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Should I be worried ?(7 Posts)
DD's (15) new boyfriend (16) seems a nice enough polite boy BUT from the bits of conversations I hear (on Facetime) from her bedroom during the evenings, I am concerned he's quite intense and emotional. One minute he sounds all sad and grumpy in his voice and I hear dd saying 'Are you crying ? Come back ...' and then he starts talking again and seems OK. He's totally smitten with dd and they talk all evening. I caught dd talking to him at 1.45am this morning. DH have told her this is totally unacceptable and is not to happen again. I won't go into what else I have heard but he appears quite insecure and has made reference to dd's last relationship - not wanting dd to look at the other boys posts on Snapchat etc. DD say's her bf is sweet, caring and adores her but I have a nasty niggle that although he seems nice enough, polite and caring to her in one sense .. that he might be emotionally manipulative and controlling. I have seen some social media photo's with him almost 'claiming' dd in the photo's - or is it normal teenage stances?. DD is quite a prize, quite striking fro a 15yo & I am sure he's feeling quite pleased with his catch. We don't know him well but he is coming to the house soon, we are not allowing any bedroom chillout time as dh and I have set this rule. Do I wait to see how things pan out ? I can't let dd know I have overheard their convo's .. although they are not quiet about talking particularly. The relationship happened very fast after dd's last one, this bf did not waste any time ! I feel a bit mean but I just don't feel happy about this relationship and dd thinks I don't like the boy. Although it might sound as if I am making assumptions, my gut is telling me I am right. Has anyone else had this situation with their daughters/ sons at this age ? How did things turn out, was your gut feeling right ? I know they are young and there are lots of hormones flying about but dd was heartbroken over last relationship and I don't want her to be hurt so quickly again after last time. I also don't want her in an emotionally charged relationship :-(
Did you watch I am Nicola ? I'd watch it and then see if you think it's suitable for your dd to watch.
My dd is 16 her bf just finished with her bf just finished with her for the 2nd time in 3 weeks on Monday and she is away out with a mix of friends on Monday evening didn't go with anyone but she is away out again today and said she might go with one. She did the same couple weeks ago when he finished. She said a lot of teenagers do this it helps with a breakup.
Personally I think getting to serious under 18 is too quick go out have fun with friends.
The phone thing my dd would stay on snapchat to late when she has a bf so this is normal but she wouldn't be on phone calls.
There is an opportunity here, to help her understand reasonable boundaries when it comes to dealing with other people's problems (including people she cares about).
Teenage relationships are emotionally charged by definition!
I’m not sure what you can do - you can’t stop her from seeing this boy - she will sneak behind your back. Heartbreak is part of growing up and I think the best you can do is be there and support her. If you start expressing your concerns she’ll think you just don’t understand and you will be pushed away, not the boy.
1. no bedroom chillout time - you are right.
2. you are at liberty to express your opinions about him (once).
3. is it me (it might be) but it feels strange / awful that a girl of 15 is on her second "relationship" and has already been 'heartbroken'
IMO. Support her and encourage the bf to come to the house as often as possible so you can keep a distant eye on things. Keep communication open and non judgmental with your daughter but gently question anything you think may get her out of her depth with him.
She may have to have a few broken heart moments that in the end will be a good learning curve before she finds the one that will respect and love her as much as you do. 💐