This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
feeling terrible(4 Posts)
Hi I had to name change as feel so bad.
My 16 year old dd will never let me see who she is meeting and I find this very hard.
She was out with her bf yest after school only going out a month. I know his name but nothing else.
She came in while I was in bed and said he asked to see her again this evening and I said that's fine come home get changed and I will leave you in town to meet him but please can I see him.
She then changed it and said they where going out as a group of 4 which is 2 girls and 2 boys and I said are you a lesbian is that why you don't want me to see.
I have nothing against lesbians and don't mind if she is as long as I know.
She got really upset and said she wasn't going out.
This happens nearly every week.
Last week I went into the shop where she was to meet this girl and the girl was not even there.
She kept arguing with me that she is 16 should be allow do what she wants so I just stopped the car and let her out.
I get so angry at this and say things I regret.
I just want to see who she is meeting to know she is safe for the evening.
I take anxiety medication and blood pressure tablets and have spoke to my gp about this.
I am constantly worried about her. as she has been hit at school and at a disco in the past year.
I have another dd 14 and I don't worry about her like this as she lets me see who she is meeting.
I feel so bad the things I say.
I can't concentrate at work and just feel like crying at the minute.
Please give me advice not a telling off as I am sore enough on myself.
How do others handle it when they reach 16.
You really just came out with "are you a lesbian?" When she changed it to say it was 2 boys and 2 girls now going? Christ
Wow, I think you are ok being concerned, it could be a grown man, drug dealer, anything. I would have loved it (and hated it) if a member of my family had cared enough to give a shit.
She is 16 yes, but at 16 you are often fearless to a fault. But she is pushing you away for a reason, something is wrong. Why would she cry when you asked her whether she is a lesbian? (Although strange question, most lesbians I know said they were meeting friends as a cover, not boyfriends)
I dont think however that you can force this. I would write her a little note saying that it is ok, you do trust her, you just want her to know that you are here for her, no matter what, no subject is off limits. Tell her your mothers intuition was alerting you that there may be something wrong, but if she says there isn't then you accept this too. Apologise for perhaps interfering and tell her you love her...then leave it. Step back and let her come to you
Ok. Yes, you are right to take an interest because she's still a minor but your comments about getting angry and saying things you regret are worrying. You don't sound as if you're handling things sensitively and if you blow up at her all the time then she's not going to trust you is she?