenKrusty Tue 17-Dec-19 17:11:01

@Handstands11 True - but just telling them "don't do it" won't work - they will do it anyway if they want to - even if you scare them and tell them they might die!

The reason most people die from things like ecstasy is because they take too much - if they had of taken half a pill instead of 3 pills they would still be alive - if there was warnings/info on how to take it in a "safer" way rather than just saying take none at all it might save lives - i'm not condoning it - but we all know telling teenagers simply not to do things doesn't work!

ClaireDendie Tue 17-Dec-19 22:03:51

@Vgtasd if it was my DS, I'd tell him straight how painful and sad overdosing is, it makes you cold sweat, essentially go into a seizure, your shoulders will go heavy, and you'll collapse into a coma or death. Thank god the only time I care close to that people knew what to do.

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