AIBU that I want my 17 yo to get a summer job?

[redfraggle1973]

My nearly 17 yo doesn't seem to be interested in getting a part time job at all. He has finished college until September already and that's a long time to sit in his pants playing Xbox!! He is prone to laziness, doesn't do anything around the house to help, moans and whines if I ask him to help. I go on and on about finding a job, even part-time, just something to get him off his backside some days. Am I being unreasonable to have this expectation??

I keep searching for jobs and emailing them to him but he has zero motivation or interest!! Am I being too pushy?!

[Floralnomad]

It’s not unreasonable at all however pt jobs are hard to get and frankly if he comes across as unmotivated he won’t get one anyway . He needs incentive so stop giving him money .

[Moneybegreen]

Ask him how he intends to afford to socialise, go to the cinema etc over the summer and tell him you wont be funding it.

[username888888]

Not unreasonable at all. I got a Saturday job as soon as I started college and did more hours in the holidays. I actually think it's important to do some kind of part time work whilst in education. A lot of kids when they leave education can find it hard to adapt to working life/social equities required by businesses if they have never worked before.
My motivation to work was money basically my parents said when I start college they would no longer give me spending money. I found a job within a week . Having said that it was over 10 years ago so may have been easier to find jobs then.

[MazDazzle]

Are there any hotels or pubs nearby? I work in a hotel and we’re always looking for extra staff in the summer.

[MazDazzle]

Are there any hotels or pubs nearby? I work in a hotel and we’re always looking for extra staff in the summer.

[redfraggle1973]

You're right they are hard to get. He did apply for about 10 last summer but didn't get anywhere, which really knocked him (they have so much to learn eh?!!). I only give him a fiver a week but might stop doing this then....

[redfraggle1973]

Thanks username (I've realised I'm not replying properly under people's comments, I'm new here and no idea what I'm doing haha!). I agree, so important to do some form of work. He also has high functioning autism so I do know it's incredibly hard for him (doesn't have great social and communication skills) but he's perfectly able. I will keep going with this then, thank you.

[redfraggle1973]

Thanks MazDazzle. That's a tricky one, I'm not sure that industry would be right for him as he has autism... .communication and social skills don't come easily to him (should have mentioned that in my original post). I will keep on going with this as I really feel he needs it, if that makes sense.

[redbedheadd]

Stop giving him money. What about dog walking? Could just print some little flyers? Does your area have a Facebook group? Lots of people advertise there.

But ultimately if he doesn't want one you can't force it...

[Roseandrhubarb]

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, to be honest - and I may be projecting a bit as my parents were obsessed with me finding paid work as soon as I turned 14 (we had plenty of money, it was the worth ethic they wanted!) By all means don't give him much spending money, though.

[1Wanda1]

I encouraged DS to get a job last summer after GCSEs. He had all sorts of excuses/delaying tactics. He just wasn't going to do it. So I wrote his CV, printed off several copies, and walked him up and down our local High Street sending him into all the shops I thought might have part time jobs for 16-18 year old, and told him to ask if they had any jobs going.

Obviously he found this "embarrassing". However, he got a Saturday job at a well known fashion retailer and a year later it has been the absolute making of him. He loves it. And he earns about £300 a month in salary and commission!

Sometimes you just have to force their hand a bit.

[redfraggle1973]

Thanks everyone for all your help and honest replies, really helpful :)

[Oblomov19]

Teenager jobs are A LOT harder to get these days.
I had lots of jobs when I was 14-18. Now round here they are like gold dust!

[pikapikachu]

Ds got a job after GCSEs and dd will be doing the same. There are jobs for teens around here- especially in retail and fast food as there's a big shopping centre and lots of industrial parks with businesses.

[pointythings]

If you need the money coming into the household, fine. If you don't, why does it bother you so much? I never had a summer job as a teenager (mind you, we only got 6 weeks' summer holidays and were away on family holidays for 3 of those) and I've ended up a hard working tax paying citizen. My DDs haven't had summer jobs either, because we don't need the income. DD1 worked on her EPQ last summer. This summer she'll be completely done with school and I'm happy for her to have a lazy fun summer before she sets off for uni.

DD2 has nearly finished with GCSEs. She's shattered and dealing with chronic pain. I won't be expecting her to get a summer job either. They're honestly not going to turn out delinquent just because they've had a bit of time off.

[Dropthedeaddonkey]

My DS wanted a job as he wanted to go out with mates drinking and go to a festival so I actually preferred him being at home! He left it to the last minute and got a job at Dominos paying about £4.30 an hour which was half the rate if he’d applied to other retailers! He only really worked weekend evenings and odd extra shifts and he just walked in and asked. At that rate they probably like 16 year olds! Another option to keep occupied is to do the national citizen service programme which is massively subsidised by the govt. my son refused to do it but others in his year did and had a great time. If you have hotels or theme parks near you they often need staff just for summer. Would he do volunteering? I have a son with autism and he struggles without a routine in holidays so I get where you are coming from

[PurpleLady11x]

I moved out at 16, not doing anything at 17 is pretty bad - now is the time to start looking into his long term career prospects and getting a start on the long term plan for that. What does he want to do?

[bluedoor4]

My DH has the best work ethic of anyone I know. He'll happily tell you that at the start of his first uni holidays, his dad collected him from the train station and took him straight to the job centre. Didn't even go home to drop off bags or anything He was a lazy teenager and resented his dad hugely for it, for a while (they have a great relationship now).

A few summers working in vegetable sorting was a great motivator and he credits his current (well paid, interesting) job these days to his dad's hard line attitude.

[Cleanmywindows]

What kind of job do you envision him getting? Options for teenagers are not what they used to be. Moreover, if he doesn't want to work, hes not likely to convince someone to give him a go. Has he expressed a desire to work or is this all you?

[lljkk]

My son refused to apply for anything at that age, plus refused to go to college, so you've beaten me already.

I wonder if routine boundaries would help (around the house behaviour). Get him to agree to doing some routine jobs around the house. Expect that you will have to stand at the door & give him hard stare to get them done, often maybe for weeks daily, and certainly at least until the habit is ingrained. Most of us only cope with our lives by having strong habits. Try to change his habits.

[Sadik]

Interesting thread. My dd also has an ASD, and I've been encouraging her to get a job just to try to get her to improve her social skills.

She's different in that she's helpful around the house, happy to go & help her GPs in the garden, and works for money in our family business. She just doesn't do anything (quite literally) that isn't with family when she's not at college. She has a few college friends but can't cope with co-ordinating to meet up with them (they're all pretty socially awkward too I think).

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I really worry about how she's going to cope in a few years time when she has to be out in the wider world (she doesn't want to work long term in the family business, and I really don't think it would be healthy, even if she comes back to it when she's older).

[Sadik]

Should say that all the teenagers I know (age 13 upwards) who want work have it, there's no shortage around here as it's a tourist area with lots of summer seasonal employment.