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unhealthy obsession with social life?

(9 Posts)
Akrotiri1 Thu 17-Oct-19 16:59:26

My son is 17 yrs old and my only child/single parent set up, so have no siblings to compare him too, so just wanted to see if other parents think his behaviour is 'normal' (or as normal as it gets being a teenager!!).

His whole life seems to revolve around his social life and partying - it comes before college, his part time job, and family commitments.

When he is not working or at college he is always 'out' and never seems to see free time as time to catch up with college work, or sleep.

He occasionally misses college too, being too tired or would rather be doing something with his mates. The problem is that he is studying 3 x 'A' levels, all in science subjects, so needs to be far more committed if he wants decent grades. He has been trouble at college for being abscent.

Things got out of hand last weekend when he missed work as was too tired/partied out to start a 8.30am shift. He said he was going to stay in the night before this shift, but has such a lack of willpower, was persuaded by his friends to go out.

I am pleased that her has such an active social life and a close circle of friends. but how do I teach him that sometimes other things have to take priority?

Or do I just sit back and watch him learn the hard way ie loosing jobs, getting in trouble at college etc?

Thanks in advance.

OP’s posts: |
JustDanceAddict Fri 18-Oct-19 08:08:09

My dd is the same age. Is he yr 12 or 13? He can prob get away with slacking off a bit in Year 12, but yr 13 is tough. When dd has a run of social stuff on her work suffers and she’s not a party animal. She is also doing science subjects and it hard (and a lot of work) so going out continually is not a good idea.
Are his friends doing A levels as if they are they will all have to knuckle down soon. If not then that’s more of a problem.
I would speak to him - when he’s not tired etc and emphasise the fact it’s up to him but if he carries on going out constantly and not working, he will fail (or speak to college and ask his tutor to do it).

yawnhedehihi Fri 18-Oct-19 08:11:06

I agree with PP speak to him first and if nothing changes then unfortunately he will need to learn the hard way.

Akrotiri1 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:33:47

Thanks - I have talked to him loads about his lack of commitment to his a levels. I have also been in to his place of work and asked them not to allow him to do so many shifts during the week, which they were happy to agree too. But instead of using the extra time to study, he just sees it as an opportunity to go out.

He is a bright lad and 'winged' his gcse's, but have explained to him that he will not be able to do that with A levels. He has been called in by his tutors on several occasions as they also have concerns.....

There is no one in his social group doing A levels - they are either already working or taking less pressurised vocational courses, so can get away with an occasional lesson wagged.

I am so worried for him , and his future, but if he won't listen to me, or his college tutors, am not sure what else I can do.....

OP’s posts: |
milliefiori Fri 18-Oct-19 20:40:15

I'd take him out for breakfast somewhere this weekend and tell him you are seriously concerned. That you're glad his social life is brilliant but no one else is doing A levels and that must make it hard for him to make excuses or to allocate time to studying. Ask him where he wants to be in life in 5 years time or 10. If he has aspirations to go to uni or to be taken on in anything higer than an entry level job somewhere, he wants to give himself a chance with his A levels.
What jobs are his friends doing? Ask if he wants more than this from life.

Help him make a plan to study and stick to partying only on Friday and Saturday nights.

milliefiori Fri 18-Oct-19 20:42:17

Forgot to add, my teen DC, both doing A levels, love to party and go out a lot (imo) but not so much during the week. One party a week and maybe a shorter meet up after school or on a weekend afternoon, but that's it. Easier for them, though, as all their friends are doing A levels so they are all in the same situation.

milliefiori Fri 18-Oct-19 20:45:19

Can you afford to sub him so he doesn;t have to do a job? If you can, tell him his 'job' is to get brilliant A level results and so long as you see him working hard and get good feedback on his improving attendance and grades from college, you will give him the money to party once or twice a week (but obv only if this is financially practical for you)

TheOliphantintheRoom Fri 18-Oct-19 20:55:40

When people say "party" do they mean socialise in a group with alcohol?

milliefiori Fri 18-Oct-19 21:50:31

@TheOliphantintheRoom - Y, teshat's what I meant (without realising it). Not cinema and popcorn or going for a gym session together but drinking and dancing and probably snogging.

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