Firstly I'd like some advice: I suspect a lot of the issues I'm going through with my 17y7m DS are covered in the long thread about holding the end of the rope.... to get the most/best feedback from peeps should I stick to this thread or post in there too? (Mumsnet virgin!)
To attempt to cut a loooong story shortish:
Partner died 2y7m ago, a week before DS's 15th birthday. Pancreatic cancer, not properly diagnosed until the week before he died. DS & I lived in Spain, partner plied to and fro. Discovered at his deathbed that he hadn't signed his new Will, which would have made me main beneficiary. We had recently renewed our engagement. He intended to marry me to sort our finances apart from anything else.
DS & I then had to move from Spain to UK, he had to move school, leave all friends he'd had for years, the home he'd known since age 5, change lifestyle/weather/etc. We discovered rather soon that he'd had a second relationship on the go, with a woman 10 years older than me, a near neighbour, who I thought was just a friend (although I had challenged him on it). DS had been asked by his dad to keep quiet about a photo he once accidentally saw of them together/kissing/whatever.
Having been a stay at home mum all his life, I had to find work. His much loved Gran had started to descent deep into Alzheimer's. The legal fight for money ensued.
Not surprisingly he tried a few weeks at his new school but ultimately pretty much dropped out though thankfully the school was superb and with help from them and the Family Support Worker he was kept on roll and at the end of the GCSE year he was entered for six and despite only really having studied for a term and a bit in Spain plus very few weeks in the UK, he passed them all, no worse than a Grade 4. So.…. entered the local college to do A levels, didn't like the attitude of other students and the reliance on PowerPoint by one teacher. All but dropped out. Allowed to continue to just do the one A level he was excelling at (Spanish) & to re-apply for different subjects this term.
Now, two weeks in, he's had yet another crisis and after about a week of a mix of ignoring me, arguing, saying he really does want to continue learning, saying he wants to drop out and work in a fish and chip shop full time and increase his fitness routine & rugby,he's gone the whole hog and messaged his tutor he's not coming back. This seems to be directly related to me taking his car keys because he wasn't listening to me, continues to do zero help around the house, blah blah usual 17 year old stuff.
I suppose partly I want to know if I'm being TOO speedy in imposing fairly harsh changes, or if it's my own fault it's coming back to bite me in the bum because I've been too soft for too long during his long period of depression/insomnia/IBS/gaming after his dad died and when he wasn't going to school.
Ok I won't type any longer but I'm not even sure if I've given the full picture of how unhappy/mixed up/etc I am.
He has a much older half bro/sis. Brother is trying to help but exasperated.
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Teenagers
Too late imposing boundaries but with good reason......
35 replies
SoggyMess · 21/09/2019 18:10
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