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50-something mums of teenagers - talk to me please!(14 Posts)
We’re debating baby #3. I’m 41... I’ve asked around and have had plenty of info and experiences from those currently pregnant at this kind of age or who have toddlers.
But those of you further down the line, how is parenting a teen when you yourself are in your mid-late 50s, or 60?! This is one of our (mainly DH’s) concerns. Our other two kids are 7 and 3.
Would love your experiences. Thanks
I was 40 & my next youngest was 3.5yo when my last one was born.
It is a wrench to go back to babies.
I'm fine now (almost 52). But you do hear heaps of MNers complaining they are all tired out at age 40+, so no promises how you'll be.
I'm thinking of friend who couldn't maintain a pregnancy naturally until she was 43... finally a miracle baby came (though no more). Her health continued fine for next 8-9 yrs... but then rapidly went downhill. You can't tell.
Am currently 58 with a 16 and twin 14 year olds. I've got nothing to directly compare it to but I'd say that DS16 especially respects me more than his friends do to their younger parents. I do worry sometimes about dying when my kids are still relatively young but, mostly, I enjoy being an older parent.
Schrodangler I do worry about dying when my kids are still relatively young too (I lost my mum a couple of years ago and she has me at 39...) but equally I hope for a long and healthy life and know nothing is guaranteed even if you have your kids younger. I do think about not seeing any potential grandchildren grow up too as my mum didn’t see hers but also tell myself that’s not a reason not to have children.
lljkk I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s health.
My ex-SIL was 45 when she had her ds; he is now a young adult and she is still fit and active and they travel Europe together every summer.
I was a bit younger when I had dc: my youngest is now 19 and I am mid-50s, but I am sure I could have coped if I had been a few years older: parenting teenagers can be tiring but not in that physically exhausting way that is parenting younger children.
Of course I could fall ill and die, but a friend of mine did that when she was in her 40s, and another friend became physically incapacitated at about the same time, so there is no guarantee either way.
I'm 56, my youngest is 16, she has two older brothers.
Best thing that ever happened to our family (though she was a surprise 😊). We are really close, I love hearing her perspectives on life and watching her grow. Yes, we are still parent taxi, paying school fees when others our age are finished etc. but tbh I think it keeps us young. DH and I can do things like go away for weekends as she is being left with adults but obviously she still needs a higher level of parental involvement than her brothers. Most of her friends' mums are probably a few years younger than me but not by much. If you want a third child I wouldn't let the thought of the teenage years put you off, teenagers are lots of fun.
Awful. I’m 51 with a 13 year old and parents in their nineties. Parents have dementia, teen is hormonal, I’m menopausal- everyone needs me and all of them are foul-tempered and illogical. Partner is older than me and teen is angry at our old age- certainly doesn’t respect us more. By the time teen leaves home (if they ever get to be independent!) my partner will be too old to do half the fun stuff I wanted to in my forties. Friends our age and older have shrugged off responsibilities and waltzed into early retirement. It’s not all bad but the age/life stage doesn’t help.
We are 58 and 55 with 17 and 15yr old sons. Didn't meet until our 30's and then took time to conceive. In all honesty the younger years were harder - I felt like on old Mum in my 40's. I enjoy the teenage years more. We work full time, keep fit and in all honesty I dont think we are any older in attitude than my Sons friends parents who are around 10 yrs younger.
Just picked up my youngest (16) from her school prom and been chatting with her the past hour ..I feel like the luckiest woman alive when I think of her and her lovely sister (18). I'm 56 but hanging out with these two makes me feel youthful - i dont mean in an embarrassing way! Just excited about life, optimistic, able to laugh till it hurts. Plus I don't seem to get into conflict with them barely at all - maybe another thing of being an older parent? I say do it!
I’m one of the tired ones. I was 32, 34, 36 when I had my three, and now 55. Found it really really tiring when they were full on teens (youngest now 19) - exam stress, friendship angst, parties, late pick ups, relationship problems, sex, alcohol, financial expense, my list goes on and on, - and they are good kids!
My biggest regret is that we didn’t have our kids when we were younger.
As you see, I’d advise against it
Personally I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m 53 with a DD of 17 and a DS of 15. The idea of having another teenager to deal with is frightening to me. I am more tired and I am certain that menopausal rage, anxiety and overall tiredness does not help!
I had mine at 41 and 43. They are now teenagers. You can die at any time (my husband did at 51).
I didn’t plan it that just the way life worked out. I wasn’t anymore tired I don’t think. The difference is I had 41 years of freedom and then had kids, rather than freedom, kids, then freedom. My freedom will come when I’m in my 60s. I hope I see my grandkids grow but you know that’s life - you can’t always dictate when things will happen.
I'm 53, DH is 58, we have 18 and 17 year olds. To be fair ours are very good and don't give us a bit of bother, but we are now looking towards retirement but have just started to fund university for them both and will have that for the next 4 years (one on a 5 year course, the other on a 4). I found it harder earlier though as I had a fairly early menopause and DC were just getting into teenage years but had loads going on, we were going through a tough time in our marriage and I was permanently exhausted. I wish we'd met and had them younger.
I'm 52 and dd 15, it's hard work, but so is any teen. The other two are men aged 25 and 27.
Saying that it depends on the child some are easy some are hard.
I'm so glad we had her, such a great relationship with siblings, lovely to see how close they all are, despite the age differences.