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Advice needed about DD posting images on Snapchat etc

(5 Posts)
Flossiefoo Fri 12-Jul-19 22:17:37

15dd has just started a relationship with a 16yo boy in her class at school. Have been friends for a year but dd recently split with he first bf which absolutely broke her heart. That was all quite innocent and they saw each other only occasionally out of school here at home. They are still in touch and talk regularly on Fatetimer. Cue, friend who then declared his attraction for her and has managed to woo and wow her (I think it's a rebound thing but hey what do I know dd doesn't communcate and just thinks we don't like the new boy ...) It's all happened at a million miles an hour and dh and I are nervous things are a bit intense. Anyway, my concern is that a friend has seen images on social media with heads in laps and lying on chests. This is all new and unknown territory to me and I know it goes on BUT my cncern is the message it is portraying to others seeing the images. I don't want her thought of as being a bit 'game' .. I have seen the start of Insta messages pop up on her ipad freferring to her bf as getting'lucky'. DD hs said she's too scared to even kiss him let alone anything else, she's pretty innocent on that front.
So, my question is how do dh or myself broach the subject of not posting these sort of images publicly for all their 'friends' on social media to see - we are obviously blocked from those accounts so we can't say we've seen them. The digital footprint concerns me and where does it stop .. lying on his naked chest next ? ? I want her to have some decorum and grace .. I know she's not naked or got her boobs out etc but we are really unhappy about this. What do we say as a geberal request etc? Help :-(

OP’s posts: |
mcmen71 Fri 12-Jul-19 23:53:29

I would tell her a friend has seen the photo and told you out of concern for her.
Tell her she is underage of consent and the bf could get into serious trouble.
I wouldn't be over concerned about the rebound from one boy to another my dd 16 said it's the best way to get over a boy to go with as another one.

tarheelbaby Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:33

She sounds quite sweet but maybe a little naive?
Do tell her your friend has seen pictures of her online. Talk about privacy settings on her apps - actually get out the phones and find the tabs. I did this recently when I allowed my DD to start using WhatsApp and was surprised how little she knew. If you are unsure what settings are best (like I was) you can google for all kinds of info and suggestions.

Remind her that posting and/or sharing explicit pictures, even if she posts them of herself, is illegal at her age and can have serious consequences for her and everyone who shares the images. Also remind her about the specifics of 'age of consent' so that she is aware how that pertains to her and her new BF.

I say remind because she should have learned all this in PSHE (or however they spell it at her school) but it's easy to think it's not that serious or that it doesn't really apply. Gauging by MN, it seems that even if the couple in question are content, friends and friends' parents contact schools directly and v. quickly in these situations and suddenly SS and police are involved and it becomes a huge, permanent deal.

Also, if you can, invite the new BF for dinner or something (movie night?) and get to know him a little. Even if she doesn't let on, I bet your DD would like to feel your approval and you'll have a better idea what's going on with them.

Flossiefoo Thu 18-Jul-19 22:22:58

Thank you !

OP’s posts: |
HarmonyIsNot Thu 18-Jul-19 22:29:18

I understand your worry OP. There was a girl in DD's school who's boyfriend posted a pic of them in bed, she had a top on and he was shirtless and they were cuddling. Def looked like a post sex photo hmm DD says the boy posted it innocently but the girl was absolutely slated and it was awful for her. Called every name under the sun etc, nobody bothered with the boy.

I'd tell her that even if she feels comfortable in the situation that she shouldn't take pictures or let her boyfriend take them. And if either of them do, then they have to both agree to keep them private. Also warn her that once somethinf is posted online then it's there forever. Would she want future employers to find pictures of her with him? Future partners? What about when they have a disastrous breakup? Does she really want intimate pictures of them still online?

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