How to talk to my DD about relationships

[feemcgee]

I really don't want to alienate my DD, who is almost 14, but want to talk to her about this. Her friends group now includes some boys, and someone told me that she's going out with a boy who is a year older. I'm not particularly worried but would love to be able to speak to her about relationships in an open and relaxed manner. She knows about sex, so that's not my major concern, it's more about not being pressured.
I also don't want to jump to any conclusions about what she's doing! Any advice please?

[RowingMermaid]

Do you have a Dh/Oh?

I would point stuff out in your own relationship, confirm what is healthy ie I like it that your Dad and I can really talk to each other like friends. I have always said to my sons that your girlfriend should be just like your best mate but female (as he likes girls.) If you can't talk to them then it is not a relationship.

Madly I also showed him MN relationships board to see examples of unhealthy stuff like sulking and what is behind it. He is 16.

We talked about consent, not just sex but physically touching someone, a shove, punch, holding hands, everything. How to say you aren't comfortable with something and that you shouldn't feel bad about it. Your feelings are valid.

Plus the drama of relationships luckily not Ds but his friends and their girlfriends. We talk a lot, we have a good relationship.

[ChilliMum]

What about movies or a teen drama you can watch together?

My dd is 13 and we often have girls TV night. We have watched the entire box set of Buffy (quirky characters, sex, friendship drama, bullying), twighlight (unhealthy relationships) dirty dancing (abortion) etc..

It usually leads to a natural conversation about relationships or issues thrown up, much more natural and we have had some really good discussions.

[landscapingtrees]

The "talk" should be free and happy - sex is a gift of course (a happy and spiritual gift for those inclined to that way of thinking). But there should be a talk I One Hundred Per Cent agree. Many parents are throwing their teens to the wolves of commercial sexuality for one thing. The internet and TV is full of beliefs and opinions on sex, many of them crude at best, corrupt at worst. If you are a parent you have to get there first, you really do. I've had "the talk" with my 16 year old son, and I have emphasised this: respect, self-respect and joy; I've told him that corrupt people like to corrupt others (something I've learned in life), and try to preserve his joy and soulfulness in matters of sex (even innocence, though that seems old fashioned these days).

If you don't say something about sexual relationships, there are 100 people queuing up to tell you what you should be doing, and most of them do not have your DDs interests at heart. You do.

[feemcgee]

Thanks everyone, this is all great advice, I really appreciate it. I clearly need to spend more quality time with my DD, and a movie night is a good place to start!