Hi, my daughter is 14 she has been seeing a lad from school for about 6 weeks. He has always been polite and funny with us and seems to really enjoy spending time with our family. This past week has been very difficult for her. A girl has been spreading a rumour that she has also been seeing him, one of her friends told my daughter she saw them kissing. My daughter fell to pieces. He got into a stupid fight at school with the girls brother and has completely denied the whole thing. My daughter arranged to meet him on Thursday night to get to the bottom of it and had decided if she still wasn't happy she was going to break up with him. I went to get some shopping while they had a walk and she called me an hour later and said could I take him home as it was raining. He asked to speak to me on the way home and got upset and said he would never cheat on my daughter. She now says she believes him. I was smiling and trying to support my daughter while actually wanting to sit him down in front of a bright light and interrogate him.
She invited him to come to her sporting activity yesterday with us. It's a distance away and meant him spending about 4 hours with me on our own. I think we were both dreading it.
Anyway after about an hour or so we were just chatting and he started to open up to me. He has a very difficult home life. He has been physically and sexually abused by people he should've been able to trust, he has no memories before the age of 9. He has been told that his mum has an illness that could mean she would die early. He started to self harm at 12 (although assured me he had stopped) he isn't allowed to go to the gym as he over trains, he has an eating disorder and he showed me marks on his arms where someone had extinguished cigarettes on him. He said school know and he can escape classes if he needs to and is getting support for anger issues. He said he is terrified in crowds of people and never goes out unless it's with his mum or my daughter. He begged me not to share any of this with her. I still don't know if he cheated or not but now think that's the least of our worries.
I told my husband last night and he thinks I should speak to school. I'm not sure how they can help if he is already getting support. I do t want to come across as a gossip or cause any further problems between the pair of them. Everything stopped 4 years ago he said and it's just him and mum now. My daughter has her own issues through being adopted and I think she might be out of her depth here. My husband is scared I will decide to adopt him too. I'm a wee bit worried that after yesterday I may already be there. I'm a bit worried though that he will adopt me and my daughter and him will stay together even if things aren't working out.
Can anyone give me any advice on what they would do here. At the moment the pair of them seem all loved up but they are only 14 and things can change very quickly at this age.
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Worried about daughters boyfriend
22 replies
Vazzy · 10/11/2019 23:11
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