Teenagers and studying, or lack of concern about studying...

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

That old chestnut.

I have just watched as a tutor (who I obviously pay for) has sat twiddling his thumbs as DS (almost 15) first wanders off to find a pair of socks, then wanders off to find a notepad, wanders off to find a book a which he can’t find...).

I just don’t have the strength - ‘are you ready - do you have everything ready? I can see a pad and folder - is there anything else you need for your tutor?’
‘Yes mum’
‘Do you know if there is anything you need him to go over?’
‘Yes mum - did you get any chocolate hobnobs for the teacher?’

Do I really need to check everything for school - even when I ask him ‘have you got your text books today?’ He says yes. I say ‘can you have a wee think about the classes today and make sure you have everything?’. He says yes. I have to trust him because - newsflash - I am not at school with him and don’t know which books he needs for every class!

Then term reports come on complaining about him rocking up without his books or equipment - or homework (which is all exaggeration apparently).

God help me!

[lljkk]

It can be an anxiety thing with my DS. He felt anxious sitting & concentrating & studying & didn't know how to organise himself. He's kind of the same with any new activity, if he's not sure how to do it he gets into a right flap & won't even try. It can also be that they just need little rituals to get selves into right mindframe. TBH, I meet a lot of adults who operate the same.

It's personality dependent. 2 of my other DC are much more resilient & not so easily discouraged & can try new things easily or organise selves even in new stituations.

The only way to improve we find is to just be there gently reminding & coaxing until DS feels comfortable with the routines. Reduce his cognitive burden.

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

He is pretty lazy - and would happily sit and wait for me to set out a revision plan and organise his books. He has always been the same - loved swimming but will dawdle getting ready to go and almost miss the class.

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

And tonight...

Have you packed your school bag?
Yes
Isn’t that your homework lying in the middle if the floor?
Oh yeah
Did you pack those 2 things your teacher asked you to bring in?
Yes
Sure?
Absolutely sure?
Yes
So if I looked in your bag...?
Yes
Ok - there’s one - I can’t see two. Are there two?
Yesssssss - look (tries to palm item number 2 from the shelf)...
Is that it in your hand?
Yes

I can’t keep this up, and the school is pissed off with his nonsense.

[SolitudeAtAltitude]

15!

leave him to it, let him face the consequences. STEP BACK!

Seriously, long term you are doing him no favours.

My DS 916) only stepped up when I stepped back.He has missed the bus, missed homework, got a few detentions. Did not like it, got his act together.

It sounds like you are completely micromanaging him.

If the tutor is pointless, scrap that. Does he really need a tutor?

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

The tutor is for a subject he struggles with and the school is really really really pissed off with him (really) 😕

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

He is the baby that the maternity ward nurse said was lazy!

[SolitudeAtAltitude]

Haha, what a random comment from that nurse

Just give him more responsibility and let him deal with the consequences

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

No - when he was feeding he was like ‘meh, maybe some other time, I’m sleeeeeeeepy’.