Rent/lodge

[Beccy82]

Hi all. My 18yr old son have just started a proper job. Where I mean proper I mean it's not cash in hand and on the books. He's still living at home and it getting his first pay on friday this wk (it's weekly pay through an agency). Do any of u charge your working children rent/lodge? I know as an adult now he needs to pay his way and it'll get him used to paying for things when he moves out. But I don't know how much to ask him for. How much do u lot charge? I'd love to let him live here rent free like he has for the last 18yrs but I know I cant do that now. My dad said I should say 25% of whatever he earns. But then I think a quarter of what he's earning seems a lot. Any help please?

[teenagetantrums]

I think depends how much he earns and what your financial situation is. Over the years my grown kids have paid between 25 a week or 80 depending on what they earn.
I think they should always pay for their share of food bill and a bit towards bills at

[teenagetantrums]

Least

[Somerville]

Some people charge what they estimate they adult child costs them in food + utility bills. Others add on what they could earn by letting out their room commercially.

If you do need the money then work out what covers your extra costs for having him at home,
Is affordable for him, and fair for you both. If you don’t need the money then you could save it for him, to be a future deposit on a rental property.

Either way, make sure he clears up behind himself and does his own laundry and cleaning, like he’d have to if he was in any other house share right now.

[Firefliess]

DS did the same at 18. We worked out the extra he costs us in food and bills (£120 a month) and he pays us that. So not rent really (as we wouldn't otherwise be letting our his room) but we're not subsidising him

[Beccy82]

Thanx all. His first two payments (weekly) he's looking at around £200 a wk. But from then on it'll be around £400 a wk.
My financial situation is bad, it's actually shockingly shit if i'm honest. But i'm not going to take advantage of his earnings. I'm the parent not him.
I wouldn't even know where to begin to figure out how to calculate what his share of bills, food etc would be.

[Amiable]

Some very simple calculations might be -

How many in the household? For utilities, divide total cost by that number to get amount to charge him.

For food look at your overall food cost, and work out what % of the total he eats - charge that amount.

You could also just charge a percentage, ie 30% of his earnings.

If he complains remind him that he would need to pay rent, utilities, council tax, food and all extras etc, etc by himself if he moved out.

[paige789]

He's going to be on £400 a week ? That's amazing money for an 18 year old !
I was suggest that he pays at least £75 a week

[Beccy82]

@Amiable that's what my dad said. Like 25% or something.

@paige789 I know! He's working through an agency at the moment on £8.21 an hour doing 12hr shifts 5x days a wk as a drivers mate. So 60hrs but knock off 5hrs for an hour break each day. Works out around £455 before tax. Wish my job paid that much lol.

[LoyaltyBonus]

My 18yo & 16yo both earn about £1100 per month and they give me £200. The older one also covers the cost of adding him to my car insurance which he has the use of at weekends.

They pay for their own lunches at work but I but all food at home (they can make a packed lunch if they choose)

I buy basic toiletries, they buy anything fancy.

They pay for pretty much everything else but I do pay if we go for family meals or holidays and I'll buy them clothes at birthdays etc

It's not really about the amount of money I receive but them understanding that living costs money. I'm not sure if it's enough tbh.

I may well give it back to them one day but for now they believe it's mine for good.

[Firefliess]

It's not taking advantage to expect him to contribute to living costs. If your own financial situation is shit, then definitely expect him up cover his own cost at the very least. He's an adult! You wouldn't be buying his food for him if he'd left home world you?

[Djimino]

He is only earning a lot because he is doing a shit load of hours!
Good on him. 💪🏻
I'd sit down with him, get out all the bills and have a chat with him and work out what's reasonable. I'd document it 😅
Have a good think about chores too. Are you going to be cooking, shopping and cleaning for him.
I'd use this as a great opportunity to move your relationship with him from one of Mum and kid to one of two adults. That means you need to not be Mum'ing him so much. My adult kids do their own laundry and a lot of their own cooking and shopping. I'm happy to do things for them when they are working really hard but I would not like to think they expect me too.

I'd think something like £80 a week.

[Beccy82]

Thanks all you've all given me some good advice/tips there. He knows he'll have to start paying something but I just didn't know how much to say. I think with what you've all advised then yes I will sit down with him and write down everything, that way I can figure it out on paper in front of him and he can see me doing it instead of thinking i'm ripping him off lol.

That is my main problem though, I do mother him too much. I mother them all too much. I suppose when they are babies/toddlers etc and they rely on us for everything it's part of being a parent and I loved it as their mother that they knew that i'm always there for them, whether it's for food or a problem. But, in doing that i'm failing them as they grow into adulthood and I could kick myself for that. Too little too late now. I've never once asked them to do chores around the house, the only thing I ask is for them to clean their bedrooms and to bring their dirty laundry downstairs. The oldest two know how to cook and use the tumble machine but not the washing machine. Things are gonna have to change because as much as I love them being here and doing things for them, i'm creating monsters to the outside world. They are clueless if I think about it. Plus at some point as much I don't want them to move out they will, they need to be ready for that and unfortunately they ain't and it's my fault. Also don't want my son's to think that it's a woman's work to look after them. I will say that IF I ask them to do something they will. So i'm hoping it's a case of they don't do things because i've never asked them too. It's not too late so that's a good thing.

[LoyaltyBonus]

Presumably, if you're on a low wage, the fact that your son is now working affects your benefits. He needs to at least contribute enough that you're not worse off

[Beccy82]

@LoyaltyBonus my benefits stopped for him 2yrs ago when he turned 16 and left school (I get top up benefits because I work part time). Where we live you cant sign on with the dole or register with an agency for a job unless your 18. So for the last two yrs i've had nothing for him, he's had nothing himself but obviously i've still had to feed him and give him money etc. He's done a few cash in hand jobs because again with a lot of jobs he needed to be 18 for health and safety reasons. He turned 18 the last day of september so he registered with an agency at the start of this month and got this job. So fair play to him for that.

In case anyone is wondering we both agreed on 20% of his wages. He had his first pay today, wont be a full weeks worth yet, last wk he did 2x 12hr shifts plus his 6hr induction so that's what he got paid for today. He had £225 and he should have really given me £45 but I let him give £40 instead. I don't feel bad taking that amount off him. Well I do I feel bad taking anything off him but it needs to be done. I think 20% is ample.