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difficult situation concerning neice

(5 Posts)
kaylasmum Thu 26-Jul-07 16:59:27

Hi, i'm in a bit of an awkward position concerning my 17 year old neice, i've just found out via my daughter that my neice is pregnant. She was pregnant last year at the age of 16 and had a termination. Seemingly there is a choice of 2 fathers. My predicament is whether to tell her mum, (my sister) about this. If it was my dd i would definately want to know, but my sister has had a lot of bother with her dd over the past couple of years and i sometimes get the impression that she'd rather not know what her dd is up to. She is going to find out eventually as my neice intends to keep this baby, although i really don't think she'll manage at all.

I just feel bad knowing about this and not knowing whether to say anything and if i don't and my sister finds out that i knew she won't be too pleased with me!

Anyway got any advice?

Thanks in advance for any replies.

CarGirl Thu 26-Jul-07 17:00:54

perhaps ask your niece would you like me to tell your Mum, or are you going to do it yourself by Sunday??? Or offer to go around so you can be there when she does tell her Mum?

HonoriaGlossop Thu 26-Jul-07 18:05:27

Good ideas cargirl. I don't think doing nothing is an option here (sounds like parental version of doing nothing with this girl has got her into a lot of messes in the last couple of years!)

You have to make your sister aware but I agree, let your neice know you're doing it or be there when she does it.

Hope it all works out for her, poor girl.

kaylasmum Thu 26-Jul-07 21:27:59

Thanks for your replies,

I don't have a particularly close relationship my niece so not too sure how she would feel about me speaking to her about it. When she had the termination last year my siser was on holiday at the time and she phoned me from abroad and asked me to go with my niece to the hospital as she was getting a lot of hassle from her ex boyfriend. I went with her and there was a big scene at the hospital because her ex was there. The police told my niece not to have any contact with him as he had been hitting her. Anyway it turned out that she'd called him and told him she was at the hospital and then started seeing him again. He deals drugs and was seemingly involved with money laundering. So i'm a little concerned about getting involved again. I was actually 6 months pregnant at the time myself and the whole thing really stressed me out.

I just feel that my sister should know about this but i'm not sure what her reaction will be. She really made it clear to her dd the last time that if she went ahead with the pregnancy that she would not get any support from her. Also my neice's best friend is 6 months pg and i don't think she would be considering keeping the baby if it was'nt for that, she is quite immature in my opinion.

sorry this post is so long. I have 5 kids of my own to deal with and want to help my niece but don't want to make things worse. I'm just going to mull it over for a couple of days before i do anything.

Thanks again for your replies,


HonoriaGlossop Thu 26-Jul-07 22:21:55

well any mother who can be on holiday when her daughter is going through that at 16, and who doesn't come back but rings and asks their sister to 'go to the hospital with her'.....

Your poor neice is getting no parenting, no helpful parenting at least You are obviously stretched yourself and you can't be her mum; I think if this were me I'd waste no time in telling this girl's mum about it, and I'd be making clear that it's simply not good enough to say "you'll get no support from me". It's obviously lack of support that has got this girl where she is. Your sister may well need lots of help in order to be able to support her daughter; but that's what she needs to do. Her daughter is still a child and she is obviously utterly lost and struggling.

Perhaps you could phone your local NSPCC and ask them for contact details of organisations who may be able to support the family?

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