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Is he hungry or greedy?

(17 Posts)
taxiforme Tue 08-Oct-19 14:18:29

Having a bit of an issue with my 19yo DSS.
He eats huge amounts of food!!

It seems that his life has become determined by when and what he eats. It's a relatively recent thing and has become really very obvious and a bit worrying.

We have just come back from holiday staying in an airBNB with my family. We don't see them very often as they live overseas. They all commented separately on it (DM concerned, DB thought he was a legend..) and I wonder if it is normal?

Examples -

He ate his cereal out of a large serving dish. In a week he went through 3 large boxes (according to the Kellogg's box, that's 54 servings!) Lunch would be a whole cooked chicken with fries. He would then ask if he could have a second lunch at about 4pm!! We went out for dinner with my DP and had afters at a self serve by weight ice cream parlour- he filled a family sized tub for himself - got to weighing scales and cost £17 (which my DF refused to pay for!).

He has four large meals a day. Lives most of week with DM and (as last night) often drops in to us and has a pizza before going back to hers for his evening meal.

He is NOT overweight at all. He is about 6ft. He doesn't seem to comfort or secret eat. He is an apprentice carpenter. Plays rugby but only on weekend. Has mild LD and is a little bit immature for his age. isn't a fussy eater.

I have written it off in the past that he was a "typical" teenage lad with hollow legs but it's out of control- the holiday and catering 24/7 for him has put a different slant on it. It's not just the massive amounts he eats, but as I said he has started to come across as obsessed by when he is going to eat and if there will be enough food for him, to the extent that my family noticed.

He lives with his DM and spends two/three nights here every week. DM has many food allergies and intolerances. I don't think he is "allowed" to cook his own food at home. He hasn't a clue in the kitchen, either which I am trying to get him involved with.

I appreciate he is an adult but he is likely to be living at home for the foreseeable future and is starting to spend more and more time here which is fine as he is a really sweet lad and we get on really well.

I work in an environment where I often meet people who struggle to make ends meet and often can't afford to eat properly.

I don't have my own DCs.

It's starting to become a thing for me. Is there enough food for him at mealtimes ect ect. Am I overthinking? Is he greedy (which is a vice I can't bear) or just a very lucky (compared to some) normal young locust lad? Will he grow out of it? Should I just cater normally for him and if he is hungry he can go to the shop?

Pipandmum Tue 08-Oct-19 14:23:19

I know some pretty skinny teenagers who can eat loads, but this does sound over the top. Could there be any underlying issues? Could he be bulimic? Has his father talked to his mother about this? Or his son? Has he asked him if his mother is preventing him from eating at home? It’s not right a 19 year old can’t cook in his own home.

taxiforme Tue 08-Oct-19 14:40:42

Pretty sure he is not bulimic.

DH has tried to engage exW on other topics (they have been divorced for 13 years) but she usually dismisses his concerns.

She probably was a bit paranoid about DSS using the cooker (they have an aga) knives ect in the past, which I can understand. It's probably entrenched now.

taxiforme Tue 08-Oct-19 14:51:34

DSS had an issue a couple of years ago about "bulking up".

Unfortunately with these things it starts off as a sweet joke "you on a diet? Lol" when he was piling his plate up. DH has encouraged him, in the past. The whole growing lad thing. My DM just thought he was really, greedy, which made me feel a bit hmm

I think it might be hard to turn it around. Maybe we need to do less food and choices available and an apple when he asks if there is anything he can have as a snack.

SnowsInWater Wed 09-Oct-19 05:30:04

I'm usually very much against making food an issue, but one person thinking that having a whole children to themselves for a meal is ok is just crazy, let alone the fact that you say he wanted another meal a few hours later. It sounds like everybody has forgotten what normal food portions are. I would go back to basics, look at the energy requirements for a fairly active male of that age and then work out what that actually means in terms of quantity of food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Is there any way your DSS or a family member could access a dietitian to help meal plan? It is hard if he is living across different homes with different rules and expectations and is in that strange no man's land where others provide his food at least some of the time. It might be worth a medical check anyway, that level of hunger does not seem normal and I say that as the mother of young adult sons.

SnowsInWater Wed 09-Oct-19 05:31:17

Oops Freudian or what, that would be whole chicken, not whole children 😂

user1474894224 Wed 09-Oct-19 05:39:15

Does he lift weights? Is he into the gym? My OH was a lifter and used to eat phenomenal amounts of food. (Would happily at a whole chicken in Nandos, cereal out of a massive bowl etc) That being said your dad is 6 foot tall and pretty active so possibly just hungry and maybe a little over excited to have tasty food on tap. (My 11 year old would over do the ice cream parlour if he was left alone to do so.) Maybe instead of cereal for breakfast you/he/dad could arrange a protein packed meal - eggs and bacon, porridge, scrambled eggs, etc as it will keep him fuller for later. Also make sure he gets a morning and afternoon snack to keep him going so he isn't so starving by lunch and tea. He sounds like he has a high metabolism. And he was on holiday too....(next time you should consider all inclusive!)

GlamGiraffe Wed 09-Oct-19 05:42:48

Some teenagers eat an immense amount but that sounds huge even by teenage boy standards. Given he isnt overweight and you dont believe its bulimia I dont think these should be concerns. If hes constantly high exercise with sport etc he could easily be burning up loads of calories he might not be estingveell with his mum so packing it in when hes with you. Is that possible?
Otherwise have you considered the possibility of s metabolic disorder? Perhaps he should be tested?

Slowchirp Wed 09-Oct-19 05:43:54

Well the whole chicken sounds a bit ott but my skinny, 6ft 4" brother could easily have eaten four large meals a day at that age. I remember my mother cooking egg and chips for him at 10 pm to get him through the night. By all means get him checked at gp but I would have thought the fact that he is not overweight at all is a bit of a clue. Carpentry is hard physical work. Be kind and cut him some slack! Surely at that age, the more you make it an issue, the more he will do the opposite of what you see fit? Why not teach him to cook some healthy recipes?

Slowchirp Wed 09-Oct-19 05:47:14

Totally agree with previous poster about eating eggs for breakfast or some sort of protein to fill him up for the day. Cereal isn't the best.

msmith501 Wed 09-Oct-19 06:13:16

Worms?

HalyardHitch Wed 09-Oct-19 06:16:25

He's a trainee carpenter, you say? Has that coincided with the increased appetite? When DH is on the tools he eats an incredible amount of food

EmmaGrundyForPM Wed 09-Oct-19 06:21:57

My ds2 is 21 and 6'2". As an older teen he could eat phenomenal amounts. He did a huge amount of exercise including weights so just burned it off. However even he didn't eat as much as your dss.

If he genuinely isn't overweight then he's presumably needing that amount of calories. My ds stopped eating so much when he stopped growing, about a year ago.

HellonHeels Wed 09-Oct-19 06:38:51

You really sound rather dramatic:

"A vice I can't bear" - there are "vices" a hell of a lot worse than being enthusiastic about food.

Maybe stop being so judgmental (and overly influenced by your mother's opinions) and have a chat with DSS. My guess is he's still growing and is working a tough physical job. And potentially is a bit short on food when at his mum's.

taxiforme Sat 12-Oct-19 20:05:15

Thanks all. "On the tools" grin fantastic.

My DH has managed to have a chat with him and he has told him that he is trying to bulk up for rugby.

He is not getting enough to eat at his DMs so we are going to suggest he spends more time here which is great as he can start to learn some life skills like using the oven.

Lara53 Mon 14-Oct-19 20:26:34

Sugary cereal won’t help with building him up!! Teach him lots of ways to cook eggs/ chicken 😀

secondaccount Mon 14-Oct-19 20:29:01

I have 4 sons and the older 3 (all 6 foot plus and skinny) eat like that.

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