Self harm & depression 13yo DD1

[Clutterista]

Lying awake worrying out of my skull as DD1 started scratching and then cutting herself about 4 weeks ago. We discovered/worked it out pretty quickly which o guess is positive, and if the advice I've read since is anything to go by, had reasonable instincts in the way we've approached it, and she's for a couple of friends she's confused in but I feel so utterly helpless and so desperately sad that she's feeling so awful.

She's autistic so there's ah extra layer of sensitivity to navigate with her, and I'm scared of losing her trust. I need her to be talking and I don't want her to shut down but at the same time I know she's in her room and is scared of her own urges to do herself damage. I don't want to compel her to seek professional help (and she very easily takes against people if they talk down to her or underestimate her so it may not work anyway) but I feel like we're doing nothing and failing to help.

And now we're both going to be knackered in the morning, and it's hard enough to get her to school on a good day.

[Clutterista]

Any responses to this now it's daylight still appreciated.

[BlossomingTulip]

Hi, I am so sorry this is happening to your daughter.
I don't have experience with self harming and depression but may be you could organise a mum and daughter day out ( may be hair and nails or some skating, pottery) to do whatever you enjoy doing together so that you can casually talk about things and try to analyse what is that is troubling her. Spend a full day with her and see.

I hope this helps

[Waterandlemonjuice]

Hi, I’m sorry this is happening. I posted on this thread, there may be something useful there

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/child_adolescent_mental_health/3747330-Help-DD-has-started-self-harming-what-to-do

[57mama]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. When I first found out, I was scared and angry, at her and at myself as she'd been doing it for almost a year with razors I'd bought. I really regret how I reacted - I yanked up her sleeve, and when I saw it I almost immediately made a doctor's appointment. I knew she wouldn't talk to the doctor, and if your DD's the same you should at least talk to her before making any appointments. They did offer DD therapy but I couldn't take her and DH was being funny about it so she only went to 1 session which she hated anyway. If possible, you need to work out any triggers/causes. Sometimes there's nothing you can do about them, but worth a try. There is always a possibility she could be prescribed antidepressants, but very very unlikely as she's only 13. Good luck

[NCTDN]

Have you seen this thread as well? Self harming dd 14 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3755651-Self-harming-dd-14

[Clutterista]

Thanks for the responses. One of the complications is that her younger sister suffers from anxiety (partly around DD1's meltdowns) so juggling their needs, including who gets my time and attention, is quite a challenge. Another positive is that DD1 has outside interests which we're doing our best to keep going, and maintain some normality and predictability, but it does make taking time out with one of them difficult. But yes we're already trying to do "more mum time" thing (though the hair/nails thing made me chuckle - it would be a great idea for some people but can just imagine DD's face if I suggested it - we're more a stomping through the woods or bonding over political satire kinda pair).

I actually spent a fair amount of time yesterday talking to various orgs to just gather as much advice and info as possible. Just have to try to coax DD to use resources available now. She doesn't want to talk to me about anything more than superficial details. At least she's talking to me a bit. And I've told her I need to tell school and she didn't put up a fight. Though I'm still concerned it'll set a series of safeguarding protocols in place that won't be appropriate, so I'm going to have to pick my words very carefully.

Doesn't stop me worrying about escalation but at least action feels better than stasis.