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Aggressive DS17(8 Posts)
My DS 17 (18 in December) is becoming increasingly aggressive and I'm at my wits end.
I had to call the police last night as he was being awful and threatening to hit me. Not the first time it's happened and his behaviour is escalating.
DD 15 is scared of him, as am I.
Police were great and had a chat with him. He also stole £100 in cash from my purse.
He works as an apprentice on a very low wage.
I can't live like this and can't subject my DD to his anger.
He has nowhere to go but I don't want him here.
The police said he can present himself to the council as homeless and they can help him.
Has anyone please got any advice?
I think you did the right thing in calling the police and having zero tolerance of aggression. If you can manage to have a calm conversation, I would suggest explaining in no uncertain terms that he cannot continue to live with you if he is making you and dd feel intimidated. If you don't feel able to have this talk, do it by text. Do not hesitate to call the police again if he becomes aggressive, to demonstrate you absolutely mean to set this boundary. You could also suggest he speaks to the GP about his mood. In theory CAMHS should offer an assessment, but in practice they probably will not as he is so close to age 18. At age 18 he can self refer to IAPT.
I can't talk to him, he can't or won't stay calm enough so there's no reasoning with him.
We've been down the GP and CAMHS road a couple of times and he refuses to engage with them.
I would show him the door OP. But I think you also have to be strategic about it.
It is completely unacceptable that he is intimidating you and your daughter - and using violence and the threat of violence to do this. Your poor daughter as well.
If he won't go to GP or CAMHS or engage with people who might "help" him then there is nothing else you can do in my opinion.
If it was me, a month before his 18th birthday (so not too much time for him to retaliate if he decided to go down that path) tell him that unless his behaviour changes he will have to leave the home. Between now and the ultimatum (and until he leaves if that what needs to happen) I would hide all valuables and money and important personal items. If you do need to tell him to leave I would just do an "it isn't working" kind of thing rather than accusations. He's 18 now, he's an adult, he'll find a way, and social services may help him.
You do not have to tolerate this.
Out of curiosity, how long has this behaviour with him been going on for?
And thinking on it further, you don't really have to wait until his birthday. Its not the first time, his behaviour is escalating. Really feel for you OP, it must be horrible, but there is an end in sight.
Where is his dad?
What do you think might be driving the aggression?
You say you've been to GP/CAMHS before - was that also for aggression or something else?
What is it that he's getting aggressive about? Was it about money? Had he just received some news he didn't like?
Well done for calling the police.
Thank you for replying.
The aggression has been on and off for nearly 4 years.
His dad (we broke up when DS was 4 months old) is trouble so no help or support there.
The aggression comes from not getting his own way, me putting rules in place or refusing him money.
Sounds like hell for 4 years to me.
He'll be fine wherever he goes. You and your daughter deserve some peace and happiness in your own home.